Our first song


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XxLloydxX
05-23-2007, 05:30 PM
This is me and my bro's first song and we need comments on it, what we could fix and such or if you think it doens't need corrections say so (minute 5 still needs to becomplete as we haven't completed it yet), we've been playing for more over a year and we've tried making songs before but we just weren't so inspired.
We don't know almost anything bout theory since we're selftaught but we're going to get a teacher soon
this is our fist song aand it's not finished yet, and we are lookign forward to making this song a pretty long one.

I made guitar, piano keyboards and bass (i made them with my guitar because i only knwo how to play guitar) and my bro made the drums. He also helped me make a few piano melodies.

hope you enjoy it!

edit: this is not an instrumental, we will add a melody for the lyrics when we finish the song as we still have many ideas to keep it going until we end it in a perfect way

mp3: (RSE)
http://www.purevolume.com/whahahaha

ch715dallat
05-23-2007, 08:32 PM
it gets a bit borin at th estart but yeah vocas would help that out. it sounds like a good ballad i love the drums :eek: your bros a pretty good composer of beats ;) it was good, i liked the solo if you can do that without a teacher you probably dont need one man, its far better to learn without on, it saves money and you can learn faster especially with the amount of information on the web ;)

crit mine in my sig if you have time. The End Of Civilisation one ;)

XxLloydxX
05-28-2007, 09:09 PM
Thanks for your crit, i alreday heard your song and it was fantastic job and i'll soon be criting it ch715dallat.

Btw, i added new stuff and a more instrumental part but there is still some holes to fill after the 5th minute with guitar and keyboard. And i passed the file to mp3 format so that it sounds richer.

http://www.purevolume.com/whahahaha

edit: crit for crit!

ch715dallat
05-28-2007, 09:26 PM
just one thing, that riff in the mp3 version where it jumps from side to side of the earphones is ****in annoying just make it panned centre as its very distracting. ;)

lonejedio5
05-29-2007, 07:55 AM
Hmmm, the beginning sounded alot like Beethoven's Moonlight sonata. Deff. beautiful.
hahaha thats cool about the piano and the bass parts being written on guitar, I myself wrote my piano and guitar parts on the bass since thats all I play.
Anywho, I love the atmosphere of this song. Love the bass lines. I thought it was a little weird how it went back to the slow part at 1:40.......a little too sudden maybe?
It deff. is a beautiful piece however. The drumming fits the song perfectly I thought, complemented the music well. Love it at around 2:50 and onwards. Has a very epic feel to it. For a first song this is tremendously great. Wouldnt expect less from someone who's influenced by John Petrucci. ;)
Hmm, seems to me like you should find a Good teacher, since you can play pretty good already. I think maybe you just want to learn more music theory.
Overall, this song was really good. Cool bass at around 5:00. Solo was great too.
Deff. good stuff man.
8.5/10

zakatak9389
05-29-2007, 08:06 PM
Well man, this is quite an accomplishment for a first song. The intro get's a little boring as mentioned previously, but it would be good w/ vocals. The piano is fantastic as well as the strings and drums, hell, everything kicked ass, even the bass lines. I like how when you repeated the stuff, you added variation w/ the keyboard, to keep things interesting. It made me happy to hear that, instead of just something that was like copied and pasted.

The solo was pretty damn good man. It had everything that I think a good solo should be made of, fast shred licks, emotional melodies, varied rhythms, very very good stuff. Don't get lessons man. If you can do stuff like that already, save your money for new gear or something. I never got lessons either, and I don't think it's a necessity to write good songs.

I didn't really like the transfer into the next section though, it sounded way to rough, you should work on that a little. Although, once that section got going it sounded great. I also liked pretty much everything after that except for the ending. I felt like the song ended too soon. I don't mind listening to a 10 minute song, and I think this could easily be one. I just think that it should be lengthened, and the section after the solo could use some work w/ that transfer. 9/10
Crit mine if you can (in sig)

XxLloydxX
05-29-2007, 10:15 PM
thanks for the crits guys and i'll be sure to keep that riff panned to the center chris
i still need a teahcre since what i know about theory is merely what i learned playign DT songs,the key changes, octaves, formign chords, but if i were to say i learned how to do that theorically i dunno how to explain or how to make a chord with theory so i do need a good teacher to teach me all this stuff so i could make music with less effort.

zakatak9389 the song isn't over yet, it's where me and my bro left off we have an idea for what might come next but don't have to do it because of school (the song may end up being 10minute length, we didn't expect it us to get to a 7 minute song for our first song). I'll hear and crit your song when i have a bit of time, i'm kinda ****ed up with school and have very small tiem for myself.