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thedefrockednun 05-24-2009 10:29 AM

The ONLY Relationship Thread
 
Hey, welcome to the new Relationship Thread, we shall begin with the FAQ:



The FAQ (meaning Frequently Asked Questions), is here to help you with all of your relationship problems.

If you have an embarrassing or an important questio that needs a quick response, PM any of these regular Users:

thedefrockednun, Freezer Burn, VŚd Hamster, rigiddigits, thanksgiving, domino92, SomeoneYouKnew, rtbsmgsmf, The Spoon, Seryaph, SomeEvilDude,,lordofthefood1 u.n.t.a.m.e.d.,,InsantKarma94,,InTheFlesh!, MrGuitarGuy01,hawttieblonde69, and Another bassist., purplegreendave, thrace (If you believe to belong to that list, PM me and I'll add you).

Any of these users will give you good and accurate advice.


The FAQ is composed of questions that have been asked on regular basis on previous Relationship Threads.

The answers to these questions reflect MY opinion, to some of you, these answers may not seem right, if you disagree with any of them, let me know.


First of, I must say, KEY to any successful ladies man/relationship is composed of 2 things:

- Confidence - You need it to "get the ladies"

- Communication - You need it to "keep the ladies"


FAQ, PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING


[CENTER]What is The Relationship Thread?

The Relationship Thread (RT), is a thread in which you can ask for advice about your relationship, we have quite a few regulars who have a lot of experience, they will be more than happy to answer your questions and to help you out.

The RT however, is not here to help you through your troubles ďstep by stepĒ, we will help you out but that is all that we can do, we cannot take your place and do everything for you.


So there's this girl i like, what do I do?

First off, DO NOT TELL HER YOU LIKE HER.

Hang out with her and SHOW her that you are interested, do not SAY it, Actions are stronger than Words, Get to know her a bit and flirt with her, ask her out on a date and hope for the best.


I like a girl who has a boyfriend, she says she wants to date me but doen't want to break up with her boyfriend

This is a typical lie, the girl is leading you on, if she wanted to date you, she would, basically what she is saying is: ďYou're not half bad, I want you to stay around as a backup in case I break up with my boyfriendĒ.

Again, pay attention to what she DOES and not to what she SAYS.


I like a friend of mine but I'm scared to jeopardize our friendship by asking her out

One of my friends asked me out and when i said no, it was to akward to be around her. We just weren't the same. We got over it eventually but it still a bit akward to be around her.
just go for it!!!!and if she/he doesn't like you back, at least you tried, and you can then move on and act like you never asked him/her out.....tell them that you just wanted to tell them what you really felt, and you just thought it would be best if they just knew, you very little to lose.


Asking A Girl Out

There are 2 approaches, it really depends on you:

1) Ask Directly, "do you want to go out some time?", "would you like to have dinner with me?", you know what I mean.

2) Don't ask her on a "date" at all. Have some fun activity planned for yourself, whatever YOU like to do for fun and casually invite her along much like you'd invite a regular (male) friend, for example: "I'm going to X tomorrow, wanna join me?".


How to Know When a Girl/Guy Likes You


- Keep an eye on how many times you catch her/him staring at you.
- Take notice of whether s/he smiles at you a lot..
- Pay attention to any significant changes in her/his behavior when you're around.
- Start showing her/him a bit more interest and see how they respond.
- Look for certain signs, teasing, shyness, see if she fiddles with her hair and rearranges her clothes etc...


Me and my girlfriend just had our first fight, I don't know what to do

A couple that never fights would scare me, the beauty about life is that everyone is different and unique, if everybody is different, it is absolutely normal that there will be fights, get over it, apologize (if it was your fault), forgive and forget.


My ex and I are still (trying to be) friends but things aren't going too well, help?

Some very wise words by rtbsmgsmf: ďIn my opinion, if you're friends before you date, you're friends afterwards, and if you aren't {...} you aren't...Ē.
That is all I have to say, if a relationship goes wrong it is very hard to remain good friends, that's the sad truth.


My Girlfriend's parents don't like me, what do I do?


With the mum: The mother needs to know that her daughter is in "safe hands", show her that you are sensible and responsible, an important bond with the mum has it's advantages.

With the dad: The "typical, stereotype" father wants to see a certain resemblance between you and himself, dads need to know that you will treat their daughter like they would in your place, show that you are an intelligent (young) man who will take good care of his girlfriend, the truth is that people mostly have trouble with the mother, however, if you have problems with the father, it can be really hard to overcome them.


