Oh sweet friend of mine
I have taken thy sweet rose
For my lady fair;
I humbly beg your gracious pardon
I am in no way
Entitled to take from a honeybee.
If you do walk through the garden in spring
Mind you don't trasspass,
For the gardeners do sting.
This has a certain charm about it that I can't quite pin down, and you pulled off the old-fashioned style of it beautifully. Your wording is so smooth and concise that it seems not a single word could be changed or removed without destroying the whole piece.
I found the first stanza to be especially well-written, and I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the narrator was speaking to a honeybee. It made me smile, and for that, I love this piece. I also liked the rhyme in the second stanza, and the last line was perfect.
There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said above. This is a very nice piece. I would like to see you try to develop further in this style of writing.
Thank you both very much for the comments. And I agree with both of you, I actually think this is one of my better pieces
|All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:17 PM.|
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.