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-   -   My Dear (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1565965)

剣 斧 血 10-02-2012 04:43 PM

My Dear
 
Your skin was always so appealing
Sweet to touch, painful, but satisfying
Now, my dear, it's safe to say
You have the allure of rusted gold
How wrong was I
To trust, think you different?
Another liar
Another coward
Another...

She likes you
But I love you

Now I sit broken limbed,
Licking wounds
For you to play cupid
After, willingly,
I placed my heart in your hands

And you call me insane?

seventh_angel 10-02-2012 05:35 PM

I don't like the repetition of sweet on the second line, and the question mark should be moved after "different" I think.

Everything else is good, I especially loved the ending; it was simple, but I enjoyed reading it.

剣 斧 血 10-02-2012 05:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by seventh_angel
I don't like the repetition of sweet on the second line, and the question mark should be moved after "different" I think.

Everything else is good, I especially loved the ending; it was simple, but I enjoyed reading it.


Thinking on it, I definitely agree about the question mark. And I think I may exchange the second "sweet" for "satisfying", it sounds better in my head. Thanks for the advice. :peace:

Bair 10-02-2012 05:44 PM

gold dont rust fool! anyway, its pretty good. depressing, but good. is this about a g/f turning gay?

剣 斧 血 10-02-2012 05:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bair
gold dont rust fool! anyway, its pretty good. depressing, but good. is this about a g/f turning gay?


Nah, it's about a girl who turned me down, told me she doesn't want a boyfriend until after exams in June and now has one. Then started telling me that I could get with her friend straight after revealing she'd just got a boyfriend. :facepalm:

Bair 10-03-2012 02:07 AM

bummer dude


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