Bitter Sweet Love - C4C
 

1st song I have written, please give constructive feedback :)
The music this is sung to is on my profile.

Verse 1

I love watching them walk in the darkness
Feeling so strong in the dead of night
The look on your face was priceless
As I smothered you with that cloth
You looked at peace while I carried you to the dark
We’ll walk together into the nights embrace.

Pre chorus

Searching through this mist
Isn’t it funny how…

Chorus

You all laughed at me
In one way or another
I was just a piece of debris
But I find it all so funny now
Is it funny now?! (faded out manic laughing in the background)

Verse 2

I tie the ropes and pull you up while you’re in my pit.
I slide my blade in the candlelight
Your face is a picture I would love to frame.
You will always be on the walls of my brain.
This way you would always be able to stay the same
Say what’s your name?

Pre chorus

Do you have what I feel
We're all laughing now


Chorus

You all laughed at me
In one way or another
I was just a piece of debris
But I find it all so funny now
Is it funny now?! (faded out manic laughing in the background)


Breakdown/Interlude

I slash your soft flesh cutting deep
Making you beg, making you weep
Feeling your ruby red blood on my hand and face
Fills me with a feeling that has me addicted
So I must wait to keep it alive
you must wait what’s your hurry
You are nearly there with the rest of them
The bitches that wouldn’t love me
None of you loved me the way I loved you.
The pain you give I now return
Each of you will have a turn

Chorus

You all laughed at me
In one way or another
I was just a piece of debris
But I find it all so funny now
Is it funny now?! (faded out manic laughing in the background)

Outro

This time she was wrong
So my search goes on
Forever hunting you my love
This could be you.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha (fading out with ringing out notes at the end of the song)

I like this, it has a kind of 80's hard rock feel to it, my only criticism is that the word funny is used a lot however that hard f sound could lend some emphasis to that phrase, just something to think about. Other than that I love the story and the visuals I get reading it.

Thanks :) I think the hard 'f' sounds will lend them selves well as they are more prominent in the second half of the song where the music gets heavier and the lyrics get more violent and aggressive. I have put feedback on the thread for your song.