View Full Version : MARCH OF THE PUPPETS - Hardcore - [GP5]

05-28-2007, 11:30 AM
Hey everyone

This is a song for my new Punkmetal/Hardcore band, Civil Disobedience.

I will crit for crit, and i kinda want to know ur honest opinion, since it's for my band and we want to utterly slay all the local poppy bands who dare call themselves punk :P

Changed on basis of 1st 2 crits, plz send more!


05-28-2007, 12:56 PM
It was an ok song. The thing that really bothered me the most is that you have two guitars, but they play the same exact thing 90% of the song. And some parts do get repetitive, I suggest to take out some of the repeats that you have. Also, if you can, fix up the drums, they annoyed me the most. Overall, it's a good start, just try it to "tweak" it a bit, is how I like to say it.

05-28-2007, 01:35 PM
Well I liked it. The riff was really good in my opinion. Although I agree with the post above, I think you might want to have the guitars play something a little different in some spots. Since it can get repetitive. Liked the solo, although it was a bit too short...maybe lengthen it up a bit. But deff. a solid song, great for moshing.
Like mentioned before, add little parts here and there and it'll be a great song.

Crit mine plz? Either first in my sign. or one I just posted recently.

05-28-2007, 03:07 PM
Cheers so far, lonejedi i critted your bass one, i think it was the metal bass song...
Chris, i critted ur very good Metalcore piece. I'm gonna change mine now to integrate a harmony in the bridge piece, which should add some variety, i'll lengthen the solo

05-28-2007, 03:55 PM
Bumped due to 1st post being edited

05-28-2007, 05:08 PM
I didn't like the drums at all, as they were very noisy, but didn't really keep the beat well. Also, the type of guitar riff you have going on all the way through sounds the same as nearly every metal song in the world :sad: I didn't like how you had 2 guitars doing practically the same thing other. Solo fit well though.

05-28-2007, 07:15 PM
This stuff is kind of crazy hardcore metal stufff :haha
I think you should add more variation to the riffs as they get repetitive.....maybe add some strings or make the bass or guitar play a different melody.
I liked the intro for the verse riff, but then I think it doesn't sound too good with the fast palm muting and powerchords afterwards..
The bridge adds more melody than the lasts riffs.....
The solo sounded nice, specially those vibrato notes....could be longer though.

All those riffs sound very repetitive in the end, I think they need something more....maybe piano or strings to make them less boring....try to repeat less those riffs and add more variation to them....and maybe don't center everything around fast riffs and add some more melodical pieces to the song.....maybe some nice instrumental so as to make some change in it :)
Needs some more stuff and fixing......but I think it will be great in the end :)

05-29-2007, 06:36 AM
Thanks for the crits guys

The strings and piano thing might be hard cos we actually play this in my band, and there's me and another guy on guitar, a bassist, drummer and singer. I see the point about repetition, and the GuitarPro makes the fast palm mutes sound like crap. I'll sort out the drums as well.

05-29-2007, 11:59 AM
i actually enjoyed this but the riff at 25 i think it was, wasnt very good i just sounded weird. loved bridge one tho ;) the solo fitted in well with the song, it would be good with vocals id say it would be a real mosher headbangin song :headbang: but it ended way too abruptly.

Mind critting the top one in my sig and if you feel like it the seond one too ;)

Edit: Just realised same gear man ;) RG321MH and cube 30 FTW :dance:

05-29-2007, 12:09 PM
Cheers dude, thanks. I see wot u mean about the 2nd chorus riff, i was tryin to put somethin a bit different in there. Critting the top one in your sig

05-29-2007, 01:56 PM
I really had a hard time listening to those drums... it just doesn't flow because of them, in my opinion. You should definitly re-do them. Please, do try and add some variation to the riffs through harmonizing and/or simply varying the guitar sections, adding a small bass fill or something, this, as is, was far too repetitive.

Remember, HardCore is about rhythm, as is Punk (mostly), so don't try to be too cutty with your time blocks, keap the rythm flowing! Be as aggressive as you want, but flow... listen to Slipknot, Soulfly, Demon Hunter (my fav! :D) and see what I mean... they may be lots of "stuff" going on at once, but the rhythm is clearly defined and FLOWS. Your song felt too jumpy and reminded me of a person having a seisure... no flow, no finness... sorry bud...

The riff ideas are simple, but pretty damn good, though.

I think this could be really good with some good drumming to keap the flow and plenty of variation... vocal rhythm will come into play alot live, as you well know, so don't oversaturate the song, though.

Best of luck.

05-29-2007, 02:15 PM
Cheers dude.

I definitely gotta redo the drums, and I've done most of them now, but damn GCSEs are slowing the workrate. I'll upload it again as soon as I can

05-29-2007, 07:43 PM
Dude, where's the file at?

05-29-2007, 08:58 PM
Dude, where's the file at?

hes redoing drums ;)

05-29-2007, 09:03 PM
^^ well then I'm a dumb@$$ cuz I didn't read his post, so ignore what I said. :)

05-30-2007, 07:54 AM
Drums are redone!

05-30-2007, 08:02 AM
Bridge 1 is awesome dude. Very repetitive song other wise though. I think the drumming could use more attention. It's just too. plain

05-30-2007, 09:34 AM
You didn't do **** to the drums! They are still too choppy...

05-30-2007, 10:14 AM
I don't know what to do with the drums! In my old band I never wrote the drums, so I have absolutely no idea wot I'm doing. Why don't you alter the drums to what you think so I can see what you think would be good?

05-31-2007, 05:30 AM
Its a good song, maybe sort out the drums a little, and try and have the two guitar parts playing something different more often, maybe a harmonized sequence?, other than that its a really cool song


05-31-2007, 06:32 AM
Cheers for the crit, I'll try and slot a harmony in somewhere, and I got no idea what the hell to do with the drums.. :/

I'll crit yours now

06-01-2007, 12:39 PM
You said; I did.

It did take a while (I'm rather busy in the real world) but it's done.

So, here it is, MY take on YOUR song.


...they aren't anything magical (like a unicorn), but they do their job.


...they aren't anything special (like a fenix), but they subtract from the songs overall repetitive feel.

Hope this helps, best of luck man!

06-01-2007, 03:18 PM
This reminds me a lot of Mastodon for some reason. especially bridge 1. Its ok..

Edit: Leo P8 that was the **** :D well done.

06-03-2007, 09:51 AM
wtf you changed every riff. forget you're "variations". Pay attention to this: