Screamo/Hardcore


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Friendly Stoat
09-01-2008, 04:08 PM
Here's a finished version of a song that I posted the beginning of, a few days ago. I've put in roughly what I intend to do with vocals etc. Can anyone give me some opinions and maybe possible improvements?

I'll do C4C if anyone wants.
Thanks in advance!

Jarusafes
09-01-2008, 05:44 PM
Sounds great. I'd definitely buy it if you recorded it with real instruments haha. I really loved the intro riff. You did a great job with the drums too. The only bad thing I could say about it is no singer. But thats not your fault lol. :D so anyway, C4C?

Friendly Stoat
09-01-2008, 05:47 PM
Thanks mate :) I'm thinking about recording it and having a go at some vocals - if I learn to program decent sounding drums as well lol. i'll crit yours :)

TeraBite
09-01-2008, 07:57 PM
[return crit from paroxysm dreams]

that's pretty damn good

only things that i'm not keen on are the triplet bass drum in the clean bit, maybe have a much slower variable rhythm?

also, the b2's in the angry bit, but that's cos i don't particularly like screamo, they fit in well though.

i enjoyed this, but prob cos it's without the screaming

7/10

Its_Rock77
09-01-2008, 08:24 PM
pretty cool, although most of your riffs seem a bit cliche. unfortunately, most songs sound this way to me. :shrug: even my own. :p:
but it was well put together. may I ask why the rhythm guitar is playing most of the leads?

Friendly Stoat
09-02-2008, 06:15 AM
[return crit from paroxysm dreams]

that's pretty damn good

only things that i'm not keen on are the triplet bass drum in the clean bit, maybe have a much slower variable rhythm?

also, the b2's in the angry bit, but that's cos i don't particularly like screamo, they fit in well though.

i enjoyed this, but prob cos it's without the screaming

7/10

Yeah I see what you mean about the triplets, I didn't really notice cos I can barely hear the bass drum on my computer :p: cheers for the crit.

pretty cool, although most of your riffs seem a bit cliche. unfortunately, most songs sound this way to me. even my own.
but it was well put together. may I ask why the rhythm guitar is playing most of the leads?

Truthful answer? I'm an idiot and didn't concentrate when naming each track :)

Thanks for the crit - I'm like that with a lot of songs, I've scrapped quite a few good ones purely cos I always think I've heard them before! Happily I didn't with this one. Thanks man :)

Its_Rock77
09-02-2008, 08:32 AM
dude, second time through it sounded a lot better. There should have been a lot more positive feedback in my last crit. :cheers:

Friendly Stoat
09-02-2008, 08:40 AM
:) thanks mate.

ShredderA7X
09-02-2008, 10:50 AM
I bloody loved it. seriously. Immense.

I would like the song alot with a non screaming voice. I dont like screamo but I enjoyed this.

Well done :)

Friendly Stoat
09-02-2008, 11:18 AM
I bloody loved it. seriously. Immense.

I would like the song alot with a non screaming voice. I dont like screamo but I enjoyed this.

Well done :)

Thanks mate :) I wanna do screaming in it a) because I love that kind of music, and b) it just seems right in my head, the way I'm imagining the finished version :) Cheers for the comments :)

Skillet_Panhead
09-02-2008, 07:05 PM
Ooookay. First off, thanks for the crit :D

Now. My opinion is that this song is GREAT! I'm personally not a big fan of screamo, and by screamo I mean guys just screaming their lungs out because they can (ex. underoath). But I DO like the sort of metalley screaming/growling that doesn't sound like they're screaming just cuz they can (ex. As I Lay Dying). So that being said, the screaming... is it going to be Underoath-style, or AILD-style?

Aside from that, I see no fault in the song itself. I started to wonder why the Rhythm track was playing most of the leads too, but it didn't bother me. One thing I thought was cool, was that you were always on the 1st fret for breakdowns, as opposed to open strings. That was a pretty cool touch because open string breakdowns are usually what you hear when you hear breakdowns. Not that they're bad, but I think that 1st-fret thing was a little out of the box. Nice touch.

