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Search: Posts Made By: hippieboy444
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Yesterday, 03:18 PM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
i'm really sorry to hear all this. people are...

i'm really sorry to hear all this. people are really confusing and great and flawed. but it is always good to gain experience and to learn from them - that's really the joy of being alive, to figure...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-11-2014, 12:12 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 316
Posted By hippieboy444
yeah, i feel this. i wasn't sure how to draw this...

yeah, i feel this. i wasn't sure how to draw this piece to a close.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 11:08 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 316
Posted By hippieboy444
i kind of regret responding to him in the first...

i kind of regret responding to him in the first place.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 09:42 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 316
Posted By hippieboy444
mike - if you knew anything about this particular...

mike - if you knew anything about this particular forum, you would know that many people post poetry here. in fact, all of the regulars in the community thread predominantly write poetry. i wouldn't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 09:36 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 211
Posted By hippieboy444
this is really nice. i love all the images you...

this is really nice. i love all the images you have and how this progresses. but i would say that the images could be more cohesive; after you introduce more, perhaps you could develop it better. the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 01:25 PM
Replies: 14
Views: 316
Posted By hippieboy444
these aren't lyrics; that's rather self-evident....

these aren't lyrics; that's rather self-evident. please don't read any of my pieces in the future if your critiques are like this one here.

thanks to those of you with more thoughtful critiques.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 12:20 AM
Replies: 14
Views: 316
Posted By hippieboy444
katy perry

or "would you fu/ck katy perry if you had the chance?"

this is rough.

on the cover of cosmo,
katy perry stands elegant and long
her arms raised,
a right hand hidden behind her head
with the left...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-09-2014, 01:23 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 157
Posted By hippieboy444
to clarify, i dont mean necessarily critiquing...

to clarify, i dont mean necessarily critiquing the words without the melody, etc; more the phrasing and the flow of the words. i wasn't clear in my original post.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-09-2014, 12:26 AM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
i saw an American Football 2xLP at a record store...

i saw an American Football 2xLP at a record store this weekend. so weird to think i could not have ever found that album in a store just a year ago - now it's a double record.

the arrival of emo is...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 06:24 PM
Replies: 4
You
Views: 176
Posted By hippieboy444
surprised this hasnt gotten more attention. i...

surprised this hasnt gotten more attention. i don't like that first line (maybe i'm just not a big fan of pies), but the last three lines are quite nice. they could perhaps use more enjambment or...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 06:21 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 157
Posted By hippieboy444
this is pretty decent. it has its moments. i...

this is pretty decent. it has its moments. i think there a few places to check: the first kind of chorus stanza could be less bloated ("the rigmarole..."). it is not only a bit wordy (not literally,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 06:14 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 148
Posted By hippieboy444
this is a strong work. all the images fit...

this is a strong work. all the images fit together quite well and it flows within itself. as the above said, the ending was great. only thing i have to offer is that i dislike the title, it gives...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-08-2014, 06:11 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 157
Posted By hippieboy444
i like this. quite a nice read. only small things...

i like this. quite a nice read. only small things i have to offer is that i didn't like the capital at the beginning of each of line, and some more punctuation could help in places.

thanks for...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-03-2014, 09:33 AM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
you prefer Ares Vallis to June Highs? I haven't...

you prefer Ares Vallis to June Highs? I haven't listened much to Ares Vailles but i def find June Highs more precise and cohesive. I pre-ordered their new EP on cassette too!

Lots of good bands in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-02-2014, 11:35 PM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
yo, so i'm not sure how tolerated promoting is of...

yo, so i'm not sure how tolerated promoting is of other things on this forum (? risking a ban ??), but Toasted Plastic are going on tour in a few days and i highly recommend trying to hear them if...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-02-2014, 11:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 194
Posted By hippieboy444
this reminds me a charlie kaufman screenplay...

this reminds me a charlie kaufman screenplay (interesting parallel to the discussion in the community thread): it is seemingly disjointed, blurring times and spaces but it fits together all the same....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-27-2014, 09:11 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 211
Posted By hippieboy444
i like the overall arc to this. much of what...

i like the overall arc to this. much of what you're alluding to is good, but how you're saying it could be cleaned up. to me, the image of each stanza could be developed much more. i particularly...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2014, 09:42 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 233
Posted By hippieboy444
yeah this looks way better in classic.

yeah this looks way better in classic.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2014, 09:41 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 233
Posted By hippieboy444
goddamn it's hard to read dark green (dark...

goddamn it's hard to read dark green (dark green?) on black! maybe iu need to use UG classic.

anyway, brevity is tough to pull off and here i think you could develop more. i like how this ends, but...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2014, 09:39 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 183
Posted By hippieboy444
the third part of this is great, the images are...

the third part of this is great, the images are so unexpected and grave. i didnt care for the first two as much - the rhymes in the first felt forced (to me anyway; i usually dislike rhyming,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-25-2014, 11:22 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 489
Posted By hippieboy444
how does this only have two responses? t

how does this only have two responses? t
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-24-2014, 06:34 PM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
IPAs and imperial IPAs are certainly my favorite...

IPAs and imperial IPAs are certainly my favorite style, but i enjoy nearly all well-brewed beer. i really love Founders and Great Lakes, in terms of 'local' brews. i recently had Stone's Saison,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-24-2014, 01:02 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 231
Posted By hippieboy444
yeah, there are parts i'm definitely wanting to...

yeah, there are parts i'm definitely wanting to revise. i am not sure if one puts their hand upon their heart during "o canada"? anyone know about this?

thanks/.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-24-2014, 09:13 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 231
Posted By hippieboy444
the archangel Michael killing satan

if i could find
the key