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-   -   If life is this way (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1563154)

Ali Mac 09-16-2012 02:35 AM

If life is this way
 
If life is this way

Verse

Sittin' watchin the trucks go by,
oh not a soul is by my side.
It's been like this for quite sometime,
I keep askin' myself when is it my time.

Chorus

If like is this way,
I think I'll spend it,
singin' the blues everyday!

Bridge

Verse 2

If there's one thing in life that I've learned,
it's that the hard workin' man never earns.
Gonna pack me up a suitcase an hit the road,
oh lord I'm so tired of being told.

Chorus

If life is this way,
I think I'll spend it with the blues each an everyday!

Outro

Thank you.

crazysam23_Atax 09-16-2012 02:57 AM

I'm guessing, by the chorus, that this it's supposed to be a blues song. That said, find a way to repeat a line or two. Put some of that blues into it. Sing the line one way, then sing it again a different way.

Ali Mac 09-16-2012 03:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazysam23_Atax
I'm guessing, by the chorus, that this it's supposed to be a blues song. That said, find a way to repeat a line or two. Put some of that blues into it. Sing the line one way, then sing it again a different way.

Yes sir your guess is right! It's in the style of Delta blues, I will post up a video with the music soon enough on acoustic. :)

crazysam23_Atax 09-16-2012 03:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali Mac
Yes sir your guess is right! It's in the style of Delta blues, I will post up a video with the music soon enough on acoustic. :)

Then, spice it up a bit. Make some call and response action up in here!

Ali Mac 09-16-2012 03:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by crazysam23_Atax
Then, spice it up a bit. Make some call and response action up in here!

Unfortunately I don't like touching my work after I consider it done, so I don't think I'll change anything. :shrug:

mojomike 09-16-2012 01:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali Mac
Unfortunately I don't like touching my work after I consider it done, so I don't think I'll change anything. :shrug:
Then why are you posting here? Any feedback you do get is useless if you're just going to disregard it.

First of all though, see the announcement on the top of the front page, "Announcement: The S+L Forum Rules + Critique Advice Article - MUST Read Before You Post!" ? Do yourself (and us) a favour and read it. Now. http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ouncementid=128

Now as for your lyrics, I'm not sure if you're just trolling so against my better judgement I'll offer some honest advice. First, the last two "songs" you posted look like they required about zero thought. That 'Daddy' song is just terrible. The only way to fix it is to burn it with fire. This song isn't as bad but it's basically about nothing at all. You just threw a bunch of words together with the word 'blues' in the middle. An 8 year old could have wrote that.

I realize that's not exactly advice, so here's something: that first thread you posted 'David Brown' is half decent. I mean the rhyming/word choice and structure seem a bit forced in places but at least you were writing about something and the lyrics have some literary merit. Next time you post something try to make sure it's more along those lines.

Ali Mac 09-16-2012 03:40 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mojomike
Then why are you posting here? Any feedback you do get is useless if you're just going to disregard it.

First of all though, see the announcement on the top of the front page, "Announcement: The S+L Forum Rules + Critique Advice Article - MUST Read Before You Post!" ? Do yourself (and us) a favour and read it. Now. http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ouncementid=128

Now as for your lyrics, I'm not sure if you're just trolling so against my better judgement I'll offer some honest advice. First, the last two "songs" you posted look like they required about zero thought. That 'Daddy' song is just terrible. The only way to fix it is to burn it with fire. This song isn't as bad but it's basically about nothing at all. You just threw a bunch of words together with the word 'blues' in the middle. An 8 year old could have wrote that.

I realize that's not exactly advice, so here's something: that first thread you posted 'David Brown' is half decent. I mean the rhyming/word choice and structure seem a bit forced in places but at least you were writing about something and the lyrics have some literary merit. Next time you post something try to make sure it's more along those lines.

Wow lighten up on the attack here, friend.
I'm posting here for advice, it doesn't mean I'll change work I've already made, it definately means I'll take it into consideration for future work. Also please don't talk to me as I'm if I'm some rule breaking idiot, I didn't break any rules, I'm looking for advice, enough with the moderation trip, leave it to the moderators we already have.

