So my own band kicked me out...


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SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 12:54 AM
I have a little back story here...

Me and this kid Ryan were in a band last year, but disbanded. I decide to start a new one with my friend Brian. Ryan joined, and so did drummer Brady and bassist Brent. We've been practicing since the New Year.

Tonight I get a text message from Ryan saying:

Honestly we dont see you contributing much. It feels like your holding us back. We think we should let you out of the band.

Needless to say, I was pissed, but instead of calling Ryan, I called Brian.

I asked, "Were you involved in this bulls**t!?" He explained to me that it was nothing personal and (not being in a band before,) he didn't know how to let me go. He also said that three guitarists were hard to work with, and that I don't really know how to play keys.

Of course I understood, but I was still pissed, because it was like my baby. I started it.

So I asked him, since I'm a much better business guy, if they would consider keeping me as a manager of some sort, since I have had experience booking for numerous bands, making flyers, making connections, etc. He said he'd definitely talk to the others about it.

I called Ryan next. He admitted that the text was a d*ck move on his part, and apologized for having to do it. I once again understood that it was strictly business. I told him about the managing position and he said maybe.

After all of this, I'm still pissed off. I'm cool with those guys, but I still feel it was really uncalled for that they talked about it behind my back and came outta nowhere with kicking me out. I didn't get any weird vibes or anything either. I just hung out with Ryan like two days ago.

Do you feel it'd be fair for me to at least have some working role in the band, even if it's not in the band? Or am I just being a p*ssy for not just letting it go?

jamie3000
02-23-2008, 12:57 AM
well I agree with you that thats bs.
But you should still have some role in the band since you created the band and it wouldn't be a band without you.

ibanezguitars44
02-23-2008, 12:58 AM
that is kinda lame. try magaing them for a bit and go to practices. while at practices, start playing some amazing riff you wrote. spark their interest and maybe get back in. who knows lol

garrett5
02-23-2008, 12:59 AM
You should still be part of the band.

if you were the first memember though, you shouldn't have been kicked out unless you did nothing at all for the band.

Slaytanic1993
02-23-2008, 01:00 AM
do like me, start a solo project

Tonedeth
02-23-2008, 01:00 AM
Dave Mustaine agrees.
but srsly, thats a bummer.

groll01
02-23-2008, 01:00 AM
maybe you should learn to play in "keys" and they might consider letting you re-join?

MetalMusicianAl
02-23-2008, 01:01 AM
lol same thing happened to me. i started **** my former best friend we got my best friend involved they saw they were better than me and said oh we think you'll cave under pressure and **** us over.

FreeManson15
02-23-2008, 01:04 AM
**** em, start a new band and make better music than they are.

FreeManson15
02-23-2008, 01:05 AM
maybe you should learn to play in "keys" and they might consider letting you re-join?


I think he was talking as in like keyboard keys, not like musical keys.

i may be wrong though.

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 01:56 AM
I think he was talking as in like keyboard keys, not like musical keys.

i may be wrong though.

I meant keyboard, as in piano-ish type keys.

Yeah, I talked to Brady, the drummer, and he said he definitely would love to keep me around, at least to book shows, keep in touch with connections, recording slots, operate the MySpace, etc.

Just wish me luck, and thanks for the help!

SlackerBabbath
02-23-2008, 06:52 AM
You're being a p*ssy for not letting it go. Sorry bud but it's the truth.

Just walk away from it.
Resentment is gonna keep raising it's ugly head from time to time if you try working with these guys, and if they've dumped you once as a musician, who's to say they won't do it again as the manager/promoter/business guy?

Take any songs that you have written and form a new band. Use the fact that they dumped you as motivation to put a band together that's better than them, but don't become obsessive over it.

Mr.Cuddles
02-23-2008, 11:04 AM
tsk tsk tsk SD...
screw being a manager. start your own band again and baaaamn! instant rival band thats goood publicity right there.

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 11:23 AM
You're being a p*ssy for not letting it go. Sorry bud but it's the truth.

