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Search: Posts Made By: 5wFisher
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 11:45 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 221
Posted By 5wFisher
very compact. excellent diction. i like it!

very compact. excellent diction. i like it!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 11:40 PM
Replies: 4
You
Views: 241
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it. it's interesting enough (as it is) to...

i like it. it's interesting enough (as it is) to not need any further descriptions. well done
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2014, 02:04 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 343
Posted By 5wFisher
thanks. i do not have a chorus. i wrote the...

thanks. i do not have a chorus. i wrote the first two verses 4 years ago and the last three last week.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2014, 11:48 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 343
Posted By 5wFisher
politician

i have listless eyes
i have two busted hands
and he's only seen me
as a slave at his commands

my hands work
for the man of your dreams
collapse's on the horizon
for the child of his greed
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-22-2014, 09:05 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 368
Posted By 5wFisher
short but interesting. good work!

short but interesting. good work!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-21-2014, 09:11 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 232
Posted By 5wFisher
good read. thanks!

good read. thanks!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-10-2014, 01:04 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 196
Posted By 5wFisher
hang my hat

"i've got nowhere to hang my hat
no love to run to"

i sit here and watch the sun
fade at daybreak
another mistake
another broken heart

what's left for me?
a vacant lot
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-06-2014, 05:12 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 279
Posted By 5wFisher
love is war

between us lies
the battle ground
i always come out wounded

in the trenches
bodies lay mangled
the past is never
far behind
even on the brightest days
she is still entangled
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-26-2014, 05:55 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 234
Posted By 5wFisher
start a fire

start a fire
that's where i'd start
lover her for today
cause you don't know
when she'll part

tell me, clouds
what's price you pay
to make it rain?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-18-2014, 08:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 163
Posted By 5wFisher
politics

lie after lie
time after time
all i know now
is politics

bred in hate
for money to be made
i see evil
everywhere
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-17-2014, 04:59 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 442
Posted By 5wFisher
i really enjoyed this

i really enjoyed this
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2014, 04:55 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 219
Posted By 5wFisher
this has potential. good work

this has potential. good work
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-27-2014, 07:13 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 226
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this. i thought you could end it after...

i enjoyed this. i thought you could end it after "palm of his hand".
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-27-2014, 12:07 AM
Replies: 19
Views: 1,186
Posted By 5wFisher
good stuff. i like the whole song. keep up the...

good stuff. i like the whole song. keep up the good work!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-21-2014, 08:24 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 258
Posted By 5wFisher
i found the third verse to be repetitive. tell me...

i found the third verse to be repetitive. tell me more about the day. personal problems or more adjectives to describe the setting other than the sky. i think there's potential though
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:54 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 379
Posted By 5wFisher
it almost seem confessional. i think there's...

it almost seem confessional. i think there's potential for a song but the transitions from line to line or verse to verse seem odd. that's all i got. good work
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:50 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 277
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this one too. the third stanza was...

i enjoyed this one too. the third stanza was really strong to me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-20-2014, 08:18 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 511
Posted By 5wFisher
my pleasure. thank you for this you guys

my pleasure. thank you for this you guys
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-19-2014, 09:56 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 174
Posted By 5wFisher
every junkie

everyone's trying
to knock me down
but i'm still standing
after fifteen rounds

i've drowned my sorrows
i've cursed tomorrow
i've made my stand
as a one man army
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-17-2014, 07:47 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 131
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it. good stuff

i like it. good stuff
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-16-2014, 08:05 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 244
Posted By 5wFisher
wow. i thought it was great. the ending really...

wow. i thought it was great. the ending really stood out to me. you have plenty to work from here. i would emphasize rephrasing the verses. maybe some more screams between the verses (to give it some...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-16-2014, 07:40 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 178
Posted By 5wFisher
time

please feel free to critique. C4C?

i open my eyes
but there's nowhere to climb
forever falling into the abyss
we all know as time

there is no bottom
there is no way out
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 09:26 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 243
Posted By 5wFisher
i enjoyed this piece. reminds me of middle school.

i enjoyed this piece. reminds me of middle school.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 12:01 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 511
Posted By 5wFisher
WotW: the jokes

the jokes are on me
have a drink while i rethink
my position

i'm up to my neck in politics
lunatics lick their lips
thinking i'll back down
into submission

but there's no quit in me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-09-2014, 04:37 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 289
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it too, it's just short. maybe you can...

i like it too, it's just short. maybe you can seperate this one verse into many different verses. for instance, the first four lines could be one verse and then if you wanted to lengthen it out you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-07-2014, 02:26 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 217
Posted By 5wFisher
one man army

changed the chorus and added a verse. any feedback is appreciated
:peace:

everybody's trying
to knock me down
but i'm still standing
after fifteen rounds

keep pounding the bottle
i'm going full...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-07-2014, 01:40 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 279
Posted By 5wFisher
good overall but you need more...

good overall but you need more...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-05-2014, 06:39 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 461
Posted By 5wFisher
i like it. the rhyming didn't seem forced. have...

i like it. the rhyming didn't seem forced. have you put music to the lyrics?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-20-2014, 10:26 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 291
Posted By 5wFisher
baby breathe

cars screamed out your name
as you passed by
i'd swore you were dead
somehow you survived

half of me
still doesn't care
don't you see
i'm split in two
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-13-2014, 04:17 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 175
Posted By 5wFisher
bossman

boss yells at me
all day and night
there ain't nothing i can do
to put up a fight
he laughs when i'm waking up
in the morning light
i've tried through and through
but he's won't treat me right
no,...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 104

 
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