Metal song: Poem[GP5][MIDI]


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tabs aint cats
12-28-2006, 01:03 PM
Ok here we go!
This is my new song, it took a while to write but i think it's really good.
I wanted it to be a little of everything and not just another generic metalcore song.
I wanted to write a real solo (for the first time).
I wanted it to be catchy yet deep.

I dont know if i succeeded tho but thats where you come into the picture!
If someone for some reason want to write drums for the intro it would be greatly appreciated. I've tried several times but failed, something makes it hard to get it right.
also, do you think a bass line would contribute anything to the song? Because I dont feel it would.

Crit 4 crit as always
Thx! now give it a listen!

Asago
12-28-2006, 01:15 PM
my god i love it! :D

just some guy
12-28-2006, 01:25 PM
I liked it. If you're looking to write a bassline, take a look at some In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth era Coheed and Cambria. Not to steal or rip off, but to get inspiration, since this reminds me of that kind of stuff.

altosaxgeek5
12-28-2006, 02:10 PM
I like it.. I love the way you use mini-dissonance and resolution throughout to create small amounts of tension and release. Two thumbs up. I also like it at about 2:30 or so where it's a bit stripped down and then builds back up. Nice solo, too. A bassline would hold together the bottom some, definitely, and give the song more of a... full-package sound? I don't know how to explain it, but maybe you know what I mean. Great job. I'm only going off the MIDI, so sorry I couldn't be more specific.

Crit mine? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=490976

Fama
12-28-2006, 02:34 PM
I liked the Awesome Riff a lot. The verses we're ok, and chorus was good. Breakdown was good too, but the transition to chorus was bad. Post- and pre-solos were great too. Solo pt. 1 was ok, but solo pt. 2 was great. The transition to to the outro was rather bad, but the outro itself was good.

All in all, the song was very good. I don't think the intro needs drums at all. Also, I think a bassline could be good, but I don't think it's a must.

Mind critting mine?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=7697345

tabs aint cats
12-28-2006, 06:18 PM
Thx for crits!
You have good taste Asago ;)

just some guy: Never heard of those bands but I'll check them out. thx!

altosaxgeek: full-pckage sound.. i kinda get your point. I'll see if I can make something about the bass tomorrow. btw, i have a fender les paul lying around! you can take it for free:)

Fama: Yeah I'm working on my transitions but alot of it is becouse I use alot of diffrent BPMs throughout the song(maybe it's just to complex for it's own good) witch makes it hard to make the transitions feel smooth. I'm getting better at it song by song tho!

keep it coming guys! like it? hate it? love it? tell me! :)

ctb
12-28-2006, 06:37 PM
That was brilliant, I loved the last solo. Some parts I got a bit lost in the rhythm but other than that it is very well done. :D

ikedawg
12-28-2006, 07:28 PM
awesome dude, really good.

The only thing i wasnt into was the break down... just didnt click with me.

Also, on a mechanics side, there are some spots in the drum line where the drummer would have to have 4 arms... because youre hitting 2 toms and 2 cymbals at the same time. But other than that, nothing negative to say. Solos are awesome, riffs are cool.

bernasch
12-28-2006, 09:38 PM
Nice dude! pretty good (so far)
add some carzy shit like a harmonized solo are somethin

tabs aint cats
12-29-2006, 09:23 AM
ctf: Yeah I know it can be a little disorienting when you change from a 3 4/4(or 2 3/2) bar riff to a 4 4/4 bar riff (I dont know if thats what its called but I hope you know what I mean) but after the first few bars it should be alright.

ikedawg: My drummer is just faster than time(and if he need an extra arm he'll just use his middle leg;))! I'm glad you liked it!

bernasch: hehe I'll save that for my next song ;)

chris_122
12-29-2006, 05:26 PM
First off, you can tell you actually put time in effort into this song, by looking at everything you have done. Also, for the intro, IMO you should add strings or some synths to create a way of drawing in the listener. I think the verse could use some work though, the leads is not very appealing to me, and the same for the chorus, with the octaves being played. I think the Punky riff should be taken out or changed because it just doesn't go with this and is quite random. Overall, it's a good song and with a little more work it could be even better.

