Metalish, melodic song[GP5,midi]


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tborsje
02-10-2007, 10:50 AM
First song writing effort here, so I'd love to hear some feedback to if I'm just crap/where I could improve.

Can't really think of what band I was thinking of when I wrote this, there's certainly a Maiden style verse though.

No drums yet, don't know how to write a decent sounding drum track yet.

ch715dallat
02-11-2007, 10:53 AM
it was good but far to long unless the vocals are amazing, in some places most ppl will get bored, i would cut down the intro style riff thats used in teh middle, keep teh fast riff, and then come up with a new one for the middle thats fairly fast paced as that riff is too slow IMO, good for an intro not for through out the song, and just basically cut it down in length and speed up some places and its good, for drums just add a basic quarters beat with snare on evry second hi hat, for the fast riff and evry third hi hat in a bar for the slower riffs, and basses whereever you feel it sounds good.

Mind havin a look at mine in the sig

kornflipsk8er
02-13-2007, 01:34 AM
It reminded me quite a bit of the song Vacant.That was probably your inspiration.This sounds like a starting point.I think you need to add more things to each insturment to keep it fresh.I was playing along to it on my bass and you can do so much more with it.Without doing this the song will sound unnessasarily long and it will really take away from what you are trying to acheive.

buckethead_jr
02-13-2007, 07:21 AM
The intro was amazing, not much to say about it. But the intro solo, the notes and rhythms you chose were great, but lay off the legato slides a bit, it just ruined the feel of the intro.
The transition into the verse wasn't the greatest, it was a sort of sudden change.
The second verse was great, nice to see a different rhythm than the galloping one in most maiden inspired songs.
The chorus was a bit too slow for the rest of the song, and there was some note clashes like bar 64, the last 4 notes clashed with each other and didn't sound that good.
In the bridge i thought you repeated the intro riff a bit too much, maybe cut it down a bit.
Again with the legato slides :p:, a bit too much there. Nice sweeps in there aswell.
The rest was great, but maybe cut down the outro, at bar 145+ maybe? and add a fade out?
You have some great melodies and rhythms but they were a tad repetative. For a first song... i'd give this a 9/10

Crit mine? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=8241439#post8241439

tborsje
02-16-2007, 07:45 AM
Thanks for your advice guys, I've been trying to improve it using your suggestions.