Kicking a member out


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AwesomeDrummer
03-05-2008, 03:07 AM
yeah well the title kinda gives it away.

You see, my band's singer has been a fair douche lately.
And there's also the fact that he's a dodgy singer, and we (my band's bass player, drummer and i) don't think he would actually sing at a gig due to embaressment (he's extremely self-conscious) thus we have come to the conclusion that we need to remove him from the band.

Now i see threads on here everyday saying how people were kicked out of their band, it happened 'out of nowhere' and all that stuff... so basically what i'm asking/need advice on is: 'How do you kick someone out of the band, without hurting their feelings or making them extremely pissed with you'

He can't really play any instruments, allthough he's attempting to teach himself guitar, and thinks he can play piano.

Mattalac
03-05-2008, 03:27 AM
say you're splitting up and then reform or keep jamming minus the singer. so to him, the band you have is essentially broken up, but to you's it's just kicking him out.

Me and my bassist sort of did that, cept we sort of broke up the band, but me and him just kept jamming and then invited another friend later in the year. SO really we didn't have to kick anyone out, the band just split and we stayed together. But that's an idea that would be effective.

BenFoffenbock
03-05-2008, 03:46 AM
Bury him in your backyard.



Seriously though, Mattalac sounds like he's got a good thing going.

AwesomeDrummer
03-05-2008, 03:56 AM
yeah well i cant exactly do that, coz we have a myspace which we've been running for like 18 months and its impossible to do it without him knowing because all of my m8s (most of them are his too) will find out about it and go to one of our gigs and probably tell him. he'd just be angrier. thanx for the advice tho

binkythefurious
03-05-2008, 05:10 AM
Get a gig as soon as possible. He'll either prove himself to you or bomb out completely. If he does well then everybody wins, if he sucks he'll be so embarrassed he might quit before he gets fired.

SlackerBabbath
03-05-2008, 05:53 AM
There's no easy way to do it.
Mattalac's method does kinda work, but it generaly involves changing the band's name as well. (Because it's just a little too suspicious if you split up then form another band with the same name but minus a member.)
I once did the same thing and it still resulted in the guy who got left out trying to start fights over it, and let's face it, why would you do it in such a way anyway? Answer; Because you're too much of a pussy to tell it to him straight. And believe me, if you do it this way or any other underhand way, chances are, everyone else is going to find out what a bunch of pussies you were too.
The only real way of doing it is to tell him to his face, without being hurtful about his abilities. (ie, don't say 'We're kicking you because you can't sing!')
Don't send a text, don't do it over the phone (although you could ring him up and say 'We need to talk!' in order to get him somewhere were you can break the news to him) be honest with him.
Yes, he'll be upset, he may even be angry, but not as upset and angry as he would be if you did it in an underhand way, and he'll get over it quicker.
Tell him that you all (and this is important, he has to know that it's a 'band' decision, not just because one person wants him out, so you ALL have to be there when it happens) think that it's not working out between you, because his vocals 'don't suit' what you're doing. Tell him that it's going to be impossible to do the stuff you want to do because of this, NOT 'You're holding us back.'
Suggest that he puts another band together and even say that it'd be nice to do a gig together some time.
It's gonna be hard to do and it'll feel uncomfortable and it may even be ugly, (I've seen grown men cry in this situation) but if you make sure that he knows you all still want to remain mates with him (Which I'm assuming, otherwise you wouldn't be asking advise about not hurting his feelings.) and that you will all be there to help him out and support him in any future projects he puts together (short of actualy being in a band with him of course) then he should be OK.
Finaly, thank him for helping you take the band 'this far'. It's little touches like this that make all the difference.
If he still acts like a douche, say that you're sorry he sees it that way and that you'd hoped that you could do this as amicably as possible and that once he's calmed down, you'll still be there for him.
After a line like that, no one can seriously carry on holding a grudge for too long without embarrasing themselves and feeling like a heel.

binkythefurious
03-05-2008, 05:57 AM
What a speech

I almost cried

But yeah like SlackerBabbath says, its harder than breaking up with your girlfriend when she just got your name tattoed on her chest (not speaking from experience)

YHN-DF
03-05-2008, 06:01 AM
^^He speaketh teh truth. Honesty's the way, anything else is just a fool's resort :)

had to get rid of several bandmates over the years. The best time was when our ex-bassist beat us to the punch and the worst time was when our second vocalist said we'd just jammed a knife in his back, even though we were telling it to him straight, so even still things sometimes don't quite work out. It all kind of depends on people's perceptions on the whole band-situation. Maybe you could ask him where he sees his future with the band (though obviously not in such a direct way that he'll immediately get suspicious, a good way might be by asking everyone during a 'bandmeeting', that way you won't have anyone think they're getting the boot, but it's more of a necessity to figure out where everyone stands on the future).

