METAL!! Under the Menoa Tree. [GP/MIDI] C4C


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NovemberRain273
07-10-2008, 03:24 PM
Alright, I finally actually finished a song haha. Yea, this one's not bad, I like it overall, though to me it does seem just a bit...I dunno, like it could be tighter. But I figured hey, why not you guys' opinions and then decide :D Also, I have vocals in mind for this one.

Thanks, and crit for crit, so make sure to make yours constructive and so will I :cheers:

EDIT: Updated file up. Added a solo.

Burning_Angel
07-10-2008, 03:48 PM
Again. Everything was perfect. Until bar 71. That section just does not work. At all. Everything else in the song was smooth, and flowed perfectly.

The part at 71 one just sticks out like a sore thumb. It fit the mood, but it didnt fit the style of the song at all.

bloodshed344
07-10-2008, 04:04 PM
You can't just use a distortion guitar and call it metal. This is Folk/Death metal.



71 is awesome.

NovemberRain273
07-10-2008, 04:07 PM
^ Ummm, I called it "metal" because I wasn't really sure exactly what type of metal it was. I didn't realize even that could be wrong :confused: But thanks :D

Edit: Ohhhhhhhhhhh you're that guy! Hahahaha, I thought that comment sounded familiar :p: Touché :haha

And burning_angel, thanks for your crit as well. I dunno why it seems like there's always something out of place when I write a song these days, but I really like that part at 71. Is it really that out of place? It just seems like it would be so hard for me to omit it :p: :haha

b101
07-10-2008, 04:16 PM
I'm not even sure that part is out of place, to my ears it works fine. To be honest there's nothing I dislike about this, and that is such a rarity! I'm actually annoyed because now I sound like one of those people I despise (OMG, that's perfect, 1000/10!!!!! etc.)....grr

Anyway the thing that impresses me most about this is your use of strange chords and the way they work perfectly. The section from bar 111 on is up there with the best things I've heard on this forum, would be excellent to hear it recorded (and the Gdim in 112 is the best I've ever heard a diminished chord used). The only thing I could say really to improve it would be to get a proper solo in there somewhere - the lead guitar stuff is more riff based really, and with your obvious acoustic prowess I'm sure you could come up with something sweet and melodic.

Keep up the good work mate, very very impressed. C4C on the top one in my sig if you have time?

Burning_Angel
07-10-2008, 07:35 PM
^ Ummm, I called it "metal" because I wasn't really sure exactly what type of metal it was. I didn't realize even that could be wrong :confused: But thanks :D

Edit: Ohhhhhhhhhhh you're that guy! Hahahaha, I thought that comment sounded familiar :p: Touché :haha

And burning_angel, thanks for your crit as well. I dunno why it seems like there's always something out of place when I write a song these days, but I really like that part at 71. Is it really that out of place? It just seems like it would be so hard for me to omit it :p: :haha

I feel like the riff itself sounds out of place. The melody is fine, but compared to the rest of the song, the riff doesnt fit at all.

chrisatgrace
07-10-2008, 07:39 PM
you named it after eragon? ermm?

The Dark Wind
07-10-2008, 11:53 PM
I love it! It sounds a ton like Opeth, which is never a bad thing. The chords are cleverly used, the drumming works well, and fits with everything. Personally I think Bar 71 is perfectly fine, it's a nice transition. Bar 111, again, is a pretty awesome part. I love the way the bass contributes, it gives a nice rhythmic feeling that makes the whole section groove nicely. You might try to make that part a bit more melodic, since it focuses, methinks, a bit too much on harmony and stays like that for a while. The Drum fill at Bar 176 is awesome, and the way the band fades in at bar 211 and fades out again is a clever touch, although a bit awkward structure wise, and the harmonies could have been more appropriate. I think that this needs a better ending. Other than that, great work! (don't forget to C4C!)

NovemberRain273
07-11-2008, 02:52 AM
Thanks alot for the crits guys! :D

Ad yea chris haha, I was thinking of a name and for some reason this was the first thing I thought of. I need the third book to come out so I find out what exactly is under the menoa tree :haha Maybe then I can write some lyrics to this :p: hahaha...

EDIT: Alright, I added a short solo to it.

nexteyenate
07-11-2008, 10:28 AM
as always, excellent song. Everything flowed nicely. The acoustic parts were exceptional, especially the part that will have vocals on top of it. brilliant. The only real problem I had with it was the abrupt key change from bar 167 to bar 168. Besides that, this song was basically perfect! And I don't even like metal!

C4C?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=906799

michal23
07-11-2008, 12:33 PM
Perhaps you could have done a lot of this song in 12/8 timing rather than constantly using triplets? Just a thought.

EDIT: Don't bother re-writing it all though :p:

icronic
07-11-2008, 02:58 PM
Opeth!

I like the opening chord progression. Really haunting, stuff.

Bar 26, the Opeth kicks in, love this riff.

Bar 35, nice job on making the tempo change transparent, and I love the acoustic bit. I kind of thought it would be cool if you brought the electric guitar in to play the riff (and just the riff) the last two times it plays before the rest of the electrics kick in.

Bar 71... Don't change it. It works perfectly, it's awesome, and I love the riff there. The melody parts could use a little variation, but it's not a big deal, it's a killer riff.

The solo at 87 I didn't like so much. The first three bars are great, but it doesn't really go anywhere and there's no real phrasing to speak of. The end of the solo is plain ugly. Shred arpeggio that goes nowhere and then cuts right off. Bad. Ugly.

The Riff at 95 is okay, but it does get a little boring, maybe cut it a little shorter?

The section at 103 is great. It might benefit from the lead guitars playing something simple and subtle over top, but still I liked it.

The transition at 111 feels like I just hit a brick wall. Maybe you could bring the acoustic in a or two bar later than it comes in and just have that E5 ringing out.

The actual acoustic part at 111 is so good that I have no words to describe how good it really is. The melody you bring into it later makes an already great part even better. This is just really really good. Although the lead does seem to cut out at a weird place, I thought it could have gone on a little longer.

Not sure how I feel about the part at 168. It's cool, but it doesn't quite fit to my ears. It also kind of feels like it's dropping all the momentum that your song has built up. Although it does build it back up to some degree.

The ending section 184 and beyond is cool, but again, it feels like a fairly large departure from the rest of the song. I kind of liked it and I kind of didn't. It felt like it should have been epic, but it was missing some key piece to it as well.

Overall I really loved it. I know I had a lot of criticism for this song, but all I can say, is that to make a song that sounds this much like Opeth is like lining yourself up in front of a firing squad, and you managed to survive it with only a few nicks and bruises :)

The acoustic stuff is all really strong. Most of the electric stuff is strong as well, but not quite as strong as the acoustic stuff. There are some places that would benefit from some kind of melody.

While some stuff might be done better, I felt the only actual real negatives were the solo and the ending.

If you want to C4C my stuff is linked in my sig.