Just walk away from it.
Resentment is gonna keep raising it's ugly head from time to time if you try working with these guys, and if they've dumped you once as a musician, who's to say they won't do it again as the manager/promoter/business guy?

Take any songs that you have written and form a new band. Use the fact that they dumped you as motivation to put a band together that's better than them, but don't become obsessive over it.

Feeling like they owe me something isn't the reason I want to be a business guy for the band, but it is part of why they should let me. Kicking me out of my own band in full would be downright bullsh*t, at least without prior negotiations or something. I understand that three guitars can be too much and that I held us back, but if they don't let me do SOMETHING important in the band, nothing could be more ignorant and stubborn.

I am applying for McNally Smith College of Music for music business to learn some things here and there, so I kinda wanna practice my skills, even if it's not gonna be with the band forever.

These guys aren't just bandmates. I was friends with all of them before putting the band together. The thing is, if I just let them do whatever, sure they'll get songs together, but absolutely none of them know how to operate when it comes to contacting a venue or another band.

So considering I'm really good at business, why would they not let me do that?

And if I do that, there's no rule that says I can pursue performing more. I'm just gonna learn some more until I get into college and settle down more into the music thing, whatever that may be.

Thanks a lot for the help though.

edit: PLUS if they get big, I get a bigger cut. ;)

Raizer Sabre
02-23-2008, 11:36 AM
I understand that three guitars can be too much

iron maiden anyone? if you can harmonise with your other guitarist, it can work really well

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 12:02 PM
iron maiden anyone? if you can harmonise with your other guitarist, it can work really well

If you read my post before, I stated that we are no Iron Maiden. Plus, if two harmonize, one is stuck playing backing chords. I don't do backing chords. Ew. Haha.

Raizer Sabre
02-23-2008, 12:08 PM
sorry, i must have missed that somehow. it does suck how they kicked you, founding member of the band out though

ESte
02-23-2008, 12:11 PM
If you read my post before, I stated that we are no Iron Maiden. Plus, if two harmonize, one is stuck playing backing chords. I don't do backing chords. Ew. Haha.

Kicking you is 100% justified with that attitude. If you're the least skilled guitarist and don't want to play chords, then you really are holding the band back. I would've kicked you out if i was them at least.

EDIT: Of course, you're the founding member of the band. But that doesn't mean you don't have to contribute like the rest of the band.

sdnsausagerolls
02-23-2008, 12:21 PM
you must be a **** if your own band kicks you out

honestly though you should chincheck those mother ****ers!

sdnsausagerolls
02-23-2008, 12:24 PM
if you dont do backing chords learn chords and progressions and maybe they'll reconsider

shortyafter
02-23-2008, 01:12 PM
First of all, they should have talked to you as a group before deciding to kick you out. I think it's fine if they do a little talking behind your back, but it's not okay to make the final decision without you being there to hear their reasons and make your case.

Who is the singer? Assuming it's one of the guitarists, you could just have him drop guitar and go singer only. Then you're left with a rhythm guitar and lead guitar. But you can't be stubborn. If they want you to play rhythm/backing chords because the other guitarist is better than you, then you're going to have to play backing chords. If you think you're better than the other guy, prove it.

Or you could have the singer keep the guitar and play rhythm. Unless he's a lot better than you at guitar, then there's no reason why he shouldn't play rhythm. I don't think it's fair if he takes all the spotlight if you're able to play the solos/licks just as well. Then you and the other dude could harmonize. Or you could have 2 rhythm guitars and a lead for a bigger sound. But again, you're going to have to lose the stubbornness if they want you to play rhythm.

It all comes down to the good of the band. If they feel that the band is best with you playing rhythm, then you should play rhythm. Or you could prove that the band sounds better with you on lead. But either way, it needs to be what's best for the band, not what's best for you. Also, they should have talked to you before kicking you out. That was just immature.

SmashThings
02-23-2008, 01:41 PM
Walk away from it mate. Regardless of wether or not you're a good player you shouldn't stress about it. If they don't want you in the band then that's cool, I'm guessing there are loads of other musicians in your area. Might have been a stupid decision but don't resent them for it, you can still be friends. Anyway, peace.