I've lost interest in my relationship/I don't like my girlfriend anymore, what to do?

Break up with her, it isn't fair to date a girl who you are no longer interested in, moreover, if the feelings aren't mutual, the relationship will eventually end (and that isn't all to pleasant).


My girl/boyfriend is jealous all the time, what to do?

Since you're asking, it means you find your partner's jealousy exasperating or annoying.
Now, JEALOUSY IN ITSELF can actually be very benefical to a relationship,
MISTRUST however, is destructive.
Jealousy always means that your partner loves/cares about you, maybe he/she:

1. fears losing you
2. feels a lack of affection from you
( is missing what you give others )
3. is possessive ( "(s)he is mine only!")
4. feels you're breaking the rules (explicit or implicit) of your partnership

Jealousy is to be tackled with communication.


How do I get over my ex-girlfriend?

This is indeed quite hard, I suggest you cut contact, being around her and being friends with her won't help. I you always see her around, it will be very hard to get over her, the best ďcure for this painĒ is to cut contact (at least until you are over her) and to go out with friends and to meet other women, doing other stuff and meeting new people definitely gets your ex off your mind.


What's the friendzone?

The friendzone is when guys and girls are JUST friends and nothing more. It happens if you are to sensitive and nice to a girl and she don't see you as a potential boyfriend.
If you are friendzoned (FZ'ed), you will be the shoulder on which the girl cries on when she is sad, you will be the guy who the girl will complain about her boyfriend to.

You don't want to be in the friend zone if you are looking for a relationship because once you're in it, you're stuck there 99.9% of the time, unless you try Vad Hamster's technique (it worked for me :D).


So how do I avoid the friendzone?

Don't be a wimp, be confident and don't be ďover emotionalĒ all the time, girls like guys with confidence, guys who know what they want, do not hang out with a girl you are interested in too much, be flirtatious and show that you are interested.
NOTE: When I say confident, I mean it, however you have to be yourself because if you act like someone you are not, the girl will realize and the consequences won't be pretty.


My (best) friend is dating/dated this girl and I like her. Help?

First of all, If they are dating, do not interfere, messing up other people's relationship is not cool.

However, if they aren't currently dating, you have to keep something in mind: ďBros before HoesĒ.
You HAVE to talk to him and ask him if he is okay with it, if you value your friendship, you should accept his decision.

Same goes for dating a friend's sister, you always have to ask him if he is okay with it.

If you have any other FAQ to add or you disagree with what I have said, let me know and I might make some changes.

If you want to add anything, I will reserve space, all you have to do is to send me a PM with the things I should add.


I would like to thank all of you for contributing to this thread.

*****Updates*****



- The post below this one has two new guides.

- The FAQ has been update and is completer than ever!

- Patsox' great FAQ about body language is up!!!

thedefrockednun 05-24-2009 10:30 AM

My guide on ďwhere to go on a dateĒ:


The Best Options Are Highlighted:

Where To Go On A Date:

1) The Movies, this is the most common place to go but it's one of the worst because it involves very little talking and interactions, I don't recommend it as a place to go on your first date

2) Go for a walk with your girlfriend/boyfriend, and get to know each other better (and do other stuff )

3) Go to the beach.

4) Go to a Restaurant or a cafe you can talk for a long time and enjoy a good meal.

5) Bowling, this is probably one of the best places to go, you can talk your "companion" and you have fun bowling.

6) A Picnic, this may sound stupid but if you do it right you could end up having a great time

7) Go to an Amusement park, the circus, the zoo

8) Biking is good as well

9) Music Shows, whether in a real concert or in a pub/bar/cafe you could go see some nice gigs.

10) Invite her/him to your place, watch a movie together, listen to music, play a song for them, show them your music (if you write any)

11) Some other Ideas: Sailing (or any other boat), going for a drive around town, mountain climbing, hiking through nature, horseback riding (kind of rare).

I hope I helped some of you out.


12) A special suggestion made by MrGuitarGuy01: Laser Quest.


WIKI - HOW

Now, there is a site, some of you may know it, it's called www.wikihow.com

It has quite a few good ideas and articles and I've picked out the ones that fit into this category:

For The Guys:

Here are the links:

How to Know if a Girl Likes You

How to Ask a Girl Out

How to Flirt



For The Girls:

How to Know if a Guy Likes You

How to Get a Guy to Notice You


For All Of You:

How to Have a Great Conversation

How to Get Over a Break Up

How to Kiss

How to French Kiss


These articles are very helpful BUT many things that are said in those articles are a bit stupid, all in all, I think it's worth to take a look.



