how do you deal with hecklers?


View Full Version : how do you deal with hecklers?

03-07-2008, 02:03 PM
What are some of your techniques to deal with hecklers, id call them out and let everyone in the room know who the douche bag is. what do you guys do?

03-07-2008, 02:05 PM
if there close to the stage i hit them with my guitar... then give them a smile and a toodles

03-07-2008, 02:06 PM
I'd play my guitar and let his fellows tell him how stupid he is. It's not him you're playing to impress.

cap'n curry
03-07-2008, 02:08 PM
ignore them, just play it out and show that you can play
basically what colohue said

03-07-2008, 02:12 PM
Try not sucking and then maybe you won't have so many hecklers.

03-07-2008, 02:12 PM
find them after the show and stab them, drag the body into the toilet and search it for his wallet, have sex with it if u wish (the corpse not the wallet....hey **** it do the wallet aswell if u want) find his family and repeat the process with them

03-07-2008, 02:14 PM
I kill them with my hair.

no seriously I just ignore them, unless they are those hardcore assholes that like climb onstage and try to punch you, they get a guitar to the ribs.

03-07-2008, 02:14 PM
be really buff and take your shirt off on stage

03-07-2008, 02:16 PM
Just say something witty back. I'm sure I read a 'witty comebacks for hecklers list' here recently.

03-07-2008, 02:20 PM
Just say something witty back. I'm sure I read a 'witty comebacks for hecklers list' here recently.

Good thinking.

03-07-2008, 06:59 PM
go to youtube and type in Dave Mustaine vs. Laser, that should do it

03-08-2008, 12:38 AM
Say, "Yeah, but I'm on stage and I have a microphone... and you don't." :haha


Blind In 1 Ear
03-08-2008, 01:51 AM
melt his face with your killer licks.

03-08-2008, 02:52 AM
have water on stage to drink, and throw some on them

03-08-2008, 08:35 AM
List of heckler putdowns.

1. I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent! (always start with this as it also gives fair warning)
2. Aw. I remember my first beer too.
3. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
5. You shouldn't drink on an empty head
6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.
7. What holds your ears apart?
8. Do I come to your work & tell you how to sweep up?
9. Go and lean against the wall in the other room,... that's plastered too!
10. Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she manage to raise a dumbell like you then?
11. If I could find enough wood, I'd board your mouth up!
12. I can't believe it. A hundred million sperm...and you were the quickest?
13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
14. If brains were bricks, you'd be homeless.
15. Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool or something?
16. Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
17. With a face that ugly, you could put your nose in your ear and blow your brains out.
18. If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I would have farted.
19. I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a musician not a proctologist.
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.
21. You're ugly, your dick is short, no one likes you, shut the f**k up.
22. I've seen better faces on a clock, and even then a cuckoo came out of it.
23. You couldn't get laid in a brothel with a fistful of twenties.
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
25. Look man, I grew up in... (name an area with a bad rep near to where you're playing) I've already been through your wallet, I know where you live, now shut the f**k up.
26. Good to see you again, I see you've gone back to wearing men's clothing.
27. To a man who has just implied that you're gay: You want to know if I'm gay? Why don't you and your girlfriend bend over and see which one I f**k?
28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.
29. You'll never be half the man your mother was.
30. I got into this business because I thought it would be a bit of a fanny-magnet, but I didn't think I'd come across as big a c*nt as you.... Then say....I apologize for calling you that. I'm sure you're not a c*nt. You probably don't have the depth or capacity to give pleasure.
31. Hey, I like doing my act the way you like having sex- alone.
32. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.
33. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
34. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
36. He's so empty headed, if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
37. I honestly don't think you are a fool.... but then what's my opinion worth against thousands of others?
38. Do you know what you have in common with a sperm cell? You both have a 100 million to one chance of becoming a human being.
39. If you want to be on stage we'll switch places - you
come up here and entertain the audience, I'll go down there and act
like an asshole.

03-08-2008, 09:54 AM
Hecklers are a part of being a musician. Just play it cool and don't over react. The last thing you want is to get your bands name blacklisted as one that beats up the audience.

03-08-2008, 09:55 AM

There was a band called Headstones, and the lead singer was a really intense guy. I remember on more than one occasion, him hitting a guy with the cast-iron base of a mic stand, and another guy got the old microphone lasso bonk off the side of the head. (both looked like accidents.... of course....)


03-08-2008, 10:22 AM
Dave Grohl once brought the heckler up on the stage, gave him the price he paid for admission, and told him to **** off. brilliant.

03-08-2008, 01:13 PM
I just take **** with a good sense of humour. When what they say about you stops being an insult and becomes something you can use to make the crowd laugh they feel like a prick and shut up.

At our last gig some one said something about my jumping around on stage. So I explain that it takes alot of dedication and practice to jump like me and that it shouldn't be attempted by the untrained. I also mentioned that my instructional dvd "Jumping with rizo" was out the following thursday.

03-09-2008, 02:12 PM
Just ignore.

03-09-2008, 02:20 PM
If they're emo, call them faggots and queers. Nuff said.

03-09-2008, 02:58 PM
What would Henry Rollins do?

03-09-2008, 04:03 PM
Play something f*ck off heavy which incites a massive circle pit. Then make an example of them if they don't join in.

03-09-2008, 10:58 PM
What would Henry Rollins do?

03-17-2008, 12:56 AM
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.



03-18-2008, 03:47 AM
"oh you cut me man.. you cut me deep.. you may have even.. wait.. i think you even cut my heart.. dude you broke my heart.. oh hang on.. no shes all good.. hehe look at her tick away hehe"

03-18-2008, 04:05 AM
This works for me, because I'm built and I've got a reputation (Not so much as a musician...unfortunately), but twice I've invited a heckler on to the stage, spun him around and put a mic in his hand and told him to entertain the audience, even smack him on the back of the head to get them started. One guy just stood there like an idiot until I poured the singer's pitcher of water over the guy's head and shoved him back into the crowd. The other guy spat in my face and...Well...We're not allowed to play in that bar anymore...

03-18-2008, 04:23 AM

and play "lovin' you"