Techtonic
02-23-2008, 01:46 PM
Make your own band and manage your band.Why would you help him?It is like a you started a business then the employee (you hire) kicks you out, he takes the business and now you are his employee.

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 02:14 PM
Yeah okay so Ryan asked me for the MySpace password (and yes, sounds childish, but MySpace is really helpful these days), and changed it. I'm pretty sure he's deleting it now. I called him, and he won't answer. I've texted him, messaged him on MySpace.

Also, I found a new one.

I wanna find out if the whole f**king plan is to cut me off from the band in general. The band that I put together. Yes, I wanna walk away, but most of me wants to settle this so there's no future conflict.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

ESte
02-23-2008, 02:27 PM
Yeah okay so Ryan asked me for the MySpace password (and yes, sounds childish, but MySpace is really helpful these days), and changed it. I'm pretty sure he's deleting it now. I called him, and he won't answer. I've texted him, messaged him on MySpace.

Also, I found a new one.

I wanna find out if the whole f**king plan is to cut me off from the band in general. The band that I put together. Yes, I wanna walk away, but most of me wants to settle this so there's no future conflict.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

OMG

I really hope for your sake that you have other friends, because those guys seems like some really f0cked up c0cksuckers.

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 02:49 PM
OMG

I really hope for your sake that you have other friends, because those guys seems like some really f0cked up c0cksuckers.

Haha, thanks for the response.

Brent, Brian and Brady are still cool with me and said it was strictly for the band, and they have no problem with me personally.

But Ryan, on the other hand, is letting this affect our friendship. I admire him for taking the band so seriously, but I really don't see the point of leaving me out of the loop in this.

z4twenny
02-23-2008, 03:37 PM
^ dude, you don't do backing chords? what purpose did you have in the band if you refuse to do the basics. i'm w/ the guy who said he woulda kicked you out to. if yer holding the band back then what did you expect, you refuse to do what you can do and you don't yet have the capacity to do what you want to do. so what can you do? nothing it would appear.

Leadhead3225
02-23-2008, 03:40 PM
maby u suck

SSDDPunkRocker
02-23-2008, 03:44 PM
^ dude, you don't do backing chords? what purpose did you have in the band if you refuse to do the basics. i'm w/ the guy who said he woulda kicked you out to. if yer holding the band back then what did you expect, you refuse to do what you can do and you don't yet have the capacity to do what you want to do. so what can you do? nothing it would appear.

I never expected to stay in the band after they decided I was holding them back. I was kidding about the backing chords. That was my original plan, but at practices, they'd write their s**t without even showing me or telling me the notes/keys so I could make a fit chord progression. Brian and Ryan (the guitarists) just worked as a pair, and I'd stand by on the side, yelling for their attention while they'd just ignore me. So yes, I did have somewhat of a purpose in the band, but it's apparent that they felt too busy to acknowledge me, even after they had their parts down. So I knew I was useless to them.

I'm pretty much over it now. If they decide not to work with me at all, I'll move on, because if Ryan wants to be a prick like that, there's no telling how much more drama will be created in the future.

I am kinda glad I'm not in that band anymore, because it seemed too serious and not much fun. I mean, for Christ's sakes, a strict practice schedule with no breaks? I want to be in a band focused on loving music, not basing everything on one genre, and playing in Drop C is getting really, really old.

I'm already planning on pursuing a project mostly focused on myself, but with some other friends and whatnot. Not really a band, but just making music with other friends, and see where it goes from there.

Thanks a lot for the help guys.

Zycho
02-23-2008, 04:29 PM
You're being a p*ssy for not letting it go. Sorry bud but it's the truth.

Just walk away from it.
Resentment is gonna keep raising it's ugly head from time to time if you try working with these guys, and if they've dumped you once as a musician, who's to say they won't do it again as the manager/promoter/business guy?

Take any songs that you have written and form a new band. Use the fact that they dumped you as motivation to put a band together that's better than them, but don't become obsessive over it.

+1

Stop being petty and just move on.

