"Finished" GP5, CrC : can vocals be fit in this song?


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revan1013
05-23-2007, 04:49 PM
Short little thing I wrote for GP5 and just recently finished. I have no room for vocals in it, I think, but lyrics are fundamental for me and it turns out there doesn't seem to be a place in the song for it. I guess if it can't have one then it won't.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any comments on the song or the possibility of vocal additions in there somewhere. And of course, I'll crit yours as well :)

Edit: Fixed the title so you know it's metal, and also, keep in mind this is a very unpolished song, I'm mostly looking for advice on any possible improvements. It's meant to be short, to the point, and heavy.

zakatak9389
05-24-2007, 10:39 PM
Thanks for the crit on mine bro, I appreciate it :cheers:

Now, I'm going to be honest with you man, I really didn't like this. the drums were pretty lackluster, and the riffs were boring. Try not to use so many power chords, try to do more complex riffs. Now just because I say that doesn't mean your whole song is garbage, it's just that you should try to avoid riffs that are just powerchords if you're trying to write a metal song. I also didn't like the chromatic stuff starting at bar 25, it sounded pretty bad. If I were you, I'd just scrap these riffs and start over. Try to do riffs that are more upbeat, and have more of a melody to them. Also maybe add in another guitar and put in a solo or a melody.

Take some riff ideas from some metal bands like Megadeth, COB, or even wintersun, if you like that stuff. Just look at how they use scales in their riffage, and their use of a wide variety of rhythms. Listen to stuff off of RIP by Megadeth or stuff off of hatebreeder by COB, cause both of those albums have amazing stuff IMO. Now I'm just giving you my opinion on how I think you could improve, but you may not like the same stuff I do. I hope I don't come off as being rude as I'm not trying to put you down man. I'm just telling you the truth, because I would hope that you'd want to write kickass stuff, so you can improve on your songs. Best of luck bro :peace: .

EDIT: I just realized what you edited in your first post so you might want to ignore some of what I said. Sorry bout that.

revan1013
05-25-2007, 06:29 AM
Yeah I don't have much experience in general, just trying out the writing. I appreciate your advice, though I'm not trying to write thrash metal, like Megadeth and such. Don't worry about coming on strong, I like the criticism, helps me improve. I'm "obviously" not very good with melodies, so I tend to keep them short or not use them all that much. I've got others songs I'm working on where there are solos, just not this one. I'll definitely recheck that chromatic line in there, it sounds off to me too. I'm a relatively new player, and complex riffs are things I can only play in small amounts if ya get my drift. So I'm keeping it simple, maybe too simple though.

Thanks for the advice man :)

zakatak9389
05-25-2007, 07:24 PM
^^ yeah, you'll get better man, I played for about a year before I even started writing songs, so you've got plenty of time to write good stuff. I wish I had started out as early as you did, but oh well.

ch715dallat
05-25-2007, 09:03 PM
it would be fine for some nu metal where vocals are the focus point you'll need much more interesting and complex riffs to please the general metal fans remember it doesnt have to be fast to be heavy, if you cant play fast make nice chugging deep riffs with little melodic phrases through out. also as zak said power chords are boring and uninspiring try to not make riffs consisting of just these try use them then little meloodic parts with teh powerchords just there to give a fuller sound. also the drums were a bit boring im not great at drums myself but theyll get better with time. ;) keep it up we all had to start somewhere. also drop the chromatic stuff unless your a tech death man which i doubt you ar ;) lol

check out the song in my sig i you get time ;)

:cheers:

lonejedio5
05-26-2007, 11:46 AM
I deff agree with the previous crits in terms of using powerchords. But like you said, you're not trying to write Thrash metal, so I dont see anything wrong with this if its what you want to play. I didnt think it was bad at all, as long as the main focus of the song is a strong vocalist, something along the lines of Mudvayne?
Anywho, the bass part is a very fun one to play IMO.
Maybe you could add a short little solo in there, something like Disturbed did in their last record, nothing over the top, but it would deff. add to it.
Overall get some good vocals in here and you have a solid song.
Crit mine plz?
Newest one is the first one on my signature.
Thx
/m/

revan1013
05-27-2007, 04:43 AM
Yeah if I could write vocals in GP5 well it would be a much more complete song. I am very vocal-oriented in my music, and I like to keep the music simple and heavy and focus on lyrics. I probably need to focus on making the music be able to keep up on its own without vocals. I'm glad you liked the bass part, it's usually the best track in most of my songs, even though I haven't played my bass in 9 months. I like Disturbed and noticed those tiny little solos they added in Ten Thousand Fists, maybe I'll look into that and see what I can do.

Thanks very much guys, and I'll crit yours now.

masterskill
05-27-2007, 05:07 AM
hrm, the main issue I have with the song is that it doesn't really go anywhere. The riffs are pretty forgettable, and the drums backing them just don't seem to match in intensity. I can see how the song would get bumped a few notches up with vocals, but for now its a little short and a little too direction-less.

On the plus side, I did like the intro bass riff. After that it got a bit sour. Keep up the work though, you can only improve.

Crit mine, if you dont mind. "A return" in my sig.