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Search: Posts Made By: 24WildRovers
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-13-2014, 02:38 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 229
Posted By 24WildRovers
This is just some of my personal suggestions. I...

This is just some of my personal suggestions. I do really like the idea of this piece

You and me, a counter melody interweaved,
there's a lot more to us than the eye can see I like moving these two...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-04-2014, 11:17 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 257
Posted By 24WildRovers
I briefly read through this and I am going to...

I briefly read through this and I am going to guess, this is not lyrics, but a poem. So I'll go through and suggest grammatical fixes and useless "spacer" words like "but" and "that".

i can't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-03-2014, 11:04 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 250
Posted By 24WildRovers
There's a twenty foot drop From the roof that I...

There's a twenty foot drop
From the roof that I am standing on
To the pool that you are swimming in
And I am gonna jump.
Just a couple grammatical changes to make it look cleaner and more...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-03-2014, 10:38 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 371
Posted By 24WildRovers
It's fun to see you're still in this community...

It's fun to see you're still in this community after all these years...

I enjoyed this. I think if you wanted to expand, maybe incorporate something about how the animals and trees live so simply...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-03-2014, 10:34 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 327
Posted By 24WildRovers
This is pretty good for being "unfamiliar...

This is pretty good for being "unfamiliar with the whole lyric thing." This is very creative and flows really well. The only thing I really don't care for, is the lines starting with "and." The more...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-02-2014, 11:06 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 329
Posted By 24WildRovers
Hung up I'm Cut off Just as they say I've had...

Hung up
I'm Cut off
Just as they say
I've had too much of a good thing
I think it sounds good without "I've". But when singing, it might be easier to through that in

There's nothin' wrong
With...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-01-2014, 11:55 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 326
Posted By 24WildRovers
Before I start, I am writing only what I feel...

Before I start, I am writing only what I feel will make this flow and sound better. Nothing is intended to sound negative. I type my thoughts and suggestions as I read the work

The heart is
...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-10-2013, 11:21 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 289
Posted By 24WildRovers
you see me running and laughing wind in my...

you see me running and laughing
wind in my hair
chasing the shadows
in the warm summer air

when i had no fears
but the monster under my bed
then having someone hold me
and say its alright
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-28-2013, 12:38 AM
Replies: 3
brb
Views: 331
Posted By 24WildRovers
Well you are right in that I do write mostly...

Well you are right in that I do write mostly poetry, and I learned a while ago that when I give suggested lines to not make them fit. So the writter can have a second reference point and make up a...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-27-2013, 10:43 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 260
Posted By 24WildRovers
Yeah I remember you from forever ago, nice to see...

Yeah I remember you from forever ago, nice to see you again.

As far as this goes I like it, it seems to flow fairly well and I like the areas that you used words to slow the reader down, then...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-27-2013, 10:37 PM
Replies: 3
brb
Views: 331
Posted By 24WildRovers
Look at what we did I think I'd rather lie ...

Look at what we did
I think I'd rather lie
You've seen it all before
But you still act surprised
I am not usually a fan of rhyming but this doesn't kill the flow too bad. As for a start it...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-27-2013, 10:22 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 571
Posted By 24WildRovers
Like most the work of yours I have read, this is...

Like most the work of yours I have read, this is absolutely fantastic. I never really have a critique against your work and this is not excepting
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-27-2013, 10:17 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 382
Posted By 24WildRovers
This thread would be better placed here in the...

This thread would be better placed here in the Original Recordings (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=51) section
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-23-2013, 10:12 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 317
Posted By 24WildRovers
This night is dark the wind is cold I can no...

This night is dark
the wind is cold
I can no longer feel my fingers
as I touch your skin.
it is like ice
This last line is very awkward to me. It not only seems out of place but it doesn't flow...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-21-2013, 11:53 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 325
Posted By 24WildRovers
First off my advice is to not bump your own...

