ijk - Wishes from the Abyss (Song from my band, not complete)


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CarlosAlejandro
11-07-2011, 02:10 AM
Well, we just have a mothn playing together, now we have two songs, this is one, i'd be glad if you guys say somethin' bout it :)

CarlosAlejandro
11-07-2011, 11:21 PM
Updated. NOW IS COMPLETE :) ... (Except the drums and the bass)

RedDeath9
11-08-2011, 03:47 AM
I really like the intro... Wow, sounds even better once the lead comes in. At this point, I'm surprised that more people haven't commented on this song.

A-B transition is really cool.

Section B is cool as a post-intro/pre-verse thing. The bass fill at 27 is SO cool. It's something I wish I had thought of. However, I expected something a little bit more fast-paced after it. While Section C was very good, unnerving, well-done, I was still disappointed that the bass fill at 27 didn't go anywhere.

Bar 38 - Wut. I wasn't expecting this at all...

Oh man :/ It all falls apart after that, really. It seems you've got a breakdown in there too :( Why oh why?! The song was really cool before. Don't ruin it with a breakdown.

Bar 66 - The chords in 68 mesh kinda weirdly, but I'm not sure how big of a problem that is. The solo is good though.

Alright, so here's the deal... It sounds like after bar 38, someone completely different was writing the song. It's just not up to par, compared to what came before.

And personal opinion - I'd do something more upbeat and intense, still in the key of D minor, after something like 27.

Radman_Paiza
11-08-2011, 12:12 PM
It all has a decent flow, good riffs, the bass steals space from the guitars quite a bit. I'd recommend mixing it a little better. Like I said, catchy riffs, good fills...

...up until 38. This riff comes in abruptly and really isn't very mind-blowing to say the least. Generic metalcore. And a breakdown?! But you had such a cool streak going on!

Now, everything from 62 onwards: great. I love poppy stuff, and this was poppy. Fun to listen to, great chords, cool rhythm, nice lead. This is my favourite part.

In my opinion: try to keep up the pace instead of slowing down in a breakdown. It kind of ruined the song for me.

Great work though! Tell me if you make something new, I'd gladly give another critique!

Erra93
11-08-2011, 12:43 PM
I _love_ the intro, not much else to say than what the other guys said, from the breakdown and on it feels like a new song :p (also love the ending)

Erra93
11-12-2011, 12:05 PM
I just loved the part at 74 until the end, so I took the liberty of writing the drum track for them :) here they are if you'd like to hear them: