handling a delicate situation


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Ktool The Girth
02-21-2008, 06:24 PM
Ive been playing bass in a band for a couple months now and we are having some trouble getting started. The drummer and guitarist have been friends of mine for several years and we met the singer through myspace. The guitarist does most of the writing and other ideas while I handle most of the other stuff. (IE myspace, gigs, etc) Recently the guitarist started dating our singer (who is a girl) and since theyve started dating, hes gotten very bitchy, hating every single song we come up with, all the lyrics, every riff, and all our cover ideas. She only listens to techno and asian bands, and hadnt heard of jimi hendrix, led zeppelin, metallica, or any other big band before us. Every practice she brings her homework and does that while we jam. I want to tell her to start getting serious or let us know so we can get another singer, but I dont feel like its my right to tell her this, especially since the guitarist is the band leader and going out with her. I want to confront him about this but he thinks we're making good progress.
Any suggestions on what I should do?

MaXiMuse
02-21-2008, 06:29 PM
Discuss it with the drummer, and if he is your friend then you must and can tel it him.

1The_Trooper1
02-21-2008, 06:29 PM
Ive been playing bass in a band for a couple months now and we are having some trouble getting started. The drummer and guitarist have been friends of mine for several years and we met the singer through myspace. The guitarist does most of the writing and other ideas while I handle most of the other stuff. (IE myspace, gigs, etc) Recently the guitarist started dating our singer (who is a girl) and since theyve started dating, hes gotten very bitchy, hating every single song we come up with, all the lyrics, every riff, and all our cover ideas. She only listens to techno and asian bands, and hadnt heard of jimi hendrix, led zeppelin, metallica, or any other big band before us. Every practice she brings her homework and does that while we jam. I want to tell her to start getting serious or let us know so we can get another singer, but I dont feel like its my right to tell her this, especially since the guitarist is the band leader and going out with her. I want to confront him about this but he thinks we're making good progress.
Any suggestions on what I should do?

Wow... ok, it is your right to talk to both of them. She shouldn't be bringing her damn homework to practices. Tell her that she needs to get serious about being the band's singer, or else she's out. If they guitarist doesn't like that, it's his problem. You'll get nowhere if you have a lazy singer that isn't into the band.

ValoRhoads
02-21-2008, 06:30 PM
Cut and run hoss. When the singer and the guitar player start dating its a sign of the end. You may never have a say so again. And also when those two split up so will the band, let me ask you this, did the guitar player hire her?

ikky_slimy_bugs
02-21-2008, 06:30 PM
inter band relations are a big no no. ur singer is probably a terrible match for ur band. ur ****ed.

CaRveItiNbass
02-21-2008, 06:30 PM
tell that bitch to get to steppin

Ubercheemu
02-21-2008, 06:31 PM
I don't think you should have a band leader. I mean my band kind of does, but i think you should feel comfortable about it. You are as much of the band as everyone else. If the rest of the band thinks so too, discuss it with the singer. She may be dating someone else in the band, but she is a member still, and shouldn't have any royalties.

Ktool The Girth
02-21-2008, 06:39 PM
Cut and run hoss. When the singer and the guitar player start dating its a sign of the end. You may never have a say so again. And also when those two split up so will the band, let me ask you this, did the guitar player hire her?
i asked them both seperately if they wanted to start a band and they both said yes. they had never met before the first practice.

SlackerBabbath
02-22-2008, 09:47 AM
Seriously? Kiss the band goodbye.
I've been in a good few bands where a couple of the members have become intimate and it has never worked out well. It changes their personalities and alienates the rest of the band.
You can't say a damn thing to either of them because that's just gonna get construed as you having a problem with them having a relationship, he'll get protective of her, she'll get bitchy with you, yadda, yadda... you know how it's gonna go.
Then, even if you can carry on with them, what invariably happens is that everytime they have a lovers tiff, they bring it to band practice with them, and if they split up, well you're either gonna say goodbye to the singer or the guitarist because there a very few people who could carry on in a band with their ex, especialy straight after the split.

If you are going to say something though, just say that you're feeling a little out of place with the new direction the band is headed in. If he's willing to talk about it, then bring up you concerns, BUT, make it absolutely clear that you don't have a problem with them dating each other, just the knock on effect it's having on the band.
But I'd be talking to the drummer about starting a side project if I were you.

OpposingForce
02-22-2008, 11:02 AM
Just kick them out now, when they break up it will just bring down the band

Damascus
02-22-2008, 11:24 AM
Just kick them out now, when they break up it will just bring down the band

Not to state the obvious, but so will kicking them out.

Why not run with it? If they do end up splitting up and downing the band, you'll be in no worse a situation than you would've been if you kick them out now - ie, no band.

Sure, you'll have lost the time, but you might have used it well, both within the band and possibly making contingency plans for the time that they do break up and kill the band (if they do at all - they might be able to make it last, or their split might not kill the band - all the best songwriting partnerships had lots of tension, and what better tension within a band than 'We used to ****'?).

Notable bands/musical partnerships that weren't killed by changing relationships include Jefferson Airplane and Harrison/Clapton, remember.

dullsilver_mike
02-22-2008, 12:06 PM
go on take the drummer and run... well find a "side project" with him anyway. The situation will likely go south very quickly, drummers and bass players are by far more in demand than guitar players or singers so you two will have an easy time finding a side project. When this boat crashes you can make the side project your main band.

How much a relationship affects the band will depend on the maturity of the people involved. If your guitar player and singer are a couple of teenagers, I'm going to say there is absolutely no hope of them acting cool with the band while still dating: too much insecurity, too much possesiveness and idolatry,too much drama, and too many hormones.

Zycho
02-22-2008, 02:17 PM
Find a new band, when they break up it's all over.

JagStang5246
02-22-2008, 06:43 PM
I agree with the side project idea. When this stuff hits the fan, Its all going to hell. Yea, i said it...hell. Your band will be gone and you and the drummer will be left in the dust. Unless you get a side project. Talking to them about it might smooth it over, but it doesn't sound good.