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-   -   Unseen by the unseen (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1564782)

Fredmac12 09-25-2012 10:18 AM

Unseen by the unseen
 
Very different to my other pieces, thought I'd try something else.


And all will hear, but hear nothing
All seeing but all blind,
For here and there unaware so fair
'tis unfair to be aware of the beauty therein
Yet to be hidden's, a good riddance
To the fairness she would bring*
So farewell, goodnight
To the light bestowed into my sight
For to be unseen by the one unseen by all,
So humbled.

Comments, criticisms all welcomed, C4C if you leave a link!

Factor13x 09-25-2012 12:01 PM

i like this a lot. the contradicting aspects give it a sort of tension that makes the emotions come more alive and stand out. good work.

crazysam23_Atax 09-25-2012 02:15 PM

I greatly enjoyed that! I liked how it seemed to simultaneously contradict and then reconnect with itself.

Fredmac12 09-25-2012 05:48 PM

Thanks! I am a fan of trying to use contradicting things, paradoxes, impossibilities etc... If you have any thing you want me to take a look at leave a link :)

BjarnedeGraaf 09-25-2012 07:32 PM

im not a big fan of the hidden's/riddance line. I might be wrong and im not good at deciphering deep words like these, but that seemed a forced rhyme to me.

other than that particular line, I thought the rest was amazing

Fredmac12 09-27-2012 07:58 AM

I didn't feel that rhyme was forced actually, imo it's genuinely what I was trying to say, but thanks for the feedback!

smartalecG94 09-27-2012 09:16 PM

I really enjoyed the constant rhyme, often more than once for the same sound. To be honest I had to read it twice to really comprehend it, which is due more to my own scatterbrainedness than anything on your part. It's a good piece by me:)

My Way Out

Coal on the Outside

Fredmac12 09-29-2012 01:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by smartalecG94
I really enjoyed the constant rhyme, often more than once for the same sound. To be honest I had to read it twice to really comprehend it, which is due more to my own scatterbrainedness than anything on your part. It's a good piece by me:)

My Way Out

Coal on the Outside


If you had to read it twice, that's just what I was after with this piece! Thanks, I'll take a look at your work when I'm on my computer not my phone


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