Metal Jokes Thread!!! yay


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Gman400
11-05-2006, 07:41 PM
Inspired by the classic rock forum.

Okay uhh...let's see here...



Opeth is so boring, even their fans have to pretend to like them :0 oooooooooooooooooooo

Okay maybe that sucked, but it's kind of true, even though they own.

So post any other metal jokes.

nonickname
11-05-2006, 07:44 PM
Why are all the Black metal bands grim and frostbitten?







Scandanavia is cold...

---------------------------
Why did George Fisher cross the road?











He needed to rip out a few more spines

laffyjam
11-05-2006, 07:46 PM
What do australian metalheads call eating?








Necrodaemon Terrorsnackin







...yeah

Boghead
11-05-2006, 07:46 PM
Why did Euronymous cross the road?? He didnt because Varg stabbed him in the head

ok Im bored dont flame me.

nonickname
11-05-2006, 07:47 PM
what did Mikeal Akerfeldt do yesterday?










Fix a pair of jeans...

GiantRaven
11-05-2006, 07:50 PM
Opeth is so boring, even their fans have to pretend to like them

:sad:

Dirtydeeds468
11-05-2006, 08:04 PM
Why did Euronymous cross the road?? He didnt because Varg stabbed him in the head


:haha :haha

Ghoulhunter!
11-05-2006, 08:10 PM
..Manowar.

Mr. President
11-05-2006, 08:22 PM
Metalocalypse is your friend.

mydadisjewish
11-05-2006, 08:42 PM
i'll make one up.



what is blue, hairy and full of worms?





dimebag

<><
11-05-2006, 08:43 PM
Irishmatt92

SGRocker0791
11-05-2006, 08:55 PM
How are Immortal and Spynal alike? Both claim to be kvlt by fanboys, but are the biggest jokes.

All I can think of now.

heretic_boy
11-05-2006, 09:02 PM
What's red and spins round and round?



A baby in the microwave.

<><
11-05-2006, 09:02 PM
How are Immortal and Spynal alike? Both claim to be kvlt by fanboys, but are the biggest jokes.

All I can think of now.Hey! :mad: Immortal > all.

heretic_boy
11-05-2006, 09:10 PM
What's round and is the "butt" of all jokes?

Vrangsinn

Bodom_Shredder7
11-05-2006, 09:18 PM
what is tall, totally metal, and extremely large?
















a skyscraper...








....or tony

insideac
11-05-2006, 09:22 PM
Whats the difference between Nu Metal and Black Metal?


The amount of spazzing and arguing taking place on Tony (SG Rocker)s keyboard.

WeTPaiNT
11-05-2006, 09:27 PM
Metal joke? St Anger.

insideac
11-05-2006, 09:30 PM
Metal joke? St Anger.


Low blow :(

xolax
11-05-2006, 09:41 PM
Why did Euronymous cross the road?? He didnt because Varg stabbed him in the head

ok Im bored dont flame me.
:haha that made my day :haha
Keep this **** going!!!

grimreaper65
11-05-2006, 10:26 PM
How many UG metalforumers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




...






Lightbulbs are METALCORE N00B!

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 10:30 PM
How many UG metalforumers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




...






Lightbulbs are METALCORE N00B!


NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

insideac
11-05-2006, 10:33 PM
How many UG metalforumers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?





Lightbulbs are METALCORE N00B!



NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL

NOT METAL NOT METAL



What is this, The SGRocker0791 impersonation thread? :eek:

grimreaper65
11-05-2006, 10:36 PM
Yes.

Tool are super-prog metal. N00bs.

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 10:36 PM
Yes.


LOOK AT ME, I'M AN FUCKING DOUCHEBAG NOT METAL NOT METAL

AN MONSTER IN THE SKY!

insideac
11-05-2006, 10:38 PM
Oh, ok. Carry on then.

grimreaper65
11-05-2006, 10:41 PM
I will.

I'm eating a apple.

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 10:48 PM
I just found out about an cool metal bands!

LedZeppelin
11-05-2006, 10:50 PM
Man you guys are ripping on tony today. Give the kid a break. You're acting like he's...well, me.

What's more metal than George Fisher?









LOL NOTHING.

Also, he has the biggest neck in the history of the universe.
http://cannibal-corpse.bizhat.com/pictures/george/george3.jpg

Dirtydeeds468
11-05-2006, 10:51 PM
Low blow, Icarus.

Tony > souls.

grimreaper65
11-05-2006, 10:52 PM
I wasn't even making fun of Tony in the first place.