Hypetreme
12-29-2006, 05:38 PM
That poem was a good one :) Very good harmonizing there, you make same style of music as I. I loved the avesome riff too, very progressive song.

Bodomizer
12-29-2006, 06:17 PM
dude that was really really good. great composition. its really apparent that you know alot about music. i loved the solo by the way. and the harmonies were perfect. great job.

GiantRaven
12-30-2006, 01:04 PM
It needs a Bassline

I didn't really like the first 16 bars but after that it's better

The pre-verse/verse is awful

The chorus is cool

The drum beat during the 3/2 bit nice but the guitar sounds like a complete rip off of something...not sure what though

Your solo is meh, nothing really interesting about it

the Pt2 of the solo is very nice though

tabs aint cats
12-31-2006, 06:51 AM
Chris & GiantRaven: well first of all, tha verse riff doesn't have any leads. It's split up on different tracks so that I can adjust the pan and so that it would be easier to play. I knew it wouldan't be a highlight of the song but they do their part fot the song and are essential for some of the better riffs. Some like it, some dont but thanks for sharing your opinion.

About the Punky riff. I dont think it's a rip off but I dont know as I dont listen to punk music. It's a generic chord proggression but I think is a plesant surprise and adds some variation to the song.

I'll think about that string ensemble you spoke about chris. it might work well.

See solo pt1 and pt.2 as one solo.. I know pt.1 sucks but I think pt.2 makes up for it.

BIG thx to GiantRaven, Chris 122, Hypetreme and Bodomizer

South-of-Heaven
12-31-2006, 10:19 AM
pretty friggin awesome. needs bass tho. sounds really dragonforce/a7x. keep up the hard work.

ikedawg
12-31-2006, 10:49 AM
Something like this for the intro drums?

Alternate_rock
12-31-2006, 02:41 PM
THe intro sounds a lot like something Coheed could have done from back in In Keeping SEcrets, minus the drums of course.the main thing that makes this song metal is the drums. needs bass. some of it sounds like coheed, thats alright cause i love Coheed.

trem7
12-31-2006, 03:30 PM
Yea I agree it sounds very much like Coheed the intro is basically "The Crowing" with the end changed. I do however really like the pre-solo and the solo is pretty good.

Fatt Sorum
01-02-2007, 05:54 AM
It's great, there ain't that much to crit, except the punky riff isn't too good compared to the rest, as metioned above.

Meh, good song

Tuneman
01-02-2007, 10:39 AM
The intro is ok, well, better than ok, but ok compared to the rest :P Not too keen on the verse and punk riff parts... But the rest of the song is amazing! The awesome riff is fine, I really love the beat of it, choruses are great, pre/poststuff is great, and the solo pt. 2 is awesome! Part 1 could use a more exploding beginning, but it's fine anyway. Finally, the outro is as great as the rest :P Keep on rocking, and make sure you tell me when your next song is out ;)

Oh, and thanks for the crit on mine :P

Glömde nästan det bästa av allt ihop... Gitarrslingorna! Älskar dom! :P

Evil_Magician
01-02-2007, 11:48 AM
I realy loved the part when the song started to fade out and then a cool riff started to come in.
Alltought the part when everything stopped for a while and it started again wasnt very cool.
The solo could be a bit more complicated.
I loved the acoustic thingy at the end nice ending :)
Got any lyrics for this ?


Probably not your style but check out mine :
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=489941

face_haver
01-03-2007, 02:45 AM
YEah umm the punky riff kind of doesn't fit, the chords in the intro were pretty well chosen so i don't know what happend with the punky riff it basically sounds like greenday came on when you were writing and you just whacked it in there but it stands out because mostly the rest is pretty good. The solo is very long. But im not big on solos so that might be just me.

Anyway crit mine. Theres 4.
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=496056