Angry Orifice- Progressive Whatever Metal [gp5/gp4/midi]


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onebetter
09-02-2008, 01:01 PM
This is my new song. I've been working on this thing for about a month and I'm very happy with the results. It jumps all over the place in style, from jazz to death metal to thrash to ska etc. Influences, as usual, are btbam, protest the hero and opeth.

I tried to solve the "riff salad" syndrome that usually occurs by revisiting some riffs, but its still has a very nonlinear structure. Crit for crit and whatnot. Cheers.

TMA-2
09-02-2008, 02:00 PM
well, first of all, it had almost the exact same effect on me as most of between the buried and me's songs do. that is to say, the total feels less than the sum of its parts. for most of the riffs i thought, "oh right, this is something [band name] would do, i recognize that," and at the end i think "that's a lot of notes." i was absolutely enthralled with it for the first 40 measures or so, not to mention the whole ending part and various places therein, and actually lol'd at the great slap bass (also lol'd at the dist bass/charang at m74).

i heard a lot of talent in many places, e.g. the bass writing during the slower parts (albeit it pretty much exclusively followed the guitar during the heavy riffs, but that's kinda the standard in metal anyway), the spectacular leads, intelligent rhythms/use of time signatures (e.g. m106-107, m171-174, very necrophagist-y), etc. what counteracted all those is the lack of an overall focal point, although the ending was definitely catchy. it would be cool to hear that same thing hinted at earlier in the song to kind of have something to build towards.

the drums are really mature, and judging from all the kick flams i take it mike portnoy was a bit of an influence for them. i felt the half-time drum changes were a little overused just to extend a riff's mileage. definitely didn't dig the breakdown at m70, as it felt it was there just to be there (like a lot of breakdowns actually). speaking of breakdowns, the ones at m123/m230 reminded me a lot of brian posehn's song "metal by numbers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chiVMrWMHko)." i actually heard "BREAK DOWN!!" in my head when that riff came in.

i don't mean to sound overly negative, as there's a lot i like in it. my songwriting has a lot of the same flaws, really. there's just too much that felt kind of like tongue-in-cheek references to different bands (btbam, slayer, dream theater, various diminished-scale-loving tech death bands). i don't like quantifying subjective things with scores, so i'm gonna say it had a lot of potential bogged down by derivative riffs. still, i thought all the transitions were smooth.

Ailes
09-02-2008, 02:25 PM
Alright, this may be one for me (maybe rumpelstilzkin-syndrome, but I always have to download the songs if someone mentions Btbam or PtH in the OP).

Avoiding riff salad syndrome by revisiting some riffs is also something I say frequently to those songs, maybe my reviews sound like copypaste, oh well.

Now onto the song, as a general impression: You DO bring in several styles. The "Jazz" is debatable (it always is), insofar as that the intro for example feels rather like disco-funk to me (though the nice pentatonic solo flowed nicely along the chord changes, the strategically placed F# note touches upon some fusionesque area. Personally I'd wish the intro would be less "busy", as it is a good idea in general, but can't quite groove at this tempo (I understand though you probably had this to make a seamless transition the first PtHesque distorted part), and boy are those next 20+ bars ever much like PtH. Kudos for that, although the rhythm guitar could play something more chordal under the higher lead lines ? Or maybe it's just that its mixed so quiet (why is that ?) for me to discern. Next 40 bars belong to Btbam tech thrash riffs, also nicely done. A bit more drudging than the rather melodic first riffs, but hey, I guess vocals will sort that out. Bar 88 and we're firmly back in PtH territory, almost too deep for my liking, as I've heard variations of that riff in their original songs (but then again, multiple original songs, so they also have no problem copying themselves). Not too fond of riff 96, doesn't add much to the song harmonically or rhythmically, too much a Btbam throwaway. The forward drive of riff 106 is more to my liking, though I could do without the 9/8 in the next bar. Riff 109 is a good idea, just the later harmonizations don't quite click with me. Nothing bad to say about the next 80 bars, it's Btbam time again. Will surely punch great with vocals, just in GP alone such passages can get rather tiring (cue me and my old refrain 'how about something melodic by now?'). Intermission in bar 189 was easily my favorite part, just for the ingenuity and cool execution. Makes me seriously smile, sounds like Super Mario or other oldschool VG music. It surely has to do with the release of Btbam's 'Colors', since then more and more people put such quirky/odd stuff in their progcore. Most of the time it fails, because it's harmonically underdeveloped or transitionally totally disconnected from the rest of the piece, but in your case it works great. In the section from bar 205 I'd opt for a slightly more advanced rhythm, don't get me wrong, the block chord strumming does a great job driving it forward, but some slight countryish rhythm guitar licks in between would help tie lead&rhythm better together. I suppose bar 214 ff is placeholder for a nice mellow solo, in that case I'd love to hear it soon (cue to the Btbam playbook, mellow clean solo buildup into the epic outro lead), though I'd really eschew the rhythm strumming for now, a little more subdued arpeggios will work wonders here. Well, after that, the epic outro lead didn't follow yet at all. Next riff reoccuring is only a slight letdown, nothing wrong with the riff itself (kudos for revisiting), just the placement here, no transition, listeners expectations feel slightly robbed of some serious lead melody by now. The 'true' outro from bar 246 onwards itself was good, you had a buildup in mind there, though personally I'd push it a little bit more into 'epic' territory, (by making the beats more 'straight' marching later on, if you know what I mean), the symphonic accents were a good idea, again this could be expanded into not just stabs but some broad held notes, also the rhythm could develop into a chord progression (on top of which, a man can dream, rests a nice lead).