SlackerBabbath
02-23-2008, 05:29 PM
Yeah okay so Ryan asked me for the MySpace password (and yes, sounds childish, but MySpace is really helpful these days), and changed it. I'm pretty sure he's deleting it now. I called him, and he won't answer. I've texted him, messaged him on MySpace.

Also, I found a new one.

I wanna find out if the whole f**king plan is to cut me off from the band in general. The band that I put together. Yes, I wanna walk away, but most of me wants to settle this so there's no future conflict.

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
Ahhh, I was expecting this.
What is happening is they are continuing to be friends with you until they get passwords, contact numbers, ect from you. Then they'll probably drop you like a hot brick. Maybe a couple of them will still be mates with you but someone in that band definately wants you out of the picture altogether.
I bet they still haven't said you can definately be their business guy, right?
If you don't want future conflict, just walk away. Tell 'em straight. Just say that after thinking about it, you've decided to start another project, then leave them to it.
Honestly mate, they're just gonna p!ss you about if you hang around.

JLT73
02-24-2008, 10:51 AM
I never expected to stay in the band after they decided I was holding them back. I was kidding about the backing chords. That was my original plan, but at practices, they'd write their s**t without even showing me or telling me the notes/keys so I could make a fit chord progression. Brian and Ryan (the guitarists) just worked as a pair, and I'd stand by on the side, yelling for their attention while they'd just ignore me. So yes, I did have somewhat of a purpose in the band, but it's apparent that they felt too busy to acknowledge me, even after they had their parts down. So I knew I was useless to them.


its called using your ears. my band plays along with each other when we write new songs without having to show each other what we are playing at all.

Deezlink
02-24-2008, 06:48 PM
Yeah, you should have some kind of role in it.

That must suck to be kicked out of a band you started.

Aramis
02-25-2008, 01:29 AM
I can't really say anything that hasn't been said, but Ryan is a prick. Start playing with other musicians, have fun just playing music for a while. Music is supposed to be fun. When you aren't having fun playing music, there is something wrong.

SSDDPunkRocker
02-25-2008, 04:54 AM
I can't really say anything that hasn't been said, but Ryan is a prick. Start playing with other musicians, have fun just playing music for a while. Music is supposed to be fun. When you aren't having fun playing music, there is something wrong.

Exactly my point.

I am totally over that band. Without me, they aren't going anywhere, and the drummer has said it countless times. He's even helping me and my friend find a drummer, so he really supports my new band.

I guess it all was just another lesson on how to and not to act to people you call your friends. Thank you all who constuctively contributed!

druz15_UG
02-25-2008, 05:12 AM
dude, three words: "school of rock"

SlackerBabbath
02-25-2008, 05:56 AM
I can't really say anything that hasn't been said, but Ryan is a prick. Start playing with other musicians, have fun just playing music for a while. Music is supposed to be fun. When you aren't having fun playing music, there is something wrong.
Exactly. I couldn't have put it better myself.

SSDDPunkRocker.
You started this band as a 'musician' because you wanted to play music and enjoy yourself doing it.
Even if you could still get along with them and just run the business side of the band, it's kinda like hanging around with your ex girlfriend, doing all her shopping for her and keeping her house tidy while she's running around having lots of fun and sex with other people. It WILL hurt your feelings because this band was your baby.
Being the business manager for the band you used to be in is kinda like accepting second best and it's something that will bug you forever if you do it.
Move on, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from this experience and build yourself a new band. Maybe this time, it may be an idea to pick musicians that aren't quite as advanced as yourself. I know that sounds like a step backwards but remember, in bands, personality is more important than ability. Ability can be learned, personality however can very rarely be changed. If you get a bunch of guys who are slightly less experienced than yourself, then as long as you are sound with them and help them out, they will look up to you and respect you as a friend. As everyone in the band becomes gradualy more proficient, you will gel as a unit and pretty soon you'll have a killer band that'll be the envy of everyone else.

