drummer issues


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rebelmidget
02-15-2008, 11:25 PM
basically my drummer (who's one of my best friends) tends to make major band decisions without consulting the band
we've been a "band" in some form or another for 2 years now and he's done everything from changing the genre we play to replacing me with another guitarist who didn't even want to be in the band
all without consulting anyone

his latest bit of shenanigans has been deciding he's going to quit playing drums and all of the sudden morph into our lead singer/lead guitarist.
he sucks at guitar
can't sing
and seems to think he'll pick them both up very quickly...by changing us from a ska band to a punk band
i've tried to explain to him he sucks with out hurting his EXTREMELY FRAGILE ego
but he doesn't get it
my bass player and I have started an acoustic side project so we can get some actual music done and i feel like we have to hide it from him.

any advice on how to let the big guy down/ put him in his place?

rebelmidget
02-16-2008, 12:42 AM
nobody wants to give a little advice?

axemanchris
02-16-2008, 01:24 AM
to replacing me with another guitarist who didn't even want to be in the band


And you call him one of your best friends?

I say dump the dude, move on, and meet some new people. Surely it won't take long to find a new best friend, if this is the bar that is set.

He has no redeeming qualities - not even as a friend, from what you've posted here. Musically, he insists on dragging everyone down with him, and professionally, he's an idiot. Let him grow up on his own time while you pursue other things and move forward without him.

CT

SlackerBabbath
02-16-2008, 07:26 AM
basically my drummer (who's one of my best friends) tends to make major band decisions without consulting the band
we've been a "band" in some form or another for 2 years now and he's done everything from changing the genre we play to replacing me with another guitarist who didn't even want to be in the band
all without consulting anyone

his latest bit of shenanigans has been deciding he's going to quit playing drums and all of the sudden morph into our lead singer/lead guitarist.
he sucks at guitar
can't sing
and seems to think he'll pick them both up very quickly...by changing us from a ska band to a punk band
i've tried to explain to him he sucks with out hurting his EXTREMELY FRAGILE ego
but he doesn't get it
my bass player and I have started an acoustic side project so we can get some actual music done and i feel like we have to hide it from him.

any advice on how to let the big guy down/ put him in his place?

:eek:
Just turn around, and walk away. This guy sounds like a musical liability so do like axemanchris says.
I appreciate he's your friend though and you don't want to hurt his feelings, but the truth is, his feelings are likely be hurt however you do it because he's a prima donna. But it really wouldn't be fair to you or any other member of your band to be tied to this guy just because his feelings might be hurt. That's called 'emotional blackmail'

If you really feel like going to extreme lengths just to save his feelings, then put another band together without him and tell him about it, make sure it's as different from his style as is humanly possible so that he wouldn't feel let down because no one would expect him to want to join such a band. Then tell him it's just a 'side project.'
Now, over a period of time, say... 6 months, start letting him down slightly, miss the odd rehearsal with him now and then, then start hinting that the side project is starting to take over as your main band by constantly talking about it and telling him how great it's sounding. Eventualy, it's going to come to the point where either he's gonna suggest a split, or you are gonna suggest a split because the other band is taking up so much of your time, you're finding it impossible to be in both bands. By this time, he'll have figured out that the band is going nowhere and it won't be such a shock, infact, he may be glad to be shut of you because he'll think your unreliable. ;)

So you have a choice, hurt his feelings (he'll get over it eventualy) or spend 6 months pi**ing him around.

Another option would be to palm him off on someone else. Drummers are generaly in short supply, so if you hear of another band wanting a drummer, put his name forwards.
If he joins another band, it makes your split from him easier for him to take because he's already got another band to play with. It'll make your split from him more amicable.

I went through a similar thing years ago.
A mate of mine (a singer) had asked me (on bass) and a guitarist and a drummer to join his band.
He wasn't a bad singer, but he was bossy and wouldn't listen to anyone elses point of view, but the rest of us just clicked perfectly and wanted to do different stuff.
After a year or so we figured we were a lot better off without him but it was his band so we couldn't sack him, so we all left, one at a time, over about 3 weeks, and eventualy formed a different band without him. (with the vocals being shared between me and the guitarist) He was livid and even turned up on my doorstep wanting to fight, but after a year or so, when he saw that this new band was doing a lot better without him, he turned up one night to a gig of ours, shook all our hands at the end of the night and wished us all well.
Eventualy he moved on and put another band together and last I heard of him he's still with them and after a couple of line up changes, they're doing OK.

Sometimes you just have to be cruel to be kind.

rebelmidget
02-16-2008, 04:32 PM
k
thanks for the advice guys