Streetcarp19 vs. Punchupatatigger


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punchupatatigge
11-10-2006, 12:35 AM
I Can't Wait All Day to Anticipate

You said you escaped the Martians
using only a needle-nosed hammer
that you bought with the ounce of weed I found
tucked beneath the bead sheets.
Amongst the cookie crumbs,
scandalously driven one day
by the way she kept moving her thumbs,
dialing the operator at all hours of the night.
ďBut I wanted someone to talk to,Ē was her excuse.
Combine that with how she escaped
out of that mental institute,
no wait, I canít combine those,
it would be too normal.
Making me more nervous than shaken
from the amount of pills I need to constantly swallow.
Three of the blue and two of the yellow
before I wake up,
and then six of the red pills after I fall asleep.
No, I think itís really....never-mind, thatís right.

I find myself asking her when the anticipation is going to kick in,
because I canít wait.
She left a note on the table this morning explaining,
ďDonít be surprised today if the cops stop by
or try to barge in.Ē
I guess I can sympathize with her past,
when she was only thrown bones half of the time
until she broke one and had to wear a cast.

But I love her, for as much as money is worth,
which is little to nothing sometimes
when you spend all day searching
and still canít find a way to get a foot,
even in your own front door.




A Mute Confession
Two days ago, twenty year old Belle was pushed off a bridge.
EDIT: Dear Diary entry from three days ago:
"Can a blind man love at first sight?
Can a broken man stare up to the clouds?"
She committed suicide.
EDIT: Fabricated autopsies indicate alcoholism.
Conclusion: She fell.

A mute confession
Of denial.

Ten years ago, thirty year old John tied a knot.
Pristine-eyed Belle was slashed by her father
EDIT: Shattered bottles ran rampant in the house.
Defective Belle shattered.
EDIT: It was just a cut.
Conclusion: She stepped on broken glass.

Where a teardrop once was
A lake was found.

Two hours ago, fourty year old John shot himself.
Rotten-eyed John succumbed to the weight.
EDIT: His daughter had died
Defective John had finally shattered.
EDIT: He was a depraved abuser
Conclusion: He didn't deserve to live.

Ten years ago
John threw his family off a bridge.

s0nofabe4ch
11-10-2006, 12:46 AM
Blue. Both are good but I hate diary entry style stuff.

SilenceEvolves
11-10-2006, 01:12 AM
magikarp was my favorite pokemon.

punchupatatigge
11-11-2006, 10:24 AM
More votes please.

punchupatatigge
11-13-2006, 10:41 PM
More votes please, 6 votes is mildly pathetic.

Final
11-14-2006, 01:41 AM
I enjoyed both, but I went with the second.

#1 synth
11-14-2006, 01:51 AM
Sorry Tigga, its a damn good piece, but Carpycarp has just been immaculate recently so ya... number 1.

The Hurt Within
11-14-2006, 01:13 PM
magikarp was my favorite pokemon.

yeah! It evolved into Gyrados, and that was a beast!!

Blue for me, green felt like it had the ideas, but they weren't used to their potential. The blind man line took alot away from the piece for me.

Phoebus
11-14-2006, 01:26 PM
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm tough call

i gotta go blue. sorry punch.

punchupatatigge
11-14-2006, 06:54 PM
Ha, its okay. Thanks for the good comments at least, I know its sharable then =]. Going to present it to a friend of mine. I actually changed the middle parts, as I felt they were a bit weak.

Oh yeah, and Hurt Within, what blind man line? If you're talking about the rotten eyed line, I like to use eyes as a reflection of personality in my work. Probably getting a bit redundant, too.

Anyway, the poll ends tomorrow, and I was hoping to lose by at least 10, so gogo more votes!

punchupatatigge
11-16-2006, 05:51 PM
Carp, I've no clue how many points this was worth. Honestly it doesn't matter too much to me, but I'd gladly take you on again any day. Let me know, as this was a good comp =].

streetcarp19
11-16-2006, 07:52 PM
I could care less about the points, I think the last three one on one's I've been in, nothing was recorded. But yeah, if you would like to start another comp, maybe putting our latest against each other, feel free when ever you want to. I think our pieces go up against each other quite nicely, and a little competition is always fun. My latest being the 'satellites' one you can use.

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=464500

Also, if and when you do set it up, make the title of the thread different in some way than the last comp we had.

punchupatatigge
11-16-2006, 10:30 PM
Maybe I'll wait for your next piece, as the last two have been great >_>. I'm American, I hate losing.