As for your comment regarding my lyrics that's an absolute insult that your calling me a troll. Just because it's simple does that translate to it being terrible? If it does I think you need to reconsider how your offering advice. With respect to Daddy's House lets compare it to :


Well the kids are all hopped up and ready to go
They're ready to go now
They've got their surfboards
And they're going to the discotheque a go go
But she just couldn't stay
She had to break away
Well New York City really has it all
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Well She's a punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker

Well the kids are all hopped up and ready to go
They're ready to go now
They've got their surfboards
And they're going to the discotheque a go go
But she just couldn't stay
She had to break away
Well New York City really has it all
Oh yeah, oh yeah

Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Well She's a punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker
Punk punk, a punk rocker

Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker
Sheena is a punk rocker now


Simple. A this a something you'd class as terrible? I'm not sure, but I for sure wouldn't burn it. And I actually think simple is genius, it's the simple stuff that people like. So I don't think I'll burn anything. I like it, it means something to me. As far as this blues piece goes though, there is no meaning your right, but when combined with the music it has written to it, it takes on a whole new light. And it's delta blues, remember that. So again I'm sorry to say it, but perhaps you'll have a different opinion when I post up the music, or perhaps it will stay the same, I haven't the slightest but regardless I'll post up the music soon.

An in relation to David Brown, I'm sorry but I don't believe songs have to make sense for them to be posted or to be considered good. Songs can be anything in my opinion.

mojomike 09-16-2012 04:27 PM

I realize this is a Lyrics AND Songwriting forum so maybe fair enough about your point with the music. But as long as all I see is the lyrics than that's all I have to judge it by. So to answer your question, strictly speaking I would call Sheena Is a Punk Rocker a terrible song if all I had to go by was the lyrics. The Ramones weren't exactly known for their well thought-out meanings and extensive vocabularies. Further to that point, simply because a certain song is considered a 'classic' or is popular doesn't make it good. You have to realize that when you're posting lyrics, they're going to be judged on their own merit by reading them. So I make no apologies for my initial valuation.

As for the forum rules, there is a posting limit of 1 song per day and 2 for every six days. Perhaps I jumped to a conclussion a little quickly but when I see 3 new threads of similar quality posted in quick succession by the same user the first thought I have is that it's someone trolling for attention because I've seen it here enough before.

Ali Mac 09-16-2012 06:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mojomike
I realize this is a Lyrics AND Songwriting forum so maybe fair enough about your point with the music. But as long as all I see is the lyrics than that's all I have to judge it by. So to answer your question, strictly speaking I would call Sheena Is a Punk Rocker a terrible song if all I had to go by was the lyrics. The Ramones weren't exactly known for their well thought-out meanings and extensive vocabularies. Further to that point, simply because a certain song is considered a 'classic' or is popular doesn't make it good. You have to realize that when you're posting lyrics, they're going to be judged on their own merit by reading them. So I make no apologies for my initial valuation.

As for the forum rules, there is a posting limit of 1 song per day and 2 for every six days. Perhaps I jumped to a conclussion a little quickly but when I see 3 new threads of similar quality posted in quick succession by the same user the first thought I have is that it's someone trolling for attention because I've seen it here enough before.

Fair enough, I am no troll, I am merely a student.

Thanks for your comments however! :cool:

Petey Cook 09-17-2012 04:29 AM

Heheh. Ali Mac is a genius. I love his strategy: "Hey, these other lyrics are worse than mine so you can't hate mine!"

Except that it doesn't work. Ali, your lyrics are genuinely not good. By any standard of meter, rhythm, rhyme or emotional content.

But, ya know, good defense. Let's call it the Minaj Move. If your lyrics aren't as bad as Niki Minaj's, they can't be ALL bad, right?

Rock On

Ali Mac 09-17-2012 01:48 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Petey Cook
Heheh. Ali Mac is a genius. I love his strategy: "Hey, these other lyrics are worse than mine so you can't hate mine!"

Except that it doesn't work. Ali, your lyrics are genuinely not good. By any standard of meter, rhythm, rhyme or emotional content.

But, ya know, good defense. Let's call it the Minaj Move. If your lyrics aren't as bad as Niki Minaj's, they can't be ALL bad, right?

Rock On

Alright, it's clear I have work to do.

I guess it's back to the drawing board for me... Thanks for the wake up call here; but that just means that I'll have to work harder on my next song! :)

RAJIV ROCKZ 09-18-2012 11:59 PM

Chill out guys. There's enough room for improvement for every one. The more one writes the better one gets next time obviously... May be you could check my lyrics at UG (linked in the signature below), you can definitely tell which one I wrote first and how I improved. I believe.

josephdavischen 09-19-2012 09:56 PM

I'm guessing, by the chorus, that this it's supposed to be a blues song.
[IMG]*********************************/chenc1.jpg[/IMG]

Ali Mac 09-20-2012 04:13 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by josephdavischen
I'm guessing, by the chorus, that this it's supposed to be a blues song.
[IMG]*********************************/chenc1.jpg[/IMG]

Yea.


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