Your skin was always so appealing
Sweet to touch, painful, but satisfying
Now, my dear, it's safe to say
You have the allure of rusted gold
How wrong was I
To trust, think you different?
She likes you
But I love you
Now I sit broken limbed,
For you to play cupid
I placed my heart in your hands
And you call me insane?
I don't like the repetition of sweet on the second line, and the question mark should be moved after "different" I think.
Everything else is good, I especially loved the ending; it was simple, but I enjoyed reading it.
Thinking on it, I definitely agree about the question mark. And I think I may exchange the second "sweet" for "satisfying", it sounds better in my head. Thanks for the advice. :peace:
gold dont rust fool! anyway, its pretty good. depressing, but good. is this about a g/f turning gay?
Nah, it's about a girl who turned me down, told me she doesn't want a boyfriend until after exams in June and now has one. Then started telling me that I could get with her friend straight after revealing she'd just got a boyfriend. :facepalm:
|All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:32 AM.|
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.