Goodbye my love for this is the end

[ryan279]

Goodbye my love for this is the end
I would have stayed with you throught thick and thin

But this heart has nothing to lose
the day i lost you begun the tighning of this noose

I made you so happy u will only no
but now u shun me out like an ememy like ur foe

I say it again goodbye my love for this is the end

If I gave you all i i had to give and still break me
I ask u this who would want me

I hurt this bad cause i love and miss u so
so much you'll never know

This isn't for revenge or for ur sympathy
Its as simple as 1, 2 ,3 i loved u and u loved me

Through all the times we were happy

Now its dark with despair
the thought of losing you my heart cannot bear

The day you told me not to have hope to b with u
was the day u killed me the one u loved the one knew

cause don't u see thats the only thing i held on 2
without that i was lost i was through

you kno i would love u till the day i die
and i do so this is the end my love goodbye

I hope u have a good life without me
but maybe you will se now without me not there what i meant to you how hard it will be

Did u need to search more didn't my love secure you enough

Goodbye my love for this is the end
It was just to hard to be just a friend

candace you were my one true love
like an innocent white dovee

that rescued me out of all dark times
but ur gone now which makes it harder all the time

Don't think these arn't my words
you kno me to good cand u kno who this song is towards

I tried to tell you how unhappy i was but u told me i get through this
that was a lie, one big miss

Because your love was so words cannot describe
without that i feel alone that i could just die

I kno u were the one for me
i just don't get how u were so blind to see how i made u feel so happy

I love u so much but i kno you don't care
which destroys me so much i cannot bear

I would have gave u everything but most importantly my love
i didn't wanna lose u my sweet white dove

But i got to get going for the pain is to real
You don't even realize how u made me feel

goodbye my love for this is the end

LOL i hope this doesn't sound suicidal cause its not supposed to b, i wrote it as the pain inside
any who this is my first post these forums rule!!!
give sum comments thx!!

[#1mxpxfan]

that is really good !

[ryan279]

thanx for taking the time to read it anything i could change or is it good enough?

[caz_guitar_dude]

I thought this was really clichey. It just felt exactly the same as loads of other songs. Plus i thought the rhyming was a bit forced in some places. I think using more varied and poetic language would help this piece, and maybe if u wrote this from a different angle or thought about the conflicting emotions more.

[ryan279]

thx for ur comment, i didn't mean i to b forced but mayb it came off that way

[lespaul_rentals]

Some of the rhyming was a bit forced, and in forcing some of the rhymes I think you made it too cliche. Some of the lines are very good, but by the end of the song I was thinking "it's basically the same lines over and over but stated differently." Make it a bit more progressive; don't focus on the same thing over and over. Rewrite this and see if you can eliminate some lines, make it less cliche, and make every word count.

Good start, however.