Missing Out [Guitar and Vocals] Crit


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TempestRS4
11-13-2005, 10:38 PM
Hey guys and girls. Here's a song I wrote and recorded a while back in my bed room. For some reason the song is too slow when you play it with the hi-fi player so either play it with the lo-fi player or download it. I don't know whats wrong. Let me know what you think, its my first recording. I'll crit your songs too :o)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=434678

The lyrics...yeah yeah I know they're cheesy but hey, mo cheddah mo bettah

Verse 1

Sometimes I feel I?m missing out on the little things you say when I?m not with u
And now that we are far apart the feelings that I had only grew
I see your face in every puddle, I hear your voice and I miss your cuddle too
I wish that I could just go back, relive the past and things that I once knew.

Chorus

And now that you?re gone I realized I?m in love
You?re everything I wanted; you?re the girl that I dream of
And it may be out of fashion and maybe it?s un-cool
But you?re my diamond baby, you?re my crown jewel

Verse 2

I?m running out of words to say cuz I miss u every single day
Waking up to the morning light, I blink my eyes and wonder if you?re alright
Thoughts of how you?ve been, what u did, and where u spent last night
Wishing I could tuck you in, turn out the lights and ask you how you?ve been

Chorus

And now that you?re gone I realized I?m in love
You?re everything I wanted; you?re the girl that I dream of
And it may be out of fashion and maybe it?s un-cool
But you?re my diamond baby, you?re my crown jewel

Bridge 4x

Chorus

And now that you?re gone I realized I?m in love
You?re everything I wanted; you?re the girl that I dream of
And it may be out of fashion and maybe it?s un-cool
But you?re my diamond baby, you?re my crown jewel

noneoftheabove
11-13-2005, 10:56 PM
Hey, man, nice song. I loved it, only one thing, the distortion part seems to enter too quickly...maybe add some distorted chords before that part, I'm not sure...but that's the only thing I would change. Great job, I'd love to hear more from you

TempestRS4
11-14-2005, 03:31 PM
The MP3 version is finally available so I would recommend downloading that rather than listening to the streams. Please crit the vocals etc and post your songs for crit here too I'd be more than happy to listen

~King_Of_Foolz~
11-14-2005, 07:02 PM
this is the first case i've heard of where the lo-fi works better than the hi-fi.. anyhow... the whole thing smacks of simon & garfunkel or early beatles..the vocals.. is there harmony lines? or is just the lofi playing tricks with me... ... then the distorted bits come in that whole vibe chnages to something more modern... but yah i think it'd work best if the first chorus wasnt distorted.. and then from the 2nd time onwards .... surprise surprise.... it thwacks you in the face.. on the whole ... very catchy. .and upbeat.. considering its a song about lost love... cant compaling to much .. it had me nodding along. .and i'd prolyl be singing along if i knew the lyrics beforehand..

ovdojoey
11-15-2005, 03:28 PM
this song suprised me and i actually like it quite a bit, the dual vocals is okay but not for the whole song ( I use to do that it really is bad and ive learned that only on chorus and some verse is it aproperate ) good song

Retribution
11-15-2005, 05:26 PM
The recording quality isn't the best...

It seems too loud at parts, and the intro sounds bad chord-wise. I dunno why.

Anyway, Good voice, good music. Like someone said, Simon and Garfunkley.

Nice job.

Jangster
11-15-2005, 05:40 PM
Nice voice, very easy to listen and enjoy. Verses were really good. I'm not sure if the chorus needed the distorted guitar, I think it would have been with some more mellow overdrive or even completely acoustic. There's also the thing that when you put a harsh distorted guitar in there, the song often starts screaming for drums, which then again wouldn't probably fit that song too well. But yeah, that's just my opinion. The guitar actually works fine as it is, it would just be interesting to hear what else could have been done. Umm, what else? The intro was a bit out there, but it was ok. Overall the song flowed nice (very important) and it simply sounded good. Nice job!

If you're not too busy: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=281684

its_sublime07
11-16-2005, 09:11 AM
not bad, the beat kind of got lost for a second in the first chorus. holy hell, pretty sweet solo, i totally just jammed out to it, and maybe on the chorus it would work better if you enunciated a little better and used only one basic vocal track with another one or two tracks as background. other than that, though, i like it.
if you have any time http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=282336