[GP5,GP4,MIDI]Primium (unfinished)


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gonzaw
05-18-2007, 03:34 PM
Hello again......
I've been learning something of theory for some days, and well, I tried to make something,........its not finished yet, but I think it sounds better than my previous works.

Maybe you could tell me how to make it better, so then I could know more things for improving it (and making new songs in the future).

I think most of it is in key (but sometimes the chorus sounds a little bit clashy, specially because of the two guitars, maybe you could recomend me some scales for it, or chords for the rythm one), so I would like your opinion :)

Enjoy

Seither2k
05-18-2007, 03:45 PM
I'm not good with theory yet, but as just a music listener, I can maybe help.

It is pretty good for me, but the lead guitar gets pretty repetitve and boring towards the end. I like how it follows the same beat as the rhythm guitar, but it should only follow for a bit, then try it break it out. I'm not sure how to word it....but don't follow the rhythm guitar beat for beat....slow down the lead, or either speed it up to play a note per every beat over or under the rhythm. Know what I mean? I dunno...

ouchies
05-18-2007, 03:59 PM
ow my ears are bleeding.

well i see you write a lot and thats a good thing. you should try and have your lead guitar have a melody.

the chord progression was crappy too. i dunno.

try and write more "generic" songs first, you can't break any rules and go out of the box unless you know them first. Try using a more well known progression like a ii V I progression, or better yet jusst steal one from a song you like.

but yeah, im not trying to hate or anything, but in my opinion that was horrible

gallagher2006
05-18-2007, 05:00 PM
Try writing more basic chord progressions before you try and add in chords that you probably can't play :haha

The lead guitar could use a bit of changing every now and again too. Keep it simple till you master these. Also, make something you can actually play dude ;)

gonzaw
05-18-2007, 06:30 PM
Well, at least nobody mentioned off-key notes (which is a good thing for me!), but I hope there isn't any......
So...............well, I changed the chord progression and will change the lead afterwards.
I always liked to experiment with new chords and such, but well, at least I could try to make something I could play instead....

ouchies
05-18-2007, 07:29 PM
well the first chord is off key.

Csquared1001
05-18-2007, 10:24 PM
i'm sorry but wow not good. Theory shouldn't just be "applied" as soon as you learn it, it needs to be "worked in" to your stuff and that takes time. And this piece is really weird as a result of it[theory] being forced into it. now my advice is to scrap it. I'm sorry but someone has to say it.

crit mine (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=588920)

masterskill
05-20-2007, 10:46 PM
Theres something very unique about the timing in the song, which makes it should pretty cool and different, which is a plus.

But, the instruments just don't go together very well. I can't say I know a lick of theory, but the solo guitar just doesn't jazz with the rhythm, especially during the chorus. The bass is okay, but still sounds off. I'd say good on you for trying out a bit of theory, but it looks like you need to tweak things a bit more.

A few problem sections I found in specific, just to give you some examples were:
Bars 9-11, 14-15, (so on.)
bar 26
Pretty much the whole chorus. It may just be the layering of the guitars, but it sounds very random. :x