AwesomeDrummer
03-05-2008, 06:03 AM
There's no easy way to do it.
Mattalac's method does kinda work, but it generaly involves changing the band's name as well. (Because it's just a little too suspicious if you split up then form another band with the same name but minus a member.)
I once did the same thing and it still resulted in the guy who got left out trying to start fights over it, and let's face, why do it in such a way anyway? Answer; Because you're too much of a pussy to tell it to him straight.
The only real way of doing it is to tell him to his face, without being hurtful about his abilities. (ie, don't say 'We're kicking you because you can't sing!')
Don't send a text, don't do it over the phone (although you could ring him up and say 'We need to talk!' in order to get him somewhere were you can break the news to him) be honest with him.
Yes, he'll be upset, he may even be angry, but not as upset and angry as he would be if you did it in an underhand way, and he'll get over it quicker.
Tell him that you all (and this is important, he has to know that it's a 'band' decision, not just because one person wants him out, so you ALL have to be there when it happens) think that it's not working out between you, because his vocals 'don't suit' what you're doing. Tell him that it's going to be impossible to do the stuff you want to do because of this, NOT 'You're holding us back.'
Suggest that he puts another band together and even say that it'd be nice to do a gig together some time.
It's gonna be hard to do and it'll feel uncomfortable and it may even be ugly, (I've seen grown men cry in this situation) but if you make sure that he knows you all still want to remain mates with him (Which I'm assuming, otherwise you wouldn't be asking advise about not hurting his feelings.) and that you will all be there to help him out and support him in any future projects he puts together (short of actualy being in a band with him of course) then he should be OK.
Finaly, thank him for helping you take the band 'this far'. It's little touches like this that make all the difference.
If he still acts like a douche, say that you're sorry he sees it that way and that you'd hoped that you could do this as amicably as possible and that once he's calmed down, you'll still be there for him.
After a line like that, no one can seriously carry on holding a grudge for too long without embarrasing themselves and feeling like a heel.

thank-u very much. i guess we'll just have to break it to him like that... cheers guys for your help

AwesomeDrummer
03-05-2008, 06:08 AM
the worst time was when our second vocalist said we'd just jammed a knife in his back, even though we were telling it to him straight, so even still things sometimes don't quite work out. It all kind of depends on people's perceptions on the whole band-situation.


lol. unluckily for my band... he is an extremely jealous person e.g.

he got a gf, and then it so happened that his best m8 got a gf the next day. so whenever his m8 goes on a date with her, he calls up his own gf and has one wif her on the same day. another time was when his m8 said his gf was going to his place, so our singer had to make sure he was still even wif his friend by inviting his gf to his own place = so basically wat im saying is, everything is a competition to him. and even more so unluckily for me, my bandm8s want me to be the singer who replaces him :S

SlackerBabbath
03-05-2008, 06:11 AM
thank-u very much.
You are more than welcome.

Let me just add that the reason that it's important that you remain on good terms with him is that;
a) You want to do everything in your power to avoid getting a bad rep because in this business, your reputation is VERY important. And...
b) You have no idea what this guy might become sometime with a little confidence, training and experience. Five years down the line, he might be amazing, and you don't want to be burning any bridges that allow you to work with him in the future if this happens.

lol. unluckily for my band... he is an extremely jealous person e.g.

he got a gf, and then it so happened that his best m8 got a gf the next day. so whenever his m8 goes on a date with her, he calls up his own gf and has one wif her on the same day. another time was when his m8 said his gf was going to his place, so our singer had to make sure he was still even wif his friend by inviting his gf to his own place = so basically wat im saying is, everything is a competition to him. and even more so unluckily for me, my bandm8s want me to be the singer who replaces him :S
So use that to your advantage, he should be even more enthusiastic about putting another band together to compete with you, and once he does that, he'll soon get over any emotional baggage he has left over from you kicking him.
He may even turn around to you one day and tell you it was the best thing that ever happened to him.

EDIT.
Just out of interest, once you've done the deed, could you get back to us on this thread and let us know how it went?
It'd be interesting to see how this ends.