Patsoxís Guide to Body Language: the Closest Way to Reading Her Mind.



I often hear people say ďreading another personís mind is impossible.Ē While they might be right, that doesnít mean you canít come closeÖbut how would you go about doing such a thing? Easy Ė reading body language. Itís the closest way to being telepathic without actually being that way.

That in mind, hereís some information about body language which Iíve picked up through both observation and conversation over the years:

Q: What makes body language so reliable?

A: Itís simple: it allows us to reasonably predict other peopleís line of thinking, moods, and feelings; itís essentially a link to the minds of other people. With spoken word, youíre more susceptible to lies Ė but with body language, the truth always shines through.



Q: InterestingÖbut how can this help me with girls?

A: Ooh, trust meÖit can. Being able to properly read her body language will allow you to gauge her level of interest, or lack thereof.

Q: Again, interestingÖbut what should I look for?

A: This is where it gets *even more* interesting.

The following are examples of what you might see, and what it means:

1: Arm folding.

When talking to a girl, this often can be very telling Ė if she has poor eye contact coupled with folded arms, then that indicates that sheís putting up a physiological barrier between you and her, which means she isnít into you; however, if sheís leaning forward, and has good eye contact, then she could be paying deep attention to whatever youíre saying, which means sheís interested.

2: Posture, presentation, and body movements.

How she moves, presents herself, and her general posture are important factors in determining whatís going on in her head.

Keep an eye on how fidgety she is Ė but be sure to take it in context. If sheís fidgety with the head tilt and poor eye contact, then, wellÖnot interested -- but if thatís not the case, then her being fidgety could indicate that sheís nervous, which is perfectly natural with humans when handling a situation where we want everything to go over well, but aren't at all sure if that's what we're gonna get. If she does have nerves, then we can then safely conclude that she wanted everything to go well, which means she obviously has some positive feelings, which aren't of the FZ variety.

Keep an eye on how often she adjusts what sheís wearing, too Ė if she does this, then that means sheís trying to make herself look better, which indicates that she has interest.

How about her body? Is she turning toward you, or away from you? If itís towards, then thatís shows interest; if itís away, then youíre boring her.

Try to take an occasional quick glance at specific body parts, too Ė like hands. If you can see her palms, then she feels comfortable, which is good. What her legs are doing could provide you with some valuable information, as well Ė if theyíre open, then thatís another indication of trust; if theyíre pointing towards you, then thatís yet another sign sheís interested.

Watch for how ďclosedĒ her body is. If she feels comfortable with you, then her body will be more loose and open; if her body is tense and closed off, then sheís putting up one of the barriers I wrote about earlier, which isnít good.

With posture, itís really rather simple: if her back is up straight, then thatís a positive sign; if sheís slouched, then thatís negative. Basic stuff.



3: Eyes.

Some people say eyes are the window to the soul. And while I think the idea of a soul is utter nonsense, their point is valid: eyes can tell you an awful lot.

Eye contact is big. If she keeps strong eye contact, that means sheís listening very intently, which means sheís intrigued by the conversation. If her eye contact is intermittent, then that means her attention isnít at all focused on you, which means she isnít too entertained by whatever youíre droning on about. If you notice poor eye contact coupled with a tilted head, then sheís bored by you, and disinterested.

However, intermittent eye contact is to be taken in context; it could, in some cases, indicate interest. If her body language dictates that sheís nervous (I already explained how to see nervousness), then weak eye contact is a *good* thing.

The very astute observer might notice if her pupils dilate. If you notice this, then thatís a very good thing Ė it means she likely has a strong sexual attraction to you.

Also, keep an eye (no pun intended) on how often she blinks. If she blinks a lot, then that indicates interest.



4: Voice.

Not much to this aspect; itís rather simple, too. If she speaks or laughs in unison with you, then thereís interest present; if she focuses all her attention on you while around a crowed of others, then that shows interest, too.



5: Random crap which didnít necessarily fit in another category.

If youíre really hitting it off well with her, then pay close attention to *both* her movements, and yours. She could very well mimic your body movements, and if sheís *really* interested, then she might even *breathe* in unison with you.

The closer she puts herself to you, the more positive the feelings and thoughts.

Iíve spoke of head tilting Ė but itís not all bad. If she tilts her head towards you, or up in the air, then thatís good Ė itís the sideways one you have to look out for.

Now, while this is all useful information, you *have* to practice with it before you apply it to girls youíre interested in. That way, youíll get used to it, and your observations wonít require a conscious effort, and therefore, wonít distract you.

