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-   -   Unfinished rock tune (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1576123)

Wolfinator-x 12-03-2012 04:23 PM

Unfinished rock tune
 
I do have to admit I'm not really all that proud of lines 5 to 8 (climb to the top to beat that), but I think the rest is pretty coo'. Opinions? Criticisms?

Lyrics


I'm not thinking about making this a ballad (I already have enough of those). As a matter of fact this is the tune I've had in my head while writing this (not sure why):



EDIT: I just realized "Climb to the top of the highest mountain" is word-for-word a lyric line in 32 Pennies. lawl

minkeymorgan 12-04-2012 07:00 PM

hey wolf, i am new here today and read your lyrics. they are cool but lack punch. you need to cut through every line so the listener can truly feel wot you feel. for instance - "bluest tide" means zero. has no emotional attachment. bare with me fellow songwriter. each line has to have impact so one can relate to it. so, get the most out of each line. e.g. 'still i wake each morning without you by my side, (like) i'm ready at the shore to sail with no sign of the tide, you think that you are happy now and he's the one one i blame, yet i'm the the one your searching for just waiting here in vain......." see wot i mean. put your heart on the line. each line. draw the listener in. paint the story clearly yet poetically. how does this differ to wot you wrote? better or worse? leave it up to you. good luck out there wolf. minkey (2nd line chorus = so you can't break away. and even if you wanted to there's no better place to stay...)

Wolfinator-x 12-05-2012 12:38 PM

Thanks Minkey :cheers:

Yes, your lyrics seem to have more of an emotional vibe to them, and quite frankly, they could work! However, like I said, this is more of a "I'm gonna get you ;)" rock anthem and less of a "I really wish I had you :sad:" ballad kind of thing. I'm also looking more into a sort of gallant/noble tone, in that the character who is singing is glad that his love interest is happy with someone else, but that it doesn't matter because eventually he'll have her anyway.

Nonetheless, many thanks, I'm still considering what you posted :)

PSNbridgy 12-10-2012 04:45 PM

i watch the video and thought it was your song for a sec and thought, hey thats pretty damn good lol

Wolfinator-x 12-27-2012 03:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSNbridgy
i watch the video and thought it was your song for a sec and thought, hey thats pretty damn good lol
I'll take that as a compliment :)

AngryGoldfish 12-31-2012 11:26 AM

Moved to OR.

therudycometh 12-31-2012 12:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by minkeymorgan
hey wolf, i am new here today and read your lyrics. they are cool but lack punch. you need to cut through every line so the listener can truly feel wot you feel. for instance - "bluest tide" means zero. has no emotional attachment. bare with me fellow songwriter. each line has to have impact so one can relate to it. so, get the most out of each line. e.g. 'still i wake each morning without you by my side, (like) i'm ready at the shore to sail with no sign of the tide, you think that you are happy now and he's the one one i blame, yet i'm the the one your searching for just waiting here in vain......." see wot i mean. put your heart on the line. each line. draw the listener in. paint the story clearly yet poetically. how does this differ to wot you wrote? better or worse? leave it up to you. good luck out there wolf. minkey (2nd line chorus = so you can't break away. and even if you wanted to there's no better place to stay...)

I gotta agree - I'm not sure what that means lol. I think the thought is there, but you have to use your vocabulary better. When writing lyrics, you have a certain amount of space to get your thoughts into... whether it's just that one line or it's a 3-4 minute song, you need to choose your words very carefully to get the most thought and emotion into your lyrics. The line about highest mountains and thousands of miles is soooo cliche - be original! Say what YOU want to say, not what everyone else has already said!

If you get a chance, C4C: http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/foru...ferrerid=944455


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