Anyways, great song. If I sound nitpicky, it's because I like the piece so much (I wouldn't care to comment at all if that wasn't the case). Some riffs are pure gold and it has more than serious development potential, although the technical proficienly of the song shows you know good enough what you're doing, and if you like it then that's fine and great, just do more such cool music !

PinkIsCool
09-02-2008, 02:45 PM
I loved it. I'll give a full crit a little later.

Its_Rock77
09-02-2008, 10:31 PM
Intro was awesomely delicious. transitions worked very well. a lot of your riffs seemed very "prog" and kinda predictable but that's okay. it was cool. everything flowed and sounded great. some basswork seemed a bit unlikely but it's GP you can do whatever you want. :p: There were some points where I absolutely loved the "allovertheplaceness" and other places where I absolutely hated it. I'd say the insanity could be toned down. :p: the part at measure 189 was awesome. even better at 205. the ending section was really cool. the ending itself was a bit abrupt though.

these were the things that stuck out to me. It's hard for me to zone in on problem spots with songs of this length. :shrug: but anyways, this was a great effort. diversity kept is very interesting and you had some really good riffs in there. good work. :)

bloodshed344
09-03-2008, 10:27 PM
Great great song, actually reminds me of my own style some. You did everything extremely well, and while some parts are kinda bland or whatever, vocals usually make those parts some of the best in the song. Also, hard panning (all the way to 8) is a bad decision. Anyway, here's the crit:

First five measures were awesome, (careful to use this word) jazzy goodness, love it.

Lovin measure 6, great stuff, slap bass at 10 was great.

LOVIN solo at 14.

Somehow 17 flowed well into 18, somehow. I can definitely see your PTH influence here, maybe a little too much? I can almost picture the Iron Maiden-esque vocals going on right here.

Measure 25 was cool ;)

Nice riff at 26, it's cool, and the lead coming around here is really good, more PTH type stuff.

I didn't much like 40, but it's not bad.

The breakdown at 45 was awesome, unexpected but totally flowing right, I love stuff like this.

Cool riff at 58, however 62 is a little bit too much metalcore for me.

The breakdown at 70, well it's a breakdown, nothing special. Also, whatever you have simulating a distorted bass, isn't doing a good job of simulating a distorted bass.

I could see a little bit of BTBAM at 78, and 86 goes well into the next part.

Did the tempo change? Barely noticed, cool riff here. Kinda reminds of some Ants of the Sky/random PTH bluesy spawn.

Did the tempo change again? This riff reminds me alot of BTBAM alot.

106 is a BTBAM riff, it has to be.

Nice bass thing at 112, reminds me of Sequoia Throne.

119 is cool, real heavy, along with its evolved forms.

Changeup at 135 reminds me of BTBAM some, goes well into the next riff, which as already said I don't like much.

I think 141 is what the riff at 137 and 62 should be.

147 is another great changeup, kinda got me pumped up, and this next riff is real thrashy.

I could just see Blake hitting that ride bell at 154, and doing the double bass at this next part. Really good.

171 has to be yet another BTBAM riff.

The breakdown thing at one 178 is awesome, I'm even more pumped up than before!

I like what you did with the drums at 183.

189.... hahahaha. Wow this is great.

Oh wow... 205....

I could totally picture a great soulful guitar solo in this section, and I'm very glad there isn't one.

229-230, awesome.

I don't like 246 onward much, but it did a good job of ending the song.



Great work, if you wanna C4C check out Nonfluence.

bakshandloomis
09-04-2008, 12:17 AM
I'm critting as I listen. One of the coolest intros I've ever heard. The tapping lead is super cool. I LOVED the part starting at bar 45. I didn't like the bass at bar 74, I think it would be better with a cool guitar lead over the breakdown, though. To tell you the truth, there's really not a whole you can do to improve this song in my opinion, it's near perfect. I found my self head banging to more than one of your breakdowns while I was listening, reminded me a lot of Between the Buried and Me.
10/10

C4C?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=949908

Bloodsick
09-05-2008, 05:22 AM
This isn't a crit, but what kindof music would you call the very first part of the intro? smooth jazz? I found it to be really awesome!

HeavyMetaldude
09-05-2008, 08:33 AM
You had me headbanging at 45-56 and then again at 88-95. The tempo change at 96 really didnt fit well. I really like the acoustic change. Its brilliant.

Apart from the mentioned tempo change i cant say anything bad about this. It's brilliant.

Crit mine? http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=951539

madhampster
09-05-2008, 03:48 PM
That Song was pretty ****ing awesome. It reminded me alot of something the Human Abstract would play. I love the jazzy thing at the beginning. I really can't find anything to crit other than it was awesome. 9.9/10

Crit mine?

onebetter
09-06-2008, 12:19 PM
This isn't a crit, but what kindof music would you call the very first part of the intro? smooth jazz? I found it to be really awesome!

The first part of the intro before it picks up would be some kind of jazz I think. I'm still fairly new to writing jazz. All I know is it uses lots of Dominant 7 chords. After the tempo change at bar 6, though, it's more of a funk/fusion kind of thing, like Ailes said. People have actually told me it sounds a bit like 'Chameleon' by Herbie Hancock.

That Song was pretty ****ing awesome. It reminded me alot of something the Human Abstract would play. I love the jazzy thing at the beginning. I really can't find anything to crit other than it was awesome. 9.9/10

Crit mine?

I'd love to crit yours, but I don't know where your thread is. Post back with a link and I'll crit back no problem.

And thanks for all the crits, guys. I'll get on those return crits asap.