If anyone has further questions, then they can feel free to message me and ask.

VŚd Hamster 05-24-2009 10:30 AM

THE ORIGINAL VŇD HAMSTER FAQ
*A work in progress.


What women want-


You see it all the time, right? the girl you want, walking of with a total asshole. You're thinking to yourself, WHY? You know he will hurt her, and that she's not what she's looking for.
You ask yourself, what does she see in him?


The answer, my friend, is, fortunately, simple.


BALLS. (Confidence)


By far the majority of women want a man who can take action, a man who isn't afraid to do what pleases him, and be who he is. And stands up for that.

Women fall for this very fast. And if there is something that assholes have in plenty, then balls is it.

Although some women actually want to be treated bad, the majority are merely oblivious to their 'bad' side (Humans tend to neglect things, even when they are right in front of them.) As such, trying to reveal the true nature of the asshole to a woman is harder than stomaching 48 hours of straight MTV reality shows.


Does this mean I have the choice of either being eternally single, or starting to treat people bad?


Yes No!

You can have balls like a whale, and still help people off the train with their bikes.

The keyword here is INTEGRITY

-

Including what I stated above (Beneath the 'balls' text, you can't miss it) you'll need a few things. You can probably imagine a lot, but I'll throw some in here for personal enjoyment and TL;DR value.

A big one is independence. NOTHING is more of a turn off than a guy who can't take care of himself without his mommy, or anything related. A man who can make things work by himself is a turnon to most women.

Another thing is spontanity. Women are given cursed with a sense of order and schedule, and thus few things pleases them more than when a guy can take them OUT of that schedule, into something new and exciting.

I'm not talking disrupting her life with dates every other day, nor that you can't have order in your life(this is preferred, actually). AND women DO like security and stability, but heavy repetetion is the ultimate female-repellant.


But how do I treat women right, Kurt?


First of all, WOMEN ARE NOT FOR PUTTING ON A PEDESTAL.

You don't treat them like dirt (like you wouldn't any other human) either, but just as another homo sapien. Read Rigiddigit's FAQ for this part, because I'm too tired to type that right now.


Kurt, I like a girl BUT SHE ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND!


Then she's off limits. Very simple. Here's why-

Trying to break them up is a dick move, and could land you a trashing if you're unlucky. Making her cheat on him is also a very bad idea, the simple reason being-

If she cheats WITH you, she cheats ON you.


That's a universal rule, NO exceptions. The relationship would be poisoned from the start.

Spending time with her and waiting for her to break up with him by herself, is fine, but rarely worth the trouble.


Kurt, help, MY RELATIONSHIP IS BREAKING UP AND WE FIGHT ALL THE TIME!


Ah, you have a problem with something called COMMUNICATION.

I can't begin to cover the massive aspect that is communication, but I can lead you on your way.

If something is wrong in your relationship, you talk about it. Don't know how? I'll tell you-

Sit down, just you and your loved one, somewhere quiet. Now, you must both put all cards on the table. No lies, no secrets, no alterior motives. Only truth.

This is important because you MUST treat your partner as an equal in this situation. You both have a problem, and only together can you solve this.

Speak gently, with understanding, and care for your partner. It is not anybody's fault, it is something you must conquer together.

They key to a healthy communication line is that both individuals get heard, respected, and understood.


Kurt! How do I tell if a girl likes me?


Use your logic. If she likes you she'll want to be around you. She'll keep her attention towards you, touch you, look at you, be in a good/hyper-ish mood.

She will also try to look her best around you, so she'll fling her hair around, make sure her clothes are in place, etc etc. Look for signs that she wants you to notice her.

Girls are VERY simple when it comes to this. You shouldn't be in doubt if a girl likes you.


THE ULTIMATE FRIENDZONE FAQ.


So, you have been FZ'd, and you're wondering what to do. Now, in most cases I would say do what everyone else tells you, and just move on.

HOWEVER-
for the people with big balls, and a slight emotional deathwish, here follows the most epic thing you can do when FZ'd.

You use her security against her. If you are FZ'd with a girl that DOESN'T have a boyfriend, you can use this. Otherwise, it won't work.

If you recognise these quotes:

''You're the only one I can tell these things''

''You're so good at listening''

''You're the best friend I have''


Then you are the in the perfect situation (as much as it gets when FZ'd)


Here comes the kicker-
tell her you've found someone who you're really interested in. Preferably someone who doesn't even like you(as to not hurt that girl's feelings)
Now, what you want to do is pretend to like this girl, and use all the time you used to use on your FZ girl on her instead. Or pretend to, it really doesn't matter.
When she calls you, or wants to see you, tell her you have to go out with the other girl, and the few times where you actually see FZgirl, talk about the other girl ALL the time.

