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Search: Posts Made By: 5wFisher
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-25-2014, 05:14 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 135
Posted By 5wFisher
i like the effort but i do not care for the...

i like the effort but i do not care for the rhyming scheme at a first glance.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-25-2014, 05:10 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 122
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it as well, cut the chorus and lengthen it...

i like it as well, cut the chorus and lengthen it out a bit and you got a solid poem
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-20-2014, 09:26 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 127
Posted By 5wFisher
a river of tears

a river of tears, flooding
a plain of madness, terror
you can still hear the echoes
from the cracking of whips

we'll never be able to pay back
what our forefathers stole
some say it's okay
it's out...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-19-2014, 09:30 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 248
Posted By 5wFisher
i too enjoyed this. good work!

i too enjoyed this. good work!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-17-2014, 09:43 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 230
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this. i can easily see this becoming a...

i enjoyed this. i can easily see this becoming a good rock/grunge song. reminds me of a soundgarden song that i can't remember at the moment. keep on keeping on
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 11:45 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 285
Posted By 5wFisher
very compact. excellent diction. i like it!

very compact. excellent diction. i like it!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 11:40 PM
Replies: 4
You
Views: 309
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it. it's interesting enough (as it is) to...

i like it. it's interesting enough (as it is) to not need any further descriptions. well done
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2014, 02:04 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 373
Posted By 5wFisher
thanks. i do not have a chorus. i wrote the...

thanks. i do not have a chorus. i wrote the first two verses 4 years ago and the last three last week.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2014, 11:48 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 373
Posted By 5wFisher
politician

i have listless eyes
i have two busted hands
and he's only seen me
as a slave at his commands

my hands work
for the man of your dreams
collapse's on the horizon
for the child of his greed
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-22-2014, 09:05 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 395
Posted By 5wFisher
short but interesting. good work!

short but interesting. good work!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-21-2014, 09:11 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 245
Posted By 5wFisher
good read. thanks!

good read. thanks!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-10-2014, 01:04 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 203
Posted By 5wFisher
hang my hat

"i've got nowhere to hang my hat
no love to run to"

i sit here and watch the sun
fade at daybreak
another mistake
another broken heart

what's left for me?
a vacant lot
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-06-2014, 05:12 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 288
Posted By 5wFisher
love is war

between us lies
the battle ground
i always come out wounded

in the trenches
bodies lay mangled
the past is never
far behind
even on the brightest days
she is still entangled
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-26-2014, 05:55 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 239
Posted By 5wFisher
start a fire

start a fire
that's where i'd start
lover her for today
cause you don't know
when she'll part

tell me, clouds
what's price you pay
to make it rain?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-18-2014, 08:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 174
Posted By 5wFisher
politics

lie after lie
time after time
all i know now
is politics

bred in hate
for money to be made
i see evil
everywhere
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-17-2014, 04:59 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 450
Posted By 5wFisher
i really enjoyed this

i really enjoyed this
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2014, 04:55 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 225
Posted By 5wFisher
this has potential. good work

this has potential. good work
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-27-2014, 07:13 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 236
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this. i thought you could end it after...

i enjoyed this. i thought you could end it after "palm of his hand".
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-27-2014, 12:07 AM
Replies: 19
Views: 1,222
Posted By 5wFisher
good stuff. i like the whole song. keep up the...

good stuff. i like the whole song. keep up the good work!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-21-2014, 08:24 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 267
Posted By 5wFisher
i found the third verse to be repetitive. tell me...

i found the third verse to be repetitive. tell me more about the day. personal problems or more adjectives to describe the setting other than the sky. i think there's potential though
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:54 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 396
Posted By 5wFisher
it almost seem confessional. i think there's...

it almost seem confessional. i think there's potential for a song but the transitions from line to line or verse to verse seem odd. that's all i got. good work
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:50 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 286
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this one too. the third stanza was...

i enjoyed this one too. the third stanza was really strong to me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:18 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 519
Posted By 5wFisher
my pleasure. thank you for this you guys

my pleasure. thank you for this you guys
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-19-2014, 09:56 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 183
Posted By 5wFisher
every junkie

everyone's trying
to knock me down
but i'm still standing
after fifteen rounds

i've drowned my sorrows
i've cursed tomorrow
i've made my stand
as a one man army
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-17-2014, 07:47 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 136
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it. good stuff

i like it. good stuff
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-16-2014, 08:05 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 248
Posted By 5wFisher
wow. i thought it was great. the ending really...

wow. i thought it was great. the ending really stood out to me. you have plenty to work from here. i would emphasize rephrasing the verses. maybe some more screams between the verses (to give it some...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-16-2014, 07:40 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 187
Posted By 5wFisher
time

please feel free to critique. C4C?

i open my eyes
but there's nowhere to climb
forever falling into the abyss
we all know as time

there is no bottom
there is no way out
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 09:26 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 250
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this piece. reminds me of middle school.

i enjoyed this piece. reminds me of middle school.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 12:01 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 519
Posted By 5wFisher
WotW: the jokes

the jokes are on me
have a drink while i rethink
my position

i'm up to my neck in politics
lunatics lick their lips
thinking i'll back down
into submission

but there's no quit in me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-09-2014, 04:37 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 297
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it too, it's just short. maybe you can...

i like it too, it's just short. maybe you can seperate this one verse into many different verses. for instance, the first four lines could be one verse and then if you wanted to lengthen it out you...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 108

 
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