Great song, and thanks again for the crit :D

btw, I liked the triplet drums in the clean part. It gave it a sorta uneasy feeling, with it being clean and all. Like the clean is nice and calm, but you have the drums back there chugging away, screaming "GET ME OUT!". Nice touch, keep it ;)

Friendly Stoat
09-03-2008, 11:33 AM
Ooookay. First off, thanks for the crit :D

Now. My opinion is that this song is GREAT! I'm personally not a big fan of screamo, and by screamo I mean guys just screaming their lungs out because they can (ex. underoath). But I DO like the sort of metalley screaming/growling that doesn't sound like they're screaming just cuz they can (ex. As I Lay Dying). So that being said, the screaming... is it going to be Underoath-style, or AILD-style?

Aside from that, I see no fault in the song itself. I started to wonder why the Rhythm track was playing most of the leads too, but it didn't bother me. One thing I thought was cool, was that you were always on the 1st fret for breakdowns, as opposed to open strings. That was a pretty cool touch because open string breakdowns are usually what you hear when you hear breakdowns. Not that they're bad, but I think that 1st-fret thing was a little out of the box. Nice touch.

Great song, and thanks again for the crit :D

btw, I liked the triplet drums in the clean part. It gave it a sorta uneasy feeling, with it being clean and all. Like the clean is nice and calm, but you have the drums back there chugging away, screaming "GET ME OUT!". Nice touch, keep it ;)

:D Thanks! I like both types of screamo that you mentioned, I know exactly what you mean. I think it's gonna be more Underoath style for the intro, but in the heavy bits more AILD-style, because it sounds far more aggressive IMO. And yeah, I wasn't sure whether to keep the triplet drums or not because I thought the same as you :p: Cheers for the crit!

Slaytanic1993
09-04-2008, 04:21 PM
You'd be surprised that I actually do listen to stuff like this, wouldn't you :p:?

I really liked it, very melodic kickass intro. The chorus and prechorus were two of my favorite parts. The only really criticism I have is make the breakdown a bit more than just the usual triplets and dissonant chording.

The ending was a bit of a dissapointment as well, but all in all the song was very cool. 8.9/10. If it wasn't for that outro...

Friendly Stoat
09-04-2008, 04:27 PM
You'd be surprised that I actually do listen to stuff like this, wouldn't you :p:?

I really liked it, very melodic kickass intro. The chorus and prechorus were two of my favorite parts. The only really criticism I have is make the breakdown a bit more than just the usual triplets and dissonant chording.

The ending was a bit of a dissapointment as well, but all in all the song was very cool. 8.9/10. If it wasn't for that outro...

Haha, it does surprise me I have to admit :p: I have been thinking the same about the outro, I might put a chorus at the end with just clean guitars and vocals... You reckon that'd be better?

Slaytanic1993
09-04-2008, 04:28 PM
That might be pretty cool, but don't make it too overdramatic. And, make sure it transitions well enough.

Friendly Stoat
09-04-2008, 04:29 PM
That might be pretty cool, but don't make it too overdramatic. And, make sure it transitions well enough.

That's pretty much what I've been struggling with :p:

Cheers for the crit!

billybusa
09-04-2008, 04:45 PM
thanks for the crit ;)

this is very nice, I like it alot
I love it when the rythm guitar comes in at bar 10 and the drums are excellent too throughout the entire song.
Not much of a fan of the double bass in the clean part but might work when recorded.
Flows on pretty nicely from there and the riff starting at bar 74 is definatly my favourite in this song but the "very angry part" is pretty awesome too.

I just really like everything from there

avarage 9/10 it's very nice (Y)

Friendly Stoat
09-04-2008, 04:52 PM
:) thanks!

madhampster
09-05-2008, 03:27 PM
Thanks for the Crit!!!