This will cause an utter shock in the mind of your FZgirl. She was completely certain she knew where she had you.

She was proven wrong. This provides two things women love-

Uncertianty
Drama

Chances are she will also start to miss you (even if you were just her emotional tampon) And THAT, is exactly what we want. This can lead to two things-

Her going FFFFFFFUUUUUUUU- and being in a completely out-of-it state. This gives you the pleasure of internally laughing at her, and you will have the satisfaction of having the last word, as you leave her in the dust. From here on, just stop talking to her at all. Move on.

It can also spark a golden opportunity. There is a slight chance she will develop romantic feelings for you in this process, and this is to be exploited.
If FZgirl starts to touch you alot, flirt more heavily, and generally SHOWER you with attention, that is good indicator that our plan is working.

Soon there should be an opportunity when she leans in on you just right, giving off all the right signals. Now, seal the deal, and BINGO. You got out of the friendzone.


How do I know this? It happened to me. We lasted for 2Ĺ years, and it was the best relationship I ever had. (others report good results as well)

It might work, and it might not. But hey, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

rigiddigits 05-24-2009 10:30 AM

Here is a chart type thing, which is a reflection of how I feel and how I know many other girls feel about this. These might seem a bit strict, and you'll most likely just do what feels natural when you're actually in this situation. It's not always this black-and-white but it might help your confidence, sooooo:

***90% of Communication***
A Physical Contact Guide

Imagine the female body (don't get too carried away now)

Body part / OK to touch at your stage (i.e. just starting to hang out with her):

Face / No - too forward
Hair / Occasionally, stroking is creepy though
Neck / No - too forward
Shoulders / Briefly if at all, personally I find it weird
Back (top) / No - too 'friendly'
Back ('small') / Yes, briefly
Arms / Yes
Hands / Yes, briefly
Ass / No - waaaay too forward, lol
Hips/waist / Yes, briefly
Thighs / No - too forward
Knees / Yeah, if you're sitting down and you want to start off a conversation
Rest of legs / Yes, briefly, like if you're sitting on the floor together
Feet / ...Probably not.

Basically you want to find little ways to touch her either at the beginning of or during your conversation. If you see her in the street for example, a touch on the arm is nice to say hello. If you see her turned away from you (e.g. at a bar or something) then it's OK to touch her on her waist or lower back to get her to turn round and say hi. If you're standing up talking, and she says something that you really identify with (e.g. mentions that she likes a band you love) then touch her on the arm for longer as you enthuse about having this awesome thing in common. If you're sitting down talking, you can add touching her hand, and just above her knee to your list. Same applies; if she's said something funny, something you like, or if there's a pause in the conversation, accompany your next sentence (e.g. "So - *touches knee, arm or hand* are you hungry? Let's get something to eat!")

You can also use touch to be playful, like if she says something dumb or that you disagree with, you can joke about it and touch her in the same way that I described above. If you're laying down talking, you lucky guy, then you can touch all of the above PLUS her hip/waist, and if she hasn't got it by then, you can do something cute, like link little fingers or put your feet on top of her feet or something.

All this stuff is not only a good way to tell her that you're not just another friend, but also a way of checking how she feels too. You'll be able to tell an awful lot by her response. If you're unsure, stick to 'standing up talking' moves until you feel confident to give something more a try. To be honest, all you have to do is make her feel comfortable around you and pick up the right signals. If she doesn't feel the same way then she has plenty of time to let you know (non-verbally) because you will know not to come on too strong.

rigiddigits 05-24-2009 10:31 AM

So a lot of the problems posted in this thread are from guys having relationship issues. But I've actually noticed quite a few that have been written by girls, and I thought that since I am one myself, and since Iíve had quite a bit of experience with relationships and the like, I'd contribute a little FAQ that might be helpful to some of them. It could be useful for guys to read too, weíll see. Obviously a lot of the main FAQ answers will apply to you, so go there first and just exchange where it says Ďgirlfriendí for Ďboyfriendí. (If you are straight. :P: ) DISCLAIMER: I donít intend to condescend. Iím not expecting this to apply to everybody. Everyone thinks differently and I am by no means attempting to put you all in one box. Hell, I think more like a guy than most guys I know. I am not trying to say that all girls will experience these problems, or that girls only experience these problems. What I know is that men and women OFTEN see things in different ways, which can cause a lot of problems. Consequently, here goes:

