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Search: Posts Made By: themarsvolta
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-11-2014, 08:40 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 207
Posted By themarsvolta
Teeter Totter

crit4crit
(The exercise/exorcise at the end are supposed to be interchangeable. Meaning either one would fit in that line. Didn't know how to type different words which supposed to be said at the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-01-2014, 02:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 241
Posted By themarsvolta
Hesperides Garden

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Atlas in Hesperides Garden
Nourished by golden apples of the gods
No world on his shoulder's how I feel
I'm in between dreams and life
When I hold you all night long

I once thought of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Techniques 05-07-2014, 01:05 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 809
Posted By themarsvolta
When it comes to the lyrics for progressive rock...

When it comes to the lyrics for progressive rock songs, just think of a theme and stick with it. When it comes to the music, knowing how to right shorter songs, as others have said, is your best...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-02-2014, 04:11 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 173
Posted By themarsvolta
Irrational Radiance

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IRRATIONAL RADIANCE

Life is not a rainbow path
That leads straight to a pot of gold
It's a rush hour traffic jam
With far too many tolls

Stained glass brilliance that glimpses in
A...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-18-2014, 04:22 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 281
Posted By themarsvolta
Not Sure What to Call This (Love)

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NOT SURE WHAT TO CALL THIS (LOVE)

I praise how you appraise me
Give my life so much value,
So for everything it's worth
I'd love to spend it with you.
My soul used to scream freedom
Like...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-24-2013, 06:10 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 383
Posted By themarsvolta
I loved the flow in this one. Smooth as hell. ...

I loved the flow in this one. Smooth as hell. Very concise, condensed piece. I really like how you were able to say so much without getting wordy. A sign of great songwriter in my opinion. ...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-21-2013, 05:50 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 516
Posted By themarsvolta
Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I love...

Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I love the way you created these characters. The piece really immerses you into its world. My only gripe is that the flow seems off to me, but it probably...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-16-2013, 05:44 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 440
Posted By themarsvolta
Putting the Hallow Back in Halloween

crit4crit

Skeletons in my closet
And spirits of former lovers
Are having conversations
With the creaking floorboards.
Judging every step I take
Tallying the sins I've commited
Funny that they think...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-17-2012, 06:34 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 366
Posted By themarsvolta
First of all, thank you for the crit, I...

First of all, thank you for the crit, I appreciate it. I enjoyed reading this piece, though I found the phrase "Master of the Universe" a bit cheesy. I don't know, it just reminds me of He-Man. ...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-17-2012, 03:27 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 332
Posted By themarsvolta
Paralysis

crit4crit
PARALYSIS

In a maze of flowery proses
You stop and smell the roses until
Their scent covers up the scench
Of Atlas's funeral pyre.
And after his cremation
Will you keep the globe in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-07-2012, 11:23 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 609
Posted By themarsvolta
Singing Heartfelt Songs in a Language That You Don't Understand

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SINGING HEARTFELT SONGS IN A LANGUAGE THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

It could be as simple as a concerto
Just a player and his piano,
Everything laid out in black and white
So easy to...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-19-2012, 05:23 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 493
Posted By themarsvolta
Thank you for the crit. I appreciate. Anyways,...

Thank you for the crit. I appreciate. Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this piece. I thought it was cool the way the words described the setting. My only gripe is that the piece gets too vague...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-19-2012, 04:17 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 485
Posted By themarsvolta
Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I really...

Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I really liked the build up in this piece. The ending stanza was great. Nice use of imagery. I liked that it wasn't too flowery; just the right amount of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-17-2012, 07:59 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 264
Posted By themarsvolta
Put in a Good Word for Me

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PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME

The Son says to the Father
"I'm not messiah; I'm more prodigal,"
Thus begins the awkward laughter
The kind that starts when nothing's comical.
"Well, Son, I'm no...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-09-2012, 04:13 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 385
Posted By themarsvolta
Quarter Machine Wedding Ring

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QUARTER MACHINE WEDDING RING

Never been a good dancer
Still I waltz around the issue
When you ask me what is wrong.
Even if I explained the answer
You still wouldn't understand it
And your...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-12-2012, 11:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 247
Posted By themarsvolta
Nooses Are Not Made For Bungee Jumping

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NOOSES ARE NOT MADE FOR BUNGEE JUMPING

She caught a rose bouquet at a wedding
But the insects deflowered every bud,
Stripped the sanctity from marriage
And stole the innocence from...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-05-2012, 04:18 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 359
Posted By themarsvolta
Dried Up Oasis

crit4crit
DRIED UP OASIS

Some people burn down every house
And pillage every town
On the way to the promised land;
After all the suffering and harm
They're greeted with open arms
And seated at God's...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-14-2012, 09:06 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 229
Posted By themarsvolta
Blue Sky Blues

crit4crit
BLUE SKY BLUES

They say love is in the air
Because spring is in bloom,
But the smell of flowers
Reminds me of a funeral.
I prefer how the world looks
During the wintertime,
'Cause it seems...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-23-2012, 04:54 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 333
Posted By themarsvolta
First of all thanks for the crit. I appreciate...

First of all thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. Secondly, yes this is sappy lol, but I enjoyed it. Probably because I can relate. The only thing I can suggest is to add more details. When I'm...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-22-2012, 04:25 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 182
Posted By themarsvolta
New Position

crit4crit
NEW POSITION

Unemployed and tired
Trying to find a new postion,
That won't hurt my back
On this wornout matress.
Turning and tossing at night
Trying to find the right spot,
On an empty bed
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-10-2012, 06:19 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 277
Posted By themarsvolta
I enjoyed reading this. I liked to sarcastic...

I enjoyed reading this. I liked to sarcastic tone ofthe flow was really good. My one complaint would have to be the "magical ship" stanza. It just didn't seem necessary and kind of weak in my...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-22-2012, 05:20 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 570
Posted By themarsvolta
Devotion

crit4crit
DEVOTION

I put you up on a pedestal
So high that now I can't reach you
Your hair's like autumn so I hope you fall
Like a leaf so I can catch you
On a matress stuffed with feathers
That the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-27-2012, 05:52 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 268
Posted By themarsvolta
I enjoyed all the imagery in this piece. Very...

I enjoyed all the imagery in this piece. Very descriptive and I'm a fan of pieces that paint mental images. Just a few suggestions though. The imagery is great, but there seems to be a lack of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-27-2012, 05:44 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 242
Posted By themarsvolta
I really enjoyed the tone of this piece. It has...

I really enjoyed the tone of this piece. It has a very Pink Floyd type vibe to it, in that it seems to be about someone on the brink of insanity. I think this piece could really benefit from some...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-25-2012, 06:57 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 298
Posted By themarsvolta
Triumvirate of Time

crit4crit
TRIUMVIRATE OF TIME

They want to keep me in the pound
Like I'm a hound from Hell,
But remember Cerberus
Is the greatest guard dog.
If it guards so vehemently
The nothingness in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-10-2012, 06:40 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 153
Posted By themarsvolta
No In Between

crit4crit
NO IN BETWEEN

All the good ones are taken
That's why I aim for greatness,
Taking shot with Tom Waits
You do drive-by's aimless.
I'm a jockey full of bourubon
On my high horse,
Kept it...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-08-2012, 07:42 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 446
Posted By themarsvolta
Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I really...

Thanks for the crit. I appreciate it. I really enjoyed reading this piece. There were only a couple things I didn't care. Not really a fan of the cigarette sentence. I don't know, anything to...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-07-2012, 09:43 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 236
Posted By themarsvolta
That Sinking Feeling

crit4crit
THAT SINKING FEELING

At the bottom of the ocean
Where the pressure's enough
To kill a man she spends
Her days searching for sunken treasure.
But it's so dark down there
She can't even see...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-22-2011, 11:33 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 180
Posted By themarsvolta
This Is Ridiculous

crit4crit
THIS IS RIDICULOUS

She saw the knife inside my heart
And carefully pulled it out,
Just so she could castrate me
And skin my sacred cow.
But cattle skin makes great drumheads
And bongos go...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-10-2011, 03:27 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 206
Posted By themarsvolta
Rhythm and Blues

crit4crit
RHYTHM AND BLUES

Don't have to kick the door down
Just jiggle the knob
Those that work the hardest
Have the easiest jobs
And he who brags, "Been there. Done that."
Really means nowhere...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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