I'll go over this while i'm listening.
I love the intro riff, it's very catchy. I also like the chorus lead riff. I love the clean part that starts at measure 34, it's probably my favorite part. "Screamy verse" I love. I like the little arppegio type thing the rythem plays. The breakdown is pretty badass. Overall I liked it alot. I couldn't tell which guitar was lead sometimes lol. But that's ok it doesn't matter. The only thing I could find that I didn't particularly like was; I thought the intro riff was used a little too often. It doesn't hurt the song any though. I still think it was awesome. 8/10

Friendly Stoat
09-05-2008, 03:30 PM
Thanks dude :)

bakshandloomis
09-05-2008, 08:42 PM
Thanks for the crit!
Starts out awesome. The double kick at bar 34 bugged me to no end. I liked the part starting at 106, but I don't think you should use 2nds, but I almost always hate the use of 2nds. I think the song kind of starting falling apart at bar 122. 122 though the end was alright, but with everything else in the song being much better (IMO, of course) it made the end seem weak.
Overall, I really enjoyed the song, 8/10.

Friendly Stoat
09-06-2008, 06:28 AM
Thanks for the crit mate. I'm definetly gonna add something to the end, I'm trying to make a clean chorus work at the moment. I'm also debating whether to keep the double kick in the clean bit - I kinda like it but a few people have mentioned it.

Cheers!

JWD32792
09-10-2008, 03:19 PM
Please record this, it sounds sooo sick

Friendly Stoat
09-10-2008, 05:21 PM
Please record this, it sounds sooo sick

Thanks dude :) I'm going to once I've got better recording stuff :D

JWD32792
09-13-2008, 08:46 PM
Be sure to shoot me a PM when its up dude, i'm psyched

EDIT: I checked out your Death/Metalcore song too, you friggin rock dude!

Camm
09-13-2008, 09:39 PM
I don't really want to write another crit because I just spent 10 minutes on another song but I would just say you should have tuned to Db so you could have had an open Db chord breakdown. It would have made some of the fingerings a lot easier.

That's all I really have to say. It's a pretty good song but I've heard it tons of times before.

Friendly Stoat
09-14-2008, 06:49 AM
I don't really want to write another crit because I just spent 10 minutes on another song but I would just say you should have tuned to Db so you could have had an open Db chord breakdown. It would have made some of the fingerings a lot easier.

That's all I really have to say. It's a pretty good song but I've heard it tons of times before.

I thought about that as well, I'll probs end up doing that.

JWD32792, thanks man :)

Mackz23
09-23-2008, 04:47 PM
Hey I like the song very much! It has a great style man!

And I don't know if it was ment to but i noticed a cowbell at the end of the song in the drums =P

Friendly Stoat
09-23-2008, 04:59 PM
Thanks man. and I didn't spot that cowbell in there, that wasn't meant to happen :p:

recklessnick
09-24-2008, 12:27 AM
sounds good. not sure about the rhythm guitar strumming in the front though. sounds kinda choppy and annoying. but i love the lead guitar riff.

critique mine if you have the time.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=16408822#post16408822

Friendly Stoat
09-24-2008, 11:41 AM
I know what you mean about the rhythm guitar, I've kinda noticed that recently. Oh well. Cheers for the crit, I'll do yours soon.

Thomasoman
09-24-2008, 01:25 PM
I've listened to this song quite a few times now. Basically I agree with all that's been said. I initially thought this song wasn't that great and was getting way too good of feedback for what it was, but I've spotted potential in it and I've just been trying to accept this, because honestly I love this genre, however, I think most of my issues with it are in the MIDI. I believe this song would sound fantastic played with actual instruments.


Oh, and the 'Verse - Clean singing' part, bars 34-41, just trash that drum part. If I were you I'd do a basic 4/4 quarter note beat, kick, snare, kick snare, with little embellishments thrown in. short rolls, ect. Thats just how I'd do it, though. Get creative in there, it's a section that has alot of potential for close attention to detail in the drum or even bass track.

But good job, really. It took me a while to get into but I can appreciate what you're doing with it.

I'm not expecting a crit back, but if you want to check out my latest, that'd be cool. Cheers, heres the link: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=964561

FlyingPooooo
10-14-2008, 11:43 PM
Thanks for the crit like a month ago. Sorry its taken me sooo long to get back to you...