***GIRLSí FAQ***
by rigiddigits


I donít want to look stupid by flirting with someone who isnít interestedÖhow can I tell if he likes me without asking? See if heís doing anything listed in that FAQ for Ďhow to show a girl you like herí! If you think heís too shy to try that sort of stuff, try it with him instead and see how he reacts. And you wonít look stupid anyway, at least not if youíre subtle about it. The worst that can happen is heíll take it as a compliment. :)

My friend told me he has feelings for me but Iíd rather stay friends. How can I let him down gently without losing his friendship or making things awkward between us? You need to be firm with him but be kind. It probably took a lot for him to get up the courage to tell you and you should let him know how you feel one way or the other so he can get over the idea of being with you, and move on to new girls. Donít sugar the pill with compliments but try not to let it show if youíre freaked out either. If youíre plain not attracted to him, donít be afraid to say so. If you think itíd be a bad idea but you are attracted to him still, you might want to consider leaving that part out. Personally I would. Itíd only make things harder IMO.

How can I get guys to like me? Be confident and be yourself. Act (and feel) like youíre not living and dying on whether he likes you back. Hold back on telling him your life story and leave a little to the imagination.

How can I get guys to respect me? Donít stand for any crap but donít be controlling. Ask his opinion on things, listen to what he talks to you about and for godís sake donít be afraid to say what you think. Donít bitch about other girls and donít go on about your last relationship. Donít tell lies or deliberately mess with his head, or do things to Ďtestí his feelings for you.

My ex-boyfriend is weirding me out and/or affecting my new relationship. How do I get through to him to leave me alone without making things worse? Tell him once that you want him to stop behaving this way, and if he doesnít listen to you then cut off all contact, or if you have to see one another, limit it to the bare minimum. You might have to sever some emotional ties with him to do so, but keeping him around will only prevent him from moving on. Donít keep it a secret if heís threatening you.

I really like my friendís boyfriend and I think he likes me. Can I go there? <subjective answer alert> No. Not cool. If youíre not prepared to move on, keep your distance and let their relationship run its course without your influence.

I have a boyfriend, but Iím thinking about somebody else more than him. What does this mean? In my experience itís a warning sign that the relationship is over, or will be soon. Things like this are usually a symptom of an underlying issue. If you donít feel able to honestly continue a committed relationship with him, then end it before things go bad. If youíre sure itís just a crush and you do want to keep going out with your boyfriend, then try to limit contact with the other person as best you can to take your mind off them and spend more time with your boy. You should also be prepared to let the other person know that youíre in a relationship and youíre going to keep it that way.

Iíve cheated on my boyfriend. a) Should I tell him? b) How can I fix it? c) Should we split up? Again speaking from experience Ė be honest. It really isnít worth trying to hide it, itís better coming from you, and heíll only get hurt in the long run if you try to protect him now. If you want to stay with him then tell him so, but donít expect him to agree. Be straight up with him and apologise genuinely from the bottom of your heart. Donít beg and plead or make dramatic promises you canít fulfil. You have a lot of ground to make up. If you donít think you can maintain a monogamous relationship, or if you think that your broken trust canít be built back up again, then itís time to say goodbye and try to learn from your mistakes.

I canít trust my boyfriend and/or I think heís cheating on me. Should I talk to him about it? Tricky one this. If you have GOOD REASON to believe that heís not being honest with you, then ask him about it. Donít accuse him of anything before you have all the facts though. If you suspect youíre just being paranoid, try your best to work through it on your own without pressuring him to act differently. If youíre unhappy with how heís acting around other girls then be aware that it probably wonít do any good telling him to change, and if you have different standards about that sort of thing then youíre better off apart.

My boyfriend makes me feel like Iím worthless, but I canít face the thought of breaking up with him. How can I make things better? Seriously, break up with that douchebag. Nobody has the right to make you feel like that and you deserve a hundred times better.

I donít want to be in a committed relationship right now but I still want to have fun and spend time with guys. How can I let him know I want something less serious without coming off as a slut? Make sure you both know the score ASAP. Make it clear what you want and what you canít offer him. It is perfectly acceptable and really quite common to wish to avoid serious relationships, particularly when youíre young. Itís often misinterpreted as wanting to sleep around, which is a different thing entirely. You can still share a great connection with someone without feeling restricted by the boundaries of a relationship; you just have to find the right person. Heíll understand if you explain your reasons clearly, and then itís down to him to back off if he doesnít relate to them. Just be up front about it and donít wait until itís too late.

