UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com

UG Community @ Ultimate-Guitar.Com (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/index.php)
-   Songwriting & Lyrics (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=7)
-   -   WotW : the ANTHEM (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1573004)

vintage x metal 11-14-2012 04:18 PM

WotW : the ANTHEM
 
i left to find to find the cosmos in a steaming cup of tea
and stitched the scented diction into patchwork reveries -
you etched a blindly followed smile into the life you would confide in
only fostered in the shadows of the spaces in your sleeves
... i know i'm lying when i say it isn't me,
a secret you hold safely when you wake up from a scream
a name you only murmur as a crumpled memory
(i burned off all your edges when we walked into the sea).

but I am a magician and you are forever muse
and I've gained a million lovers from the one I had to lose.
fuck you, fuck your face, I will tear it into pieces
& eat off all the flesh; praise apollo, praise jesus.
even though you sit deflated in the throne of your own castle
you've equipped me with the tools to find the beauty in an asshole -
so run, my little minion, you are now forever knighted
as the shit I first got high off, and for that I am delighted.

lillianyang 11-17-2012 03:48 AM

Thanks for sharing,good article.I like it,Im looking forward to read other articles.Awesome topic, like it!

kdownes 11-17-2012 07:56 PM

I love how quickly and unexpectedly the tone of this piece changes, and yet it still retains this amazingly fluid wordplay and almost playful writing style. I always enjoy your work.

girlgerms007 11-18-2012 09:21 AM

I like the first stanza, but the second just became abusive and the poetry in it was ruined. I think you could have achieved the same effect by employing your skill with words better.

#1 synth 11-18-2012 05:01 PM

publish a book plz.

Cyclones41 11-19-2012 12:08 PM

The only thing I didn't like about this was the "**** your face" part. The rest is perfect. I had the same thoughts as Kyle.

seventh_angel 11-19-2012 05:34 PM

I've actually liked the second stanza a whole lot more than the first. The rhyming and the flow were wonderful. Just two things I'd like to point out that I didn't like:

The Jesus rhyme sounded really forced. Maybe not THAT forced, but it really stood out from the others. But that's just a nitpick.

Now, what I really think it should be fixed is the third line from the first stanza. It may be just me, but it really is a disruption to the flow of the rest of the whole poem; and since it's one of the strengths of the piece, I didn't like how it was ruined on that line. But I may be reading it in a wrong way.

All in all, an enjoyable read this was!

Madz 11-19-2012 06:13 PM

damn, that's all I can say. terribly sorry for not posting more lately.

cubs 11-19-2012 11:28 PM

i looooooooooooooove you saadia, marry me, we can live somewhere and chill together


honestly, i enjoyed reading this a lot. it's like it successfully plays on and represents ideas i've been having lately. ahhh, we shall meet, dear. dang. really good.

vintage x metal 11-21-2012 04:59 PM

^ xxxxxoxxxxoxxxx let me call you soon pl0x!!!



dawwww man thanks guys :) you are awesome. thank you for all the feedback. I am lucky to be part of a community. if you could see me, I'd be blushing heh


I don't have my laptop so I couldn't do a voice recording but I took a quick video. Idk if the images work or not but the voice should play consistently - in case you wanted to know the rhythm I intended (and can maybe help me tweak how it's written so it will read this way!)
http://smg.beta.photobucket.com/use...CN9383.mp4.html

Arthur Curry 11-25-2012 04:01 PM

"you've equipped me with the tools to find the beauty in an asshole"

awesome, awesome line


Quote:
Originally Posted by vintage x metal
I don't have my laptop so I couldn't do a voice recording but I took a quick video. Idk if the images work or not but the voice should play consistently - in case you wanted to know the rhythm I intended (and can maybe help me tweak how it's written so it will read this way!)
http://smg.beta.photobucket.com/use...CN9383.mp4.html


Related vids: "Dad shooting the hakim"


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:37 AM.

Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.0.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.