New song intro [MIDI, GP4, GP5] C4C


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Skillet_Panhead
07-17-2008, 10:04 PM
Okay, I came up with this cool little thing earlier and I'm wondering what you think. It's still in the works so things can be changed, but I'm happy with what I have so far. I'll post the rest of the song when finished but I want to know your opinions on this intro. And I'll C4C here too.

This song I sorta broke out of the box with the bass a little bit, you'll see why in my measures under 4/2 timing. Hope you enjoy.

M-String
07-18-2008, 06:52 PM
that really sounds cool, i thought it was going to get really repetitive, but it didn't, when u brought in the drums especially made it sound awesome. the little build up and BANG! awesome, and all the little triplets thrown in. This could easiely would work as a an awesome intro, or maybe bridge if you can figure it out. Amazingness man, u get a 9.5/10 for this section, i hope the rest stays that high Good Luck, oh and if ur gonna C4C, click song 4 on my sig, my only song w/o a comment :(

arcains_valor
07-19-2008, 12:10 AM
That was pretty tight. Drums could have been more...possible to play, I guess. Those sixteenth foot pedal high hat things were kind of fast. You could hit the closed high hat, but not the pedal. Rest of the drums were good though.

Time signature was a little strange but ok. It still sounded tight. 9/10, your really gonna have to get the whole song on here. lol

I'd really appreciate it if you critted Orange Martian, if it's not too much of a pain in the uranus. That'd really be tight. Thanks, and nice job!

ealtdharkon
07-21-2008, 07:59 AM
First off, cheers for the crit on my song.
I don't wanna be bumping my own thread so I'll be leaving a you a P.S. about it tagged on the end of this reply.

On to your piece...

Yay =) ...I really liked this, and so far (and do let me know when it's got a bit more than 24 bars) there's nothing wrong with it, so it's gotta be a 10/10.

That clean part in bar one is fairly close to chromatic really, an I like that, a lot.
That high F# and E in bar two = good choice of notes. It's kinda eerie, and really sets up for something serious.
The B to C# in bar three softens the piece, which adds to the tension really, as when this part repeats, it builds the suspense up, down, up down...
...and the way you've got all those notes ringing out, when bar 4 comes in, you've got a B over a D#, which was awesome 'cause that made a flat sixth in there.
(Haha, I wrote something on my (NEW, YAY!) classical yesterday, and it did the same thing - so you get double points =P)

Bar 5) This time, the higher notes give the softer feel. That G# - F# is really mellow, the next bar brings that back down again, ready to drop back to D#. I also love the way the note ringing leaves a C# hanging over the D#.

A lot of people throwing eighth notes/quavers under a clean part, would have had bar 7 looking a lot more like...

------------------3 3-----
------------2 2-------2 2
0-0-0-0------------------

...etc... and thankyou for not doing that.

I makes the piece a lot more imaginative, gives it a whole different sound, and what's more, give the bass a bit more adventure that a lot of music usually would.
It's an instrument in it's own right, not just backing, and you've summed that up fairly well.

I like the drums in bar 12... but drum 44 is pedal hi-hat, as arcains_valor pointed out.
I think you meant to use drum 42? That or you have a wierd drummer, and I apologise for assuming otherwise.

Loving how the distortion enters during the last beat of bar of bar 15, and is just massive through bar 16 - the last two notes are heavy.

Listening to bar 17 I thought... well, something else needs to happen here...
...then it did, nice choice of chords.

Then the riff that kicks in just, well... it blends in with everything else that was already there - serving only to make everything even more awesome. The plodding chug feel is very heavy, and really feels like it is leading up to something.
The 16th notes, and the triplets, are really cool too, as with drums.
And I liked the way you kept the old bass line in, letting it just chill and do it's own thing.

All in all... I want to hear more.

Do PM me or just reply here, if you finish this off, or just want an opinion on a new bit,

Rob










P.S. thanks for the crit on mine. As for "those 10/13's on the B and G strings", they weren't meant to be pleasant... that was sorta to create a GET ME OUTTA HERE atmosphere, and in a few places to create an almost drone effect... (I've always rather liked nasty black metal, and drone stuff of all types) so I'm half glad they got to you.

I had tried to cut down on them, but they're hard to get away from, for me.

But it's the ending I wanted to mention to you - it doesn't actually fade out, I just could not tab the ending. After the chorus there is the drum fill, and the big powerchord and some cymbal crashes, but what the band will be doing is... well the drummer will take a huge improvised cymbal heavy drum solo, probably with intense kick drum, and complete free time - so no real time signiture or tempo. It'll just keep on changing. And after hitting that powerchord at the end, the guitars go off on some squealing feedback... so I couldn't really tab all that =D

Skillet_Panhead
07-21-2008, 10:47 AM
But it's the ending I wanted to mention to you - it doesn't actually fade out, I just could not tab the ending. After the chorus there is the drum fill, and the big powerchord and some cymbal crashes, but what the band will be doing is... well the drummer will take a huge improvised cymbal heavy drum solo, probably with intense kick drum, and complete free time - so no real time signiture or tempo. It'll just keep on changing. And after hitting that powerchord at the end, the guitars go off on some squealing feedback... so I couldn't really tab all that =D

Ah, ok, I get it now. Thanks for summing that up :D

Btw, that 44 I had in there, I use that in all my tabs for some reason just because it sounds like a regular hi-hat in the RSE (to me anyway). But yeah, for accuracy's sake, I changed it all to 42. Cuz I definately don't have a foot that fast (and I'm the drummer). (Well... the drummer, and the guitarist, and the bassist... I don't have a band yet).

NOW... I'm still trying to find a good riff to come after all of this dark and eerieness.... BUT IT CAN'T. It's driving me insane, I keep trying and trying but everything I put after this is TOO HAPPY.

So, further explanation. What I want to do here is shoot up to 140bpm and go into sort of a Pre-verse Chorus. But every single riff I come up with (as mentioned before) sounds way to happy, and is in too much contrast to the dark nature of what's preceding it. It all started with the bass. I wanted the bass to be a seperate instrument just as it was in the intro, but it turned to happy. I took it out. Then I added some stuff on the Lead guitar... turned out too happy, I took it out. And I think it all boils down to my RHYTHM section being too happy, which is what I've been overlooking completely. So... I have these 3 sections in a seperate tab, and I'd appreciate it if you'd just take a look at it (they aren't scrapped, I'm gonna use them later in a different song, because they work together, just not for THIS song).

And then give me some suggestions on how I would be able to keep this song dark and eerie after this intro. Because frankly (and unfortnuately), I'm stumped. :confused:

Thanks everyone for your crits so far, and hopefully once I get over this road block I'll have more for you to look at.

ealtdharkon
07-21-2008, 11:20 AM
If I may be so bold, I'd like to point out a thing...
...your bass riff, and rhythm guitar part don't fit. There's "bum notes" in the bass part.
Turn off all your RSE and whatnot, to have a clear sense of the notes, not their tones, and you'll see you made a musical mistake.
I've taken the liberty of attaching a tab to this reply, and I've marked the dodgy notes with a X over them.

...having said and done that, I liked this bass riff, and the rhythm part too.
Maybe have a uh... well change the bass riff to have that guitar over it, then have a verse section of just bass and drums, with the unchanged version of the bass?

The lead part was kinda odd to me, but I liked it in bar 4. That's the best bar so far, for all tracks played at once.

...it takes me a while, but when I've finished a piece, I listen back to it in midi, and sometimes all as the piano sound, to make sure I don't have notes that clash (unless I want them to.) For me, doing this stops me from thinking THAT SOUNDS SO COOL when in fact it doesn't, RSE just sounds pretty swish.







Hmm... for darkness you'd want... slightly clashy notes, so stay away from using powerchords too often... 6ths and 3rds would be better for that.
...diminished 5ths, also... have a sort of dissonant sound, but not full on screaming dissonance. Perhaps a drone on the lead or rhythm part...

...or, another idea is this. Pick up a guitar, and play the song as it is written so far, and when you get to the end, keep on playing. Your soul should throw something out for your fingers to play. That's the greatest tool we songwriters have - not our GP5s and our RSE sounds... our instruments.

Skillet_Panhead
07-21-2008, 11:32 AM
or, another idea is this. Pick up a guitar, and play the song as it is written so far, and when you get to the end, keep on playing. Your soul should throw something out for your fingers to play. That's the greatest tool we songwriters have - not our GP5s and our RSE sounds... our instruments.

Haha, I'd do that but my guitar's kinda in pieces at the moment because I'm prepping it for a new paint job. Just my luck, huh? :P

But thanks again for the honesty. I'll take a look at that right away. Thanks :D


EDIT:

I FINALLY GOT IT!!!! Okay, so that eeriness is somewhat of an album intro, I've decided. Then it cuts into a completely different song, which allows me to change the direction how I see fit. It's still not going happy, but it's not going in the same direction as it was before. It's a little less progressive so far, I guess.. no funky time sig's. But it's cool. And I think the bass really stands out here. It is a pretty bass driven song, at least the intro anyway. That Eb-Minor chord at the end is a little break before the verse, which is what I will work on next, but the intro is DONE... minus the drums. I have yet to add drums.

But anyway, let me know what you think of the new riffs. I'm happy with them at least. :cool:

ealtdharkon
07-28-2008, 12:27 PM
Ooh, well, you already have my thoughts on the first half of this...
...but I'll say again how much I like the triplets idea in bar 20. I like it lots.

Okay so, the new bit... took too long to get there, really. That long fadeout on that high D# just bored me. Personally, I'd have the tempo change to 180bpm in bar 25, and the drum fill in bar 26, and then the new riff would start at bar 27, instead of bar 29.

I did like the drum roll though. Did you write this with the RSE on? 'Cause if that's on, it sounds okay having that long(ish) wait before the intro explosion. But better with less wait, in my opinion.

Heh, I like the 12/10 on the g/b string idea... that's kinda cool. You should send cake to whoever you stole that from =P
(Actually, I was taught that idea some time ago by a friend of mine, so it was never mine to steal.)
I like the rhythm you used there, too. A lot, and the second half of bar 20 was really interesting.

Personally I'd have had some variation in that riff the second time around, and how come the rhythm guitar is still a clean one? Struck me as an odd choice, but I do rather dig it.

And I really dug the bass interlude. Very prog-sounding riff, but not too technical wanking LOOK AT MEEE prog.

To stop that riff dragging though, may I suggest only having the LEAD guitar come in in bar 41, and having the rhythm come along for the party in bar 45.

From then on, it's all gravy mate, I liked it. Taking it up an octave kicked arse, and ending on a biiig powerchord was cool.
Last suggestion, for the lead track... in bar 53 you only use the bottom three string. Play the higher three, but open. Much bigger chord, and may work well, depending on where you take this piece.

This does look like it's shaping up to be something pretty impressive, but honesty makes my say that it is still kinda rough around the edges.


Any changes, or new sections, feel free to drop a PM,

Rob