My partner is asking me to do something that Iím not comfortable with. Is this worth breaking up over? Will I lose him if I say no? If youíve thought this through and you definitely arenít happy taking a leap of faith and giving it a shot, then you need to tell him. It doesnít mean the relationship is over. Youíre not going to have absolutely everything in common with a guy. However, if itís such a big deal to either of you that you think youíre no longer compatible, then youíre better off apart.

Iím not happy with how my boyfriend lives his life. How can I get him to change? You canít. If you disagree with his lifestyle to the extent that youíre getting mad at him and you canít see it from his point of view, then you shouldnít be together IMO.

Iím thinking about ending my relationship, but I donít want to hurt him. Is it possible to have a smooth break-up? Yes, but donít count on it. Even if youíre totally prepared with what to say and do, it entirely depends on how the other person reacts and thatís an unknown quantity. Just focus on what you want to say, be clear and honest and donít beat around the bush. If thereís one phrase to avoid, itís ďI love you, but Iím not in love with you.Ē Do it in person if you possibly can. Donít expect friendship and donít compensate for making him upset by saying things you donít mean. And donít feel guilty afterward. You did the right thing.

~ Feel free to PM for advice ~

domino_92 05-24-2009 10:32 AM

domino_92's Guide to Break-Ups



So my girlfriend/boyfriend broke up with me...

This happens to everyone at some point in their life, and chances are that it will happen more than once. Here's a few common problems and misconceptions people have about break-ups, and ways to overcome them.


I'm having trouble getting over my ex. What do I do?

This is the most common problem ever to occur in break-ups. There is an age old expression that applies here; 'There are plenty more fish in the sea'. No matter how perfect your ex may have seemed, there are probably 1,000,000 people out there that are just like them. It's up to you to go out and find them. Here's some suggestions to get over an ex:



1. CUT ALL CONTACT - I cannot stress this enough. If you want to get over your ex, you have to stop talking to, calling, and texting them. It's not impossible to be friends with an ex, but you need AT LEAST a month or two without seeing or contacting them in any way to move on and get a grip on yourself.
2. MEET OTHER PEOPLE - You're single. Take advantage of that. Go out and meet new girls/boys. Flirt around. You're no longer tied down to one person, so take a look at all your new options.
3. HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS - Nobody knows you better than your friends and family. Let them cheer you up. Go to a party, the cinema, shopping, etc...
4. KEEP BUSY - The more time you have to yourself, the more time you're going to spend thinking about your ex. Find a hobby or something to keep you preoccupied. Join the gym, clean your toilet, actually pick up that guitar that's just sitting in the corner collecting dust. Anything that will keep you going throughout the day.


My girlfriend told me she wants to take a 'break'. What do I do?

Move on. 90% of the time 'break' is synonymous for 'over', but she's too afraid to hurt your feelings to tell you that. Treat it like you would a normal break-up and move on. Follow the above advice, because your relationship is essentially over.


I'm with a new girl now, but my ex has started showing interest in me again. Should I break-up with me current girlfriend to be with my ex again?

NO! Absolutely not! The only reason your ex is showing interest in you again is because she knows she can't have you. If you dump your new girl for the old one, she'll quickly lose interest, and then you'll be left with nothing. Focus on building and keeping a healthy relationship with your new girl.


Is it possible to be friends with an ex?

Absolutely. But in order to be friends with an ex, you have to get over all romantic feelings you have for them.

This should eliminate many questions regarding break-ups in this thread, but it won't eliminate all of them. If you don't think the answer to your problem is in here, feel free to PM or post your question in this thread in order to get more than one viewpoint.



Hey guys, FB here. Since someone accidently forgot to PM me about the new thread, I was unable to grab a first post. But thankfully my good friend domino is allowing me to post my FAQ along with his post, which I greatly appreciate.

Freezer Burn's Ultimate FAQ

  1. So there's this girl i like, what do I do?
    First off, DO NOT TELL HER YOU LIKE HER. You should show her that you like her, not tell her, as actions are stronger than words. After getting to know her better, ask her on a date. If nothing else, atleast get her number.

  2. This girl I like has a boy friend, yet tells me she likes me more. I don't get it?
    She's lying to you. You have to listen to what she is showing you through her actions, and not listen to what she says. If she wanted to be dating you instead, she would do so.

  3. I'm still friends with my ex, and it's not working out, help?
    In my opinion, if you're friends before you date, you're friends afterwards, and if you aren't friends before you date, then you aren't friends afterwards(thanks to rtbsmgsmf for this). However, i'm friends with my exes, i'm just not as close with them as I use to be.

