The Punk Jokes thread


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BrianApocalypse
02-15-2008, 08:46 PM
Hello everyone, I decided to make a thread for jokes related to punk.

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/joke

Here is a bad joke generator, I use it to make bad jokes such as:

Where does Danzig go on holiday?
Shortugal

Where does Ian mackaye go on holiday?
Crapan

What does Ian Mackaye have for dinner?
DUMPlings

What does Ian Mackaye have for desert?
A nice juicy c0ck

and so on, rip away.

werty22
02-15-2008, 08:57 PM
Q. What's the similarity between an elephant and a plum?
A. They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!"

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw plums charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!" (He was color blind.)

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants wearing sunglasses charging over the hill?
A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw giraffes charging over the hill?
A. "Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q. What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A. An elephant six-pack.

Q. What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A. Trunkquilizers.

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was tied to the first elephant.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It thought it was a game.

Q. Why did the tree fall over?
A. It thought it was an elephant.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A. Big holes all over Australia.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A. An inside out elephant.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A. Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

Q. What does an elephant smell like before he takes a shower?
A. An elephant.

Q. What does an elephant smell like after he takes a shower?
A. A wet elephant.

Q. What do you call an elephant riding on a train?
A. A passenger.

Q. What happened when an elephant took the bus?
A. The police made him give it back.

Q. What's gray, has two tusks, and weighs 3,000 pounds?
A. A statue of a walrus.

Q. Why are elephants terrible dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.

Q. How do you make a slow elephant fast?
A. Take away all of his peanuts.

Q. Why did all the elephants wear red sweatshirts?
A. They were all on the same team.

Q. What has twelve legs, is pink, and chants, "Na, na, na"?
A. Three pink elephants singing "Hey Jude."

Q. What's the best way to make an elephant sculpture?
A. Take a block of marble and a chisel, and chip away anything that doesn't look like elephant.

Q. Where do baby elephants come from?
A. Really, really big storks.

Q. Why is an elephant large, gray, hairy, and wrinkly?
A. Because if it were small, white, hairless, and smooth, it'd be an aspirin.

Q. Why did the elephant dry his dishes with a blue dish towel?
A. Because they were wet.

Q. Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A. Because they kept letting their trunks down.

Q. What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A. Cold ones.

Q. What did the river say when the elephant sat in it?
A. "Well, I'll be dammed!"

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
A. The big "E" on his pajamas.

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
A. The ceiling is REALLY close.

Oh, punk jokes. I thought you said elephant jokes. My bad.

deathpidgeon
02-15-2008, 09:00 PM
shame on you both

BrianApocalypse
02-15-2008, 09:01 PM
haha, I was going to say.

Although Elephants can play punk, just look at Steve Jones!

/shouldn't really laugh at that one, is a bit of a Jonesy himself.

Chaise Boogie
02-15-2008, 09:04 PM
Just, wtf was with all those elephant jokes? I mean...how many can there be...

vamprocker
02-15-2008, 09:07 PM
What Do You Call A Punk Guitarist With Half A Brain

Overquallifed

syngates07
02-15-2008, 09:07 PM
wow.

BrianApocalypse
02-15-2008, 09:09 PM
How many Elephants does it take to start a ska band?
None, they're too white.

Did you hear about the elephant who joined Sonic Boom Six?
She's called Laila.

BrianApocalypse
02-15-2008, 09:11 PM
What Do You Call A Punk Guitarist With Half A Brain

Overquallifed

Haha, nice one.

Here's a good joke:

Average intelligence of a metalhead (http://profile.ultimate-guitar.com/vamprocker/)

RockThe40oz
02-15-2008, 09:27 PM
What's The Casualties's favourite book?
A Tale Of Two Shities

BrianApocalypse
02-15-2008, 09:53 PM
What's The Casualties's favourite book?
A Tale Of Two Shities

:haha

Seriously, everyone knows that the Casualties are true punks and therefore can't read...

ianscrandlecake
02-15-2008, 10:19 PM
someone get that punk a drink, he looks perched...

wait bird not punk my bad

axeslash
02-15-2008, 11:20 PM
What do you call a metalhed with half a brain?
I forget the punch line, but their mothers are promiscuous and fornicate often.

original=punk
02-16-2008, 02:30 AM
What do you call a metalhed with half a brain?
I forget the punch line, but their mothers are promiscuous and fornicate often.


what's the difference between an ill mallard and your mother?

one's a sick duck, i forget the rest but your mother's a *****.



that is the only good thing SNL has ever done.

neidnarb11890
02-16-2008, 02:50 AM
Q. What's the similarity between an elephant and a plum?
A. They're both purple, except for the elephant.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!"

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw plums charging over the hill?
A. "Here come the elephants!" (He was color blind.)

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants wearing sunglasses charging over the hill?
A. Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw giraffes charging over the hill?
A. "Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

Q. What is convenient and weighs 20,000 pounds?
A. An elephant six-pack.

Q. What do elephants take when they get hysterical?
A. Trunkquilizers.

Q. Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A. Because it was dead.

Q. Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It was tied to the first elephant.

Q. Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A. It thought it was a game.

Q. Why did the tree fall over?
A. It thought it was an elephant.

Q. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A. Big holes all over Australia.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red on the outside?
A. An inside out elephant.

Q. What's gray and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A. Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.

Q. What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
A. Nothing. It just gave a little wine.

Q. What does an elephant smell like before he takes a shower?
A. An elephant.

Q. What does an elephant smell like after he takes a shower?
A. A wet elephant.

Q. What do you call an elephant riding on a train?
A. A passenger.

Q. What happened when an elephant took the bus?
A. The police made him give it back.

Q. What's gray, has two tusks, and weighs 3,000 pounds?
A. A statue of a walrus.

Q. Why are elephants terrible dancers?
A. Because they have two left feet.

Q. How do you make a slow elephant fast?
A. Take away all of his peanuts.

Q. Why did all the elephants wear red sweatshirts?
A. They were all on the same team.

Q. What has twelve legs, is pink, and chants, "Na, na, na"?
A. Three pink elephants singing "Hey Jude."

Q. What's the best way to make an elephant sculpture?
A. Take a block of marble and a chisel, and chip away anything that doesn't look like elephant.

Q. Where do baby elephants come from?
A. Really, really big storks.

Q. Why is an elephant large, gray, hairy, and wrinkly?
A. Because if it were small, white, hairless, and smooth, it'd be an aspirin.

Q. Why did the elephant dry his dishes with a blue dish towel?
A. Because they were wet.

Q. Why were the elephants thrown out of the swimming pool?
A. Because they kept letting their trunks down.

Q. What kind of elephants live at the North Pole?
A. Cold ones.

Q. What did the river say when the elephant sat in it?
A. "Well, I'll be dammed!"

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant in your bed?
A. The big "E" on his pajamas.

Q. How do you tell if there is an elephant under your bed?
A. The ceiling is REALLY close.

Oh, punk jokes. I thought you said elephant jokes. My bad.
:haha :haha :haha :haha
For some reason I found that hilarious. :confused:

lolmnt
02-16-2008, 02:52 AM
:haha :haha :haha :haha
For some reason I found that hilarious. :confused:I did laugh pretty hard

Mav-16
02-16-2008, 03:43 AM
So...........

how many Punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

20

1 to screw it in and 19 to call him a SELLOUT!

DanRev
02-16-2008, 09:48 AM
Did you hear about the elephant who joined Sonic Boom Six?
She's called Laila.





:haha :haha :haha

Cameronrobson
02-16-2008, 10:31 AM
Q What do you call the guy with all the tattoos from Black Flag?
A Henry Rollins

Q Why did the Misfits cross the road?
A There was merchandising opportunities at the other side.

Q What is a great way to bring about social revolution?
A Basic chord progressions and inaudible lyrics.

Q How many members of Greenday does it take to hop on a bandwagon four years ago?
A Three, but four on some songs.

Q What is the most rebbelious thing a punk can do?
Spell things rong.

dannay
02-16-2008, 11:41 AM
Q What do you call the guy with all the tattoos from Black Flag?
A Henry Rollins

Q Why did the Misfits cross the road?
A There was merchandising opportunities at the other side.

Q What is a great way to bring about social revolution?
A Basic chord progressions and inaudible lyrics.

Q How many members of Greenday does it take to hop on a bandwagon four years ago?
A Three, but four on some songs.

Q What is the most rebbelious thing a punk can do?
Spell things rong.
this man wins. for the misfits joke and the jello biafra avatar.

original=punk
02-16-2008, 01:47 PM
Really, i only liked one of your jokes Cameronrobinson, and thats the misfits one.

Cause at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you really gotta let go. You seem to have either a lot of hatred towards thing, or you have a good sense of humour to recognize the fact that jokes don't have to speak your true opinion.

BrianApocalypse
02-16-2008, 02:08 PM
^ Agreed.

I love the misfits, it's just that I also like ripping on them even more.

kaptink
02-16-2008, 03:59 PM
Q:How many Ramones does it take to screw in a light bulb?


A:"one, two, three, four!"

RizzoWashburn
02-16-2008, 04:24 PM
How many Punks does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3, 1 to screw it in and 2 to argue about who did it first.

Ska Wars
02-16-2008, 05:45 PM
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None, punks never change anything.

Got it from the Operation: Cliff Clavin song.

StreetLight3989
02-16-2008, 05:47 PM
The worst joke ever.

Dude 1:Wow, look at those peacocks playing ****ty music!

Dude 2:That's Just The Casualties.

Dude 1:Oh, UP DA P0NX!

Dude 2: YEAH, UP DA P0NX!

devourthekitten
02-17-2008, 04:44 PM
:haha :haha :haha :haha
For some reason I found that hilarious. :confused:
It was! It's brilliant! I posted a bulletin with those on MyFace...

gopherthegreat
02-17-2008, 07:09 PM
Q: What's Jello's favourite film?
A: The Lord of the Rings: The Jellowship of the Ring

:p:

original=punk
02-17-2008, 09:40 PM
How many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None, punks never change anything.

Got it from the Operation: Cliff Clavin song.


good band, i knwo one thats basically the same.



How many riot grrls does it take to change a light bulb?

None, feminists never change anything.

mike2
02-18-2008, 04:28 AM
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...

original=punk
02-18-2008, 12:44 PM
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...


no, feminists with their "I'm better than you because I was oppressed for ages" attitude. It's not cute, it really isn't.

sargasm
02-18-2008, 01:42 PM
Feminists, with their being generalized by the idiots who give feminism a bad name.

Anyway, how many punks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Punks can't afford electricity. lolol.

BostonLacrosse
02-18-2008, 02:01 PM
how many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?

none...all the punks are dead

crustyreed
02-18-2008, 02:25 PM
ha....feminists...with their "I want to be equal" attitude

it's cute...honestly...it is...

i was just upstairs, and on the news it was talking about this nutty catholic school that didn't allow female referees to ref mens basketball. why? because it says women should NEVER have authority over men.
:rolleyes:

original=punk
02-18-2008, 03:05 PM
Feminists, with their being generalized by the idiots who give feminism a bad name.

Might be where I come from, I've never met one feminist who wanted equality. So excuse my bitterness.

IlikeTheSKA
02-18-2008, 03:55 PM
What kind of shoes to the Casualties wear?
Nike Dunx

DanRev
02-18-2008, 04:12 PM
How many ska fans does it take to change a light bulb.


2, one to take the old one out and the other to pick it up




Apologies if its already been done.

BrianApocalypse
02-18-2008, 04:19 PM
How many old punks does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, because they're by far superior to young punks.

ss311
02-18-2008, 04:28 PM
Is it wrong that I find most of these hilarious? :(

RizzoWashburn
02-18-2008, 04:31 PM
How many BrianApocalypses does it take to change a light bulb?

Multiple, because he's in college and technically still a "young punk".

:peace:

ss311
02-18-2008, 04:35 PM
You're wrong, Rizzo.

There's only one brianapocalypse.

That, my friends, is suck-up line of the year.

Cameronrobson
02-18-2008, 04:47 PM
Really, i only liked one of your jokes Cameronrobinson, and thats the misfits one.

Cause at the end of the day, when all is said and done, you really gotta let go. You seem to have either a lot of hatred towards thing, or you have a good sense of humour to recognize the fact that jokes don't have to speak your true opinion.
I think it's the second one.

Oh, and I have another joke for yalls:

Christian Hardcore.

BrianApocalypse
02-18-2008, 05:52 PM
You're wrong, Rizzo.

There's only one brianapocalypse.

That, my friends, is suck-up line of the year.

Agreed, there's no one quite like me.

crustyreed
02-18-2008, 05:56 PM
I think it's the second one.

Oh, and I have another joke for yalls:

Christian Hardcore.


their are CRUSTIANS

yes crustie christians.

the equivalent of right wing crust. Mind boggling

BrianApocalypse
02-18-2008, 05:58 PM
How many ska guitarists does it take to play a power chord?

Four. One to hold the guitar, one to strum it, one to play the root and one to play the octave and the fifth.

devourthekitten
02-18-2008, 06:07 PM
Feminists, with their being generalized by the idiots who give feminism a bad name.
You get devourthekitten's Gangsta Award Of The Month. (Different, it has "gangsta", rather than "gangster")


their are CRUSTIANS

yes crustie christians.

the equivalent of right wing crust. Mind boggling
Do they want to die?

RockThe40oz
02-18-2008, 10:34 PM
their are CRUSTIANS

yes crustie christians.

the equivalent of right wing crust. Mind boggling

There are also trusties

or, rather, trust punx

Trust punx:
n.
Origin: American. From the root words "Punk" and "Trust Fund"
one who leaves home in the car their mommy and daddy bought them to go play anarchist for a day in some random locations while keeping in touch on their new iPhone fit with Crass ringtones.
see also: weekend squatter

crustyreed
02-18-2008, 10:43 PM
There are also trusties

or, rather, trust punx

Trust punx:
n.
Origin: American. From the root words "Punk" and "Trust Fund"
one who leaves home in the car their mommy and daddy bought them to go play anarchist for a day in some random locations while keeping in touch on their new iPhone fit with Crass ringtones.
see also: weekend squatter


Yeah i've heard of some people with the 'guilty of being white 40 year old liberal parents'' who have 'trust funds', and since they squat all the money goes towards beer. I think soon the crusties will challenge the street punx, to see who really are the drunker punx. my poster name is misleading but in chicago we have a huge gap between the young crust/powerviolence/grind scene and the proper crusties.

RockThe40oz
02-18-2008, 11:28 PM
I've found that a lot of street punks claim to be crazy drinkers, but actually get pretty well hammered way too easily

BrianApocalypse
02-19-2008, 04:13 AM
I really hate the punk fans that drink all of the time. They're probably worse than the punks that never drink.

Drinking or not drinking does not make you a super hard punk rocker.

Having the odd drink, though, is very respectable indeed, because it shows social skills and control. You can have your cake and eat it.

axeslash
02-19-2008, 04:19 AM
^Not drinking a lot is like being able to have your cake, eat it, and trip over it too.

BrianApocalypse
02-19-2008, 04:33 AM
I once tripped over to save a pizza.

axeslash
02-19-2008, 04:44 AM
I once tripped over to save a pizza.
Pizza is more important than Jebus.

axeslash
02-19-2008, 07:11 AM
"How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to grab the lightbulb, one to turn the ladder, and 18 to wait on the guest list."
-Lee Ving

SuperBlob
02-19-2008, 09:12 AM
I really hate the punk fans that drink all of the time. They're probably worse than the punks that never drink.

Drinking or not drinking does not make you a super hard punk rocker.

Having the odd drink, though, is very respectable indeed, because it shows social skills and control. You can have your cake and eat it.
What if you just don't like drinking? Like me? :p:

BrianApocalypse
02-19-2008, 11:28 AM
If you don't like drinking, don't f*cking drink.

I hate people that don't like drinking but do because they feel that they need to. Because it's normal.

After all, what could be more normal than drinking piss-coloured vegetable drinks? :rolleyes:

lavazza
02-19-2008, 11:32 AM
After all, what could be more normal than drinking piss

*fixed*

That┤s normal for a tr00 ponk

BrianApocalypse
02-19-2008, 11:34 AM
Oh, of course, forgive me. Yes, true punks drink pints of Charlie Harper's frothy urine.

PS, if you're going to "fix" a post, don't exempt the question mark.

lavazza
02-19-2008, 11:36 AM
Je suis merde

I fix what I want ┐comprendes senor?

BrianApocalypse
02-19-2008, 11:58 AM
Lavazza ist einen beerstein von durchfall.

lavazza
02-19-2008, 12:01 PM
Lavazza is highly intelligent.

right....should I put it in my sig?