First off my advice is to not bump your own thread, if you want it to be recognized critique other works and leave a link in the post

So I am too tired to give you one of my proper critiques (maybe...
Forum: Other 04-21-2013, 04:27 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 368
Posted By 24WildRovers
He's way good, but I think you would have views...

He's way good, but I think you would have views of this in here (http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=18)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-18-2013, 11:06 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 202
Posted By 24WildRovers
"I donít deny your existence, why is it that...

"I donít deny your existence,
why is it that you must
constantly deny mine?"
Maybe try either 'Continuely' or 'continue to' or something. I am just not a huge fan of constantly

It is good to see...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-18-2013, 12:40 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 318
Posted By 24WildRovers
Leslie, Leslie, Such a surprise, didn't see her...

Leslie, Leslie,
Such a surprise, didn't see her disguise,
Leslie, Leslie,
I opened my heart, but she was playing a part.

Leslie, Leslie,
What is real, can you fake what you feel?
Leslie,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-18-2013, 10:22 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 272
Posted By 24WildRovers
So after reading a couple of your works I would...

So after reading a couple of your works I would like to say I very much enjoy your style and flow of writing. It seems to all fit together just fine
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-18-2013, 10:17 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 373
Posted By 24WildRovers
You can click on his name to go to his profile,...

You can click on his name to go to his profile, and on the left hand side and down a ways there is Forum threads by this person

As far as this goes, very well done. There is nothing I can suggest...
Forum: Musician Talk 04-18-2013, 10:13 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 441
Posted By 24WildRovers
This should be in the Songwriting and Lyrics...

This should be in the Songwriting and Lyrics Techniques, this forum is just for lyric drafts
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 11:32 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 396
Posted By 24WildRovers
Well thank you, after a couple years of...

Well thank you, after a couple years of inactivity I would enjoy getting back into the forums and maybe get back into writting. It will be intersting to see you evovle your technique as I work my way...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 10:44 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 10,398
Posted By 24WildRovers
Nothing I can say has not already been said. This...

Nothing I can say has not already been said. This piece is fractually fascinating. Very good work
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 10:40 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 455
Posted By 24WildRovers
Please do not bump your threads, if no one posts...

Please do not bump your threads, if no one posts on it, try critiquing other threads and linking your work in your critiques
When the hour's getting old
I can feel you grow so cold
I realize that I'm...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 10:26 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 396
Posted By 24WildRovers
Well I appreciate that you have taken my critique...

Well I appreciate that you have taken my critique the way I have ment it accross. I believe this this forum is the best place on the internet to assist others evolve their literacy techniques
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 07:24 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 396
Posted By 24WildRovers
I would like to apoligize for my spelling to...

I would like to apoligize for my spelling to begin, I really am terrible

Night, has fallen onto its cold bed
thus watching the burning woods corroding upon itself
Was it me? Or was it the voices?
...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 06:55 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 377
Posted By 24WildRovers
My uncle was a preachin' man, and I'm a preacher...

My uncle was a preachin' man, and I'm a preacher too.
Iíll keep spreading that gospel word, until my days are through.
Now kids canít pray in school, and theyíre trying to raise scholars.
But...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2013, 03:10 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 288
Posted By 24WildRovers
I have never read the book or any literature from...

I have never read the book or any literature from H G Wells, but I am a lover of Steampunk anything so I have seen a lot of references to his works

Now as far as this work of yours goes, I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-06-2012, 12:29 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 398
Posted By 24WildRovers
Did you think that the life of crocodiles ...

Did you think that the life of crocodiles
Swimming up and down the empty castles
Dark evil and witches, necrophiles
Masters of doom and darkness, broken ornaments
And once again, vanish with the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-29-2012, 11:20 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 384
Posted By 24WildRovers
Nice idea, a little creepy but I think I like it....

Nice idea, a little creepy but I think I like it. Good work :D Keep on Writing
Showing results 1 to 30 of 457

 
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