MARCH OF THE PUPPETS - Hardcore - [GP5]


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ClosedCasket
05-28-2007, 11:30 AM
Hey everyone

This is a song for my new Punkmetal/Hardcore band, Civil Disobedience.

I will crit for crit, and i kinda want to know ur honest opinion, since it's for my band and we want to utterly slay all the local poppy bands who dare call themselves punk :P

ADDED NEW FILE, THIS HAS BEEN CHANGED NOW :P
Changed on basis of 1st 2 crits, plz send more!

DRUMS HAVE BEEN REDONE!!

chris_122
05-28-2007, 12:56 PM
It was an ok song. The thing that really bothered me the most is that you have two guitars, but they play the same exact thing 90% of the song. And some parts do get repetitive, I suggest to take out some of the repeats that you have. Also, if you can, fix up the drums, they annoyed me the most. Overall, it's a good start, just try it to "tweak" it a bit, is how I like to say it.

lonejedio5
05-28-2007, 01:35 PM
Well I liked it. The riff was really good in my opinion. Although I agree with the post above, I think you might want to have the guitars play something a little different in some spots. Since it can get repetitive. Liked the solo, although it was a bit too short...maybe lengthen it up a bit. But deff. a solid song, great for moshing.
Like mentioned before, add little parts here and there and it'll be a great song.
8/10

Crit mine plz? Either first in my sign. or one I just posted recently.
thx.

ClosedCasket
05-28-2007, 03:07 PM
Cheers so far, lonejedi i critted your bass one, i think it was the metal bass song...
Chris, i critted ur very good Metalcore piece. I'm gonna change mine now to integrate a harmony in the bridge piece, which should add some variety, i'll lengthen the solo

ClosedCasket
05-28-2007, 03:55 PM
Bumped due to 1st post being edited

gallagher2006
05-28-2007, 05:08 PM
I didn't like the drums at all, as they were very noisy, but didn't really keep the beat well. Also, the type of guitar riff you have going on all the way through sounds the same as nearly every metal song in the world :sad: I didn't like how you had 2 guitars doing practically the same thing other. Solo fit well though.

gonzaw
05-28-2007, 07:15 PM
This stuff is kind of crazy hardcore metal stufff :haha
I think you should add more variation to the riffs as they get repetitive.....maybe add some strings or make the bass or guitar play a different melody.
I liked the intro for the verse riff, but then I think it doesn't sound too good with the fast palm muting and powerchords afterwards..
The bridge adds more melody than the lasts riffs.....
The solo sounded nice, specially those vibrato notes....could be longer though.

All those riffs sound very repetitive in the end, I think they need something more....maybe piano or strings to make them less boring....try to repeat less those riffs and add more variation to them....and maybe don't center everything around fast riffs and add some more melodical pieces to the song.....maybe some nice instrumental so as to make some change in it :)
Needs some more stuff and fixing......but I think it will be great in the end :)

ClosedCasket
05-29-2007, 06:36 AM
Thanks for the crits guys

The strings and piano thing might be hard cos we actually play this in my band, and there's me and another guy on guitar, a bassist, drummer and singer. I see the point about repetition, and the GuitarPro makes the fast palm mutes sound like crap. I'll sort out the drums as well.

ch715dallat
05-29-2007, 11:59 AM
i actually enjoyed this but the riff at 25 i think it was, wasnt very good i just sounded weird. loved bridge one tho ;) the solo fitted in well with the song, it would be good with vocals id say it would be a real mosher headbangin song :headbang: but it ended way too abruptly.

Mind critting the top one in my sig and if you feel like it the seond one too ;)

Edit: Just realised same gear man ;) RG321MH and cube 30 FTW :dance:

ClosedCasket
05-29-2007, 12:09 PM
Cheers dude, thanks. I see wot u mean about the 2nd chorus riff, i was tryin to put somethin a bit different in there. Critting the top one in your sig

leo_p8
05-29-2007, 01:56 PM
I really had a hard time listening to those drums... it just doesn't flow because of them, in my opinion. You should definitly re-do them. Please, do try and add some variation to the riffs through harmonizing and/or simply varying the guitar sections, adding a small bass fill or something, this, as is, was far too repetitive.

Remember, HardCore is about rhythm, as is Punk (mostly), so don't try to be too cutty with your time blocks, keap the rythm flowing! Be as aggressive as you want, but flow... listen to Slipknot, Soulfly, Demon Hunter (my fav! :D) and see what I mean... they may be lots of "stuff" going on at once, but the rhythm is clearly defined and FLOWS. Your song felt too jumpy and reminded me of a person having a seisure... no flow, no finness... sorry bud...

The riff ideas are simple, but pretty damn good, though.

I think this could be really good with some good drumming to keap the flow and plenty of variation... vocal rhythm will come into play alot live, as you well know, so don't oversaturate the song, though.

Best of luck.

ClosedCasket
05-29-2007, 02:15 PM
Cheers dude.

I definitely gotta redo the drums, and I've done most of them now, but damn GCSEs are slowing the workrate. I'll upload it again as soon as I can

zakatak9389
05-29-2007, 07:43 PM
Dude, where's the file at?

ch715dallat
05-29-2007, 08:58 PM
Dude, where's the file at?

hes redoing drums ;)

zakatak9389
05-29-2007, 09:03 PM
^^ well then I'm a dumb@$$ cuz I didn't read his post, so ignore what I said. :)

ClosedCasket
05-30-2007, 07:54 AM
Drums are redone!

Coins
05-30-2007, 08:02 AM
Bridge 1 is awesome dude. Very repetitive song other wise though. I think the drumming could use more attention. It's just too. plain

leo_p8
05-30-2007, 09:34 AM
You didn't do **** to the drums! They are still too choppy...

ClosedCasket
05-30-2007, 10:14 AM
I don't know what to do with the drums! In my old band I never wrote the drums, so I have absolutely no idea wot I'm doing. Why don't you alter the drums to what you think so I can see what you think would be good?

jamiedonnelly93
05-31-2007, 05:30 AM
Its a good song, maybe sort out the drums a little, and try and have the two guitar parts playing something different more often, maybe a harmonized sequence?, other than that its a really cool song

C4C?

http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=596451

ClosedCasket
05-31-2007, 06:32 AM
Cheers for the crit, I'll try and slot a harmony in somewhere, and I got no idea what the hell to do with the drums.. :/

I'll crit yours now

leo_p8
06-01-2007, 12:39 PM
You said; I did.

It did take a while (I'm rather busy in the real world) but it's done.

So, here it is, MY take on YOUR song.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE DRUMS.

...they aren't anything magical (like a unicorn), but they do their job.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE VARIATIONS.

...they aren't anything special (like a fenix), but they subtract from the songs overall repetitive feel.

Hope this helps, best of luck man!

kylendm
06-01-2007, 03:18 PM
This reminds me a lot of Mastodon for some reason. especially bridge 1. Its ok..

Edit: Leo P8 that was the **** :D well done.

ClosedCasket
06-03-2007, 09:51 AM
wtf you changed every riff. forget you're "variations". Pay attention to this:

STFU