True story.
Years and years ago (seriously, about 20 years ago) a guitarist I knew was in a band that he and his best mate had started between them.
The singer they got however liked the music but took a dislike to the guitarist and started to take over as band leader. He then convinced the rest of the band to kick this guitarist out in favour of a mate of his. He was gutted, much like how you felt when you started this thread.
He was really depressed and asked me what he should do (as I had slightly more experience than him, I'd been gigging with my band for around 4 years, he'd played just a couple of gigs) and I told him the same as I told you, 'Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.'
After that I didn't see him for a while, probably about a year or so, and in the meantime, my own band had split and I had actualy moved to another town about 15 miles away. (nothing to do with the band split, I just fancied a change of scenery)
Then one day I was in my local pub and in he walked with this other guitarist. He told me that he'd tracked me down through a mate of mine who'd told him where I now went drinking and that he'd taken my advice and put another band together and as well as the two guitarsts, they also had a drummer and a bassist, but no vocalist. They had some songs written and all the music sorted for them, but were nowhere near gig ready, but.... they'd accepted a gig supporting the band that he used to be in which was in around 7 weeks time and he really didn't want to embarrass himself by having to cancel and would I accept a place in his new band as vocalist (I had previously been bassist and vocalist in my band) and help them out. I accepted with the provision that if we really couldn't get a reasonable set together in time, we would cancel rather than show ourselves up.
First rehearsal, we just clicked as a band, it was the first time I'd tried doing just vocals without the bass guitar but it just worked for me, and after lots of hard work over the next few weeks, we were ready.
We played the gig and blew the headlining band so far off the stage, they felt about as welcome as Ted Nugent at a vegan rally . I overheard their singer arguing with someone else saying 'I thought you said they'd be crap!' which just made it all the better. :D
We were asked back by the venue to headline our own gig (they weren't) and after another year and a half of solid gigging, we signed a recording contract.
The other band in the meantime had split because their singer had become so much of a prima-donna, non of them could get along with him anymore but non of them dared to sack him because they were all scared of him, and our guitarist actualy said to me, 'Y'know, looking back at it all now, I'm glad they kicked me out, because otherwise I'd have been stuck in a band with that prick and this band would never have happened!'
A little long winded I know, but hopefully this will serve as inspiration to you. ;)

SSDDPunkRocker
02-25-2008, 04:39 PM
Wow dude. Thanks a lot. That really is how I look at it. My new band is already getting a lot of attention, which is kinda funny because we still need a drummer. My bassist Andy told me,

"We're gonna blow those f**kers outta the water. We're gonna be gigging, recording, getting chicks, and partying all night before they write their second song. Let's do this s**t!"

And believe me, when there's a pep talk with both alcohol and women involved, nothing ups my spirits more! :liplick:

I also told Brady I'm done with them. I'm still cool with everybody, except for Ryan, and I don't care to fix that until/if he mans up.

Thanks a lot for that story though. It did inspire me. :)

JagStang5246
02-25-2008, 05:30 PM
Screw them. I'd leave if i were you. Start a new band or solo project and ****'em.

SlackerBabbath
02-26-2008, 04:45 AM
Wow dude. Thanks a lot.
Anytime bud. :cheers:



That really is how I look at it. My new band is already getting a lot of attention, which is kinda funny because we still need a drummer. My bassist Andy told me,

"We're gonna blow those f**kers outta the water. We're gonna be gigging, recording, getting chicks, and partying all night before they write their second song. Let's do this s**t!"

And believe me, when there's a pep talk with both alcohol and women involved, nothing ups my spirits more! :liplick:

I also told Brady I'm done with them. I'm still cool with everybody, except for Ryan, and I don't care to fix that until/if he mans up.

Thanks a lot for that story though. It did inspire me. :)
That's the spirit, now go and make history, and next time you see Brady, tell him Slacker says he's a cocksucker. ;)

Hoodoo Child
02-26-2008, 02:13 PM
dude, three words: "school of rock"

:haha exactly what i was thinking :p:

TechnicolorType
02-26-2008, 11:45 PM
rofl manager?
Dude quit sucking up and ditch them.. you ain't getting nothing fun out of it..
you just get a load of work to do but no fun playing shows.