Man I loveee this song. This is seriously just down my alley. I actually had melodies and all in my head for vocals. I would love to play this song. Great job on it man. Everything fits in nice together. The breakdowns discordants chords were one of my favs. May I suggest constant double bass from 114 to 121? Otherwise this is a greatttt song. Try to break out of the three 16th notes though. That gets a bit generic towards the end.
9/10

Crit?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=974448

huevos
10-26-2008, 02:13 AM
I dub this post-hardcore metal.

I love it. Those licks at the end (I think it started at 142) caught me off guard.

This is some excellent screamo in the vain of Circle Takes the Square meets Saosin and some good ol' thrash/metalcore.

The drum work is powerful throughout and just kills.
It's a pretty catchy song as well.
I'm a little conflicted with the ending. It seems a little abrupt, but if you drag on, it might make the song bloated.
Nevermind, it ends on a good note. Listened through for like the 3rd time.

I say 9/10. Something is missing. I can't tell what it is.

Jonathan Trejo
10-26-2008, 03:31 PM
This is amazing. Clean part is my favorite :) Chorus is craazzy. 124 is killer!. Great Job

No cons :P Very solid :D

valdean
10-26-2008, 06:21 PM
I'm not really into this kind of music, but I can tell, that if I was, I would enjoy this.
I think you mixed up lead and rythm parts sometimes, but that's not important.

It might get a bit repetive, but good, none the less.

Crit mine if you please: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=986609

Broadsword
10-26-2008, 07:04 PM
Pretty good. It's already been pointed out, but the triplet bass drums don't do well at all over the clean section. But regardless of that, the contrast between that and the slow beat over the rhythm is too much, it's somewhat anticlimactic and doesn't flow very well. I'd suggest a transition of some sort, scrap the double bass over the clean part in general, or add a more powerful drum section to the rhythm part. The first part of the breakdown was kind of boring, but the rest was good.

Other than that, cool stuff.

This time I will ask you to crit mine :p: :
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=986578

Slicer666
10-27-2008, 11:05 AM
awesome man. Just awesome.

I read the first couple of reviews before listening to it, and I'd say keep the drum, it's an sort of unexpected turn, but it sounds awesome. The little arpeggiated bits are really cool, and the ending lick somewhat caught me off guard, it could've been a wee bit longer, but it's cool this way :) overall I'd say an 8/10 up to a 8.7/10, maybe higher once I listened to it abit more often.


oh, btw would you mind if I print out the tab, cuz I think I can use at least some sections for warming up :P

Friendly Stoat
10-27-2008, 12:45 PM
Go for it as long as you don't steal any :p:

Graveworm
11-04-2008, 07:20 PM
First off, I'm not a big fan of screamo but I did like your piece. I thought that the intro was great and very catchy. 'The angry bit wasn't my favorite part but it was ok with the song. I think that they solo part was kinda bland and needs more creative work into it. Overall, I thought that it was great song for the screamo genre, great job.

DontStealMusic
11-09-2008, 03:51 PM
It doesnt let me see the file. :(
My guitar pro might not be working.

Friendly Stoat
11-09-2008, 05:27 PM
That's a bit wierd. Tried both the gp4 and 5 files?

Thanks for all the crits btw.

169290
11-20-2008, 03:18 PM
personally not my thing its 2 happy :p but its gd some bits need a bit of work but the majority is gd!

midgar777
11-28-2008, 08:45 AM
Hey man! I'm new here but I had a listen.

Thats a really cool song you got there :) My only suggestion (lol) would be in bars 26-33 when the lead riff is repeated I'd love a bit of semi solo tabbing in there.. perhaps for mid way thru bar 27 the riff had a bit of a fiddly solo fill..?

I know what i mean but I feel i haven't explained it very well!

Either way... Loving the song great job man!

lukephillips000
11-28-2008, 11:18 AM
I'm just going to be honest and say that I didn't like it. I pretty much thought that the chords were boring and the leads were predictable. There were a couple of bits I did like, i'm a fan of the triplet drumming that has been discussed so much in this thread.

However, all the other replies in this thread make me feel like i'm missing out on something, because everyone else seems to be a fan. Maybe it just went over my head.

Either way, I may not like it, but if you like it and lots of others are giving it praise then you are obviously doing something right, keep going man :cheers: