broken_bottles VS TrigFunction


PDA

View Full Version : broken_bottles VS TrigFunction


broken_bottles
07-05-2006, 08:43 PM
A Bastard And A Poet - broken_bottles

Bastard slithers around your side and slips his fingers slowly in.
Mutter a sound, a moan, anything. It?s sensual enough.
He caresses old wounds, licks them clean, tears off a new strip:
He says you?ll understand later. You crack a diagonal smile.

Bastard wants two to become one, he likes his one liners.
He tells you ?you?re like the best wines, you keep getting better?.
And he?s right; for the fourth time this evening the show goes on.
You shiver: it?s warm in here. Far too warm.

Bastard makes a point: he always did that well.
The floorboards creak dully and we?re halfway through.
I can?t help but listen. Your skin can?t help but glisten.
I?d write a script about this. But I don?t have the nerve.

Bastard slithers along, coils and strikes.
Believe me; the snake metaphor isn?t lost on me either.
I?m left to wallow in my irony, my blanket of words
And my dismal, last selfish stab at apathy.

I hope he dies in his sleep.

Sparks Dance - TrigFunction

These words are fiercely infusing their way
into the pores of my skin making
the sparks dance and the poor chant.

"Contort the masses!" "Live for now!"

Lost between translation of who said what,
responding with snake shed lies
and hoped for lives.

"Spread the word!" "The Lord is now!"

Transfixed by a gaze of contorted hands
compelling an art of misguided wonder.
Sided by a line of religion they set demands

"Choose a side and ease the border!"

Final
07-06-2006, 01:04 AM
Second.

Jammydude44
07-06-2006, 12:31 PM
I'll give the first a chance.

To be honest I liked them both.

Iron X Maiden
07-06-2006, 12:38 PM
I really loved the second one, but that's not to sayI didn't like the first one, believe me I did. But, I have to go with #2, I thought it was amazing.

b.c.rich rules
07-09-2006, 02:27 PM
the first one was better.

LemonMonkey5
07-09-2006, 03:44 PM
first one is better but the second one (if it/or any of them is intended) would go better with music, but I dont know if they are supposed to be poems or songs so.. the first one is my choice.

jallas
07-10-2006, 04:12 AM
first

chopps00
07-13-2006, 11:27 AM
I liked them both...second one seems like it could be expanded...#1.

Dirk Gently
07-13-2006, 11:29 AM
You shouldn't put the names on them. Blind tests always give more accurate results.

The first one for me was a bit dizzying with the perspective changes...1st person, 2nd person, 3rd person... And the second was a bit too stacatto. I'm going to go with the first one.