  4. I don't like my girlfriend anymore, what do I do?You should break up with her. The relationship can't be healthy if feelings aren't mutual. If you don't, the relationship will eventually fail in the long run.

  5. How do I get over my ex-girlfriend?
    Becoming friends with the ex won't help at all. If you truly want to get over them, stop talking to them. My best advice to this question is to go out and meet new girls, they will help you get your ex off your mind.

  6. What's the friendzone?
    The friendzone is a place where all the guys that are just friends to the girls go when they are too sensitive and nice to a girl. Usually, these guys bear the name of emotional tampon. You don't want to be in the friend zone if you are looking for a relationship because once you're in it, you're stuck there 99.9% of the time.

  7. So how do I avoid the friendzone?
    Don't be a wussy around women. Girls love guys with confidence, and guys who can be themselves at all times. Don't try to be someone you're not, as it will come around to bite you where it hurts.

  8. So I like this girl/my bestfriend, but she doesn't like me, basically i'm friend-zoned. What do I do?
    Move on. Going after this girl would be a waste of time for both you and her. Save yourself the embarrassment of making a move on her and find new women.


  9. My best friend is dating/dated this girl and I like her. Help?
    -If they are still dating: move on and forget about her, as it's not cool to mess up other people's relationships, especially your best friend's.

    -If they aren't dating anymore: talk to your friend about it; he may or may not be cool with it, you should respect his decision. Some people believe that it's wrong to date a buddy's ex but it's up to you.

CrunchyRoll 05-24-2009 11:17 AM

Sup players?

Another bassist 05-24-2009 11:37 AM

Glad to see a new thread up :cheers:

Rasta Dogg 05-24-2009 11:52 AM

Nice job with the FAQ's, as always. I'll hopefully be in and out of here every now and then.

EDIT: AHA! Something to contribute. Somebody posted this in a former thread, I for one found it quite helpful, as it points out a lot of things that probably never occurred to most guys.

Behold! The Book of Pook!

http://www.gubb.devisland.net/The%2...20of%20Pook.pdf

A7XFAN1995 05-24-2009 11:55 AM

Good to see a new thread up the last one was getting too big.

domino_92 05-24-2009 03:36 PM

And it's official; the other RT has been closed. Who's first?

ChucklesMginty 05-24-2009 03:38 PM

Woo new thread :D

Edit: maybe I should follow some advice this time and might actually be able to get a girlfriend. Hang on though, the drug thread is over 1000 pages and that hasn't been closed yet. :confused:

Stormx 05-24-2009 03:40 PM

heeyyy new thread!

Ledforthehead 05-24-2009 03:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChucklesMginty
Woo new thread :D

Edit: maybe I should follow some advice this time and might actually be able to get a girlfriend.

naahhhh

lordofthefood1 05-24-2009 03:49 PM

>so lyke Idun o how to tawk to a gurl. shes pritty and smeels nice and i get buttflies
>Open your mouth and move your tongue and form words.

Outside of my bitching and complaining, I give good advice to some.

InTheFlesh! 05-24-2009 03:49 PM

Cool, new RT. Was the old one just too long or what?
btw is my advice too controversial for me to be added to the list in the first post? =d

Zaphikh 05-24-2009 03:51 PM

I'm happy with the relationship with my lady. So is she. That is all :cool:

LesPaulLeader08 05-24-2009 03:58 PM

Me first? Koo'.

I plan to ask a lady friend of mine on a date. Thing is, the next time I see her will be on campus. There's very, very little to do. Help? :(

If any more details are needed, please ask.
Thanks. :)

domino_92 05-24-2009 03:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LesPaulLeader08
Me first? Koo'.

I plan to ask a lady friend of mine on a date. Thing is, the next time I see her will be on campus. There's very, very little to do. Help? :(

If any more details are needed, please ask.
Thanks. :)


I live in one of the most uneventful cities in the world. My girlfriend and I always walk around somewhere, find somewhere nice to relax and just talk/cuddle/kiss. Just walk around with her and get to know her better.

Zaphikh 05-24-2009 03:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LesPaulLeader08
Me first? Koo'.

I plan to ask a lady friend of mine on a date. Thing is, the next time I see her will be on campus. There's very, very little to do. Help? :(

If any more details are needed, please ask.
Thanks. :)

Scrabble. Always a default answer when there's nothing to do.


It's what my lady and I do when we want to duke it out with words, but not verbally.



But you're probably not geeks like us... :liplick:


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