But then i just had to. I haven't gotten any shots in yet.

Dirtydeeds468
11-05-2006, 10:53 PM
I wasn't even making fun of Tony in the first place.

But then i just had to. I haven't gotten any shots in yet.

Yeah, the grammar jokes are pretty funny. To a point.

insideac
11-05-2006, 10:56 PM
http://myspace-299.vo.llnwd.net/00979/99/25/979145299_l.jpg


I WIN THIS THREAD






Lmao tony dont worry im just playing.

Gman400
11-05-2006, 10:56 PM
What's big and stupid and sucks at life???

TONY!!!!

Aww man...I don't even know the guy :( sorry man that joke was br00tal I'll delete it later.

insideac
11-05-2006, 10:57 PM
Nah dont delete it, its ok. Im sure he wont mind too much.

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 10:58 PM
:haha:haha:haha:haha:haha

This thread = win

grimreaper65
11-05-2006, 11:00 PM
How many brutal death metal bands does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but they'd rather beat some puppies to death with it.

LedZeppelin
11-05-2006, 11:00 PM
You guys lose. Stop being douchebags. :no:

Rakoro
11-05-2006, 11:02 PM
Rofl.

Dr. Gonzo Slash
11-05-2006, 11:14 PM
I know a Metal Joke, Avenged Sevenfold.

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:15 PM
Another joke! The look on tony's face when he comes back to this thread :haha:

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:19 PM
Seriously...:haha:haha

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:20 PM
Im laughing in my chair right now SO hard

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:24 PM
That picture gets me every time.

I'm crying of laughter

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:25 PM
He looks so serious too, thats what kills me.

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:26 PM
The fact that the guitar and his body are completely out of proportion...

Fuckin' riot.

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:28 PM
Or the fact that it looks like he was playing at high speeds :haha

DUP3R
11-05-2006, 11:29 PM
What do you get when you cross gay people, racists, and a touch of retard?

Black metal!

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:30 PM
His hand are about to crush the guitar.


And the Led Zeppelin shirt :haha

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:31 PM
THE ZEPPLIN SHIRT lmao, and all those posters and the.....:eek shirts? holding CDs?! On the right..Man hes so hardXcore


EDIT: I think Tony is trolling these forums, and he is just ignoring this particular thread?

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:36 PM
:haha:haha:haha:haha

I'm going to hell...

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:37 PM
:haha:haha:haha:haha

I'm going to hell...



You mean Ohio? LOL

GuitarSacrifice
11-05-2006, 11:41 PM
honestly, you guys should the name of this thread from metal jokes thread to taking the piss out of tony thread!! It seems thats all you guys are doing lol

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:42 PM
GET IT!? OHIO!? Thats where tony is from1!!1!one!

Clownmite
11-05-2006, 11:44 PM
Not really a metal joke, but I was just scrolling through a thread here fast and misread "Cast down the Heretic" as "Cast down the Hispanic."

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:47 PM
Don't be sad when you read this thread Tony.

lol.

I would offer you a apology, but you know...



It's all an joke, you know?

insideac
11-05-2006, 11:48 PM
Id offer him an apology but...... Oh look! *runs away*

Mr.Norris
11-05-2006, 11:54 PM
lmao....dude tony you know i like you, but i gotta laugh at this, its all in fun.... :D

Icarus66
11-05-2006, 11:57 PM
Ok Tony, I'm going to bed

Sorry for all this torment. Please forgive me.


Have an good days.

insideac
11-06-2006, 12:00 AM
Im going to bed too. Tomorrow I hope tony responds, Ill be in stitches. Night everyone!

Dirtydeeds468
11-06-2006, 12:01 AM
:haha

Now tony, look. I apologize for any and all ripping that might have gone on, but please....please try to understand that we all :heart: you, and that you really set yourself up for this stuff.

And you gotta admit, the grammar jokes were pretty funny...

Rakoro
11-06-2006, 12:07 AM
And please take note that I only did one joke in this thread.

Dirtydeeds468
11-06-2006, 12:15 AM
And please take note that I only did [i]one[/i'] joke in this thread.

:haha

Hey, not my deal. We'll see what Tony has to say about it when he gets back. And we'll see what it means for you HMS users out there...

Bodom_Shredder7
11-06-2006, 12:16 AM
Tony ist most kreigest of all.


funny thing is there were some spots where i didnt even need to put white, due to there being already enough white rofl

http://img300.imageshack.us/img300/4610/979145299lby5.jpg

GuitarSacrifice
11-06-2006, 12:28 AM
^ ROFL!!!! good one bodom

larry jones
11-06-2006, 12:38 AM
Who would win a fight, James or Kirk?





























No one. They'd be too busy bitching about everything.
Besides, they both have become major pvssies.

CodySG
11-06-2006, 01:02 AM
:haha :haha :haha :haha oh man....HUGE rofl waffle at this thread!!!

Mr. President
11-06-2006, 01:07 AM
What's 6'7, Uber-Troo, and Damn Sexy????


my penis.

Inimical
11-06-2006, 01:07 AM
Why did Mikael Akerfeldt cross the road?





He didn't. It was afar walk.

<><
11-06-2006, 02:13 AM
Seriously, about Tony...fuck off, everyone. It's old.

kirkisking
11-06-2006, 02:23 AM
Why did Varg go to jail.

Because he killed euronymus (you're on a moose).

CannibalCarcass
11-06-2006, 03:02 AM
How is death metal similar to crazed sex?







"FASTER! FASTER! HARDER! HARDER!"

<><
11-06-2006, 03:21 AM
How is death metal similar to crazed sex?







"FASTER! FASTER! HARDER! HARDER!":haha :haha :haha FTW!!!

whalepudding
11-06-2006, 05:26 AM
Why is Morbid Angel a potato?

Because I said so.

krazylobster
11-06-2006, 05:58 AM
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Metal.
Metal who?
Metal.
Weren't you at the candystore last weekend?
Metal.
Oh, I see, that was meant to be my pineapple fritter?
Metal.
I'm not sure what he's up to this week.
Metal.
My desklamp is getting dated, I'll go to Ikea this week and have a look around.
Metal.
You know, I almost finished that Rubik's Cube, but some naughty little fella had broken it apart, rearranged the pieces, making it impossible to solve.
Metal.
I have always been a fan of pizza flavoured shapes, but I've recently taken a liking to BBQ flavour.
Metal.
Do you still have that lava lamp?
Metal.
I have this wooden thing that stores pens in it. It has a picture of a house on it.
Metal.
Did I tell you how I ate that whole packet of cola flavoured PEZ in about 4 minutes? It made my tonsils bleed.
Metal.
I hear Nathan Explosion has a child called CapsLock.
Metal.
Make sure you report your earnings this week.
Metal.
You're still using a CRT monitor? Seriously, update to LCD you fat slut.
Metal.
There's only 344 post-it notes left in that block of post-it notes over there.
Metal.
I'll just have to duck down to the supermarket to pick up some supplies.
Metal.
Did Sara tell you about our new cutlery we ordered online?
Metal.
Honestly, start an EzyBanking account today, you'll save a ton of money with rewards vouchers.
Metal.
Are you going to the Spiderman party?
Metal.
Jimmy had this microphone cord that was really tangled up.
Metal.
Oh my god! The craziest thing happened the other day!
Metal.

BR00TAL
11-06-2006, 01:42 PM
^lol

insideac
11-06-2006, 01:54 PM
Im baaaaaaaack. Where the hell is Tony's response?!?

<><
11-06-2006, 01:57 PM
Im baaaaaaaack. Where the hell is Tony's response?!?Screw off, prick. You're like a five-year-old who throws popsicles at people just to get attention.

insideac
11-06-2006, 01:58 PM
Screw off, prick. You're like a five-year-old who throws popsicles at people just to get attention.


lol. Thats cute. I just want to see what his reaction is, thats all.


EDIT: Youre lucky you like kirby :mad:

duncang
11-06-2006, 02:02 PM
Screw off, prick. You're like a five-year-old who throws popsicles at people just to get attention.

+54367547368975432878643265


Fuck off.

insideac
11-06-2006, 02:03 PM
Duncang my buddy :( This is the metal jokes thread, so just let me say my jokes, and you can say YOUR jokes.

Metal Matt
11-06-2006, 02:12 PM
What's grim, kvlt, 1337, proud of nazi heritage (even though he's not aryan), and for the most part non-existant?


















































...If I honestly have to answer this for you then you're a n00b. GTFO

reef_d
11-06-2006, 02:12 PM
Q: Did you hear about the heavy metal player who locked his keys in the car?

A: He had to break the window to let the drummer out!

insideac
11-06-2006, 02:14 PM
How do you know when its time to kick your drummer out?

When he brings a song he wrote to practice.

How do you get two metal guitarists to play in tune?

Shoot one.

How do you get a technical death metal player to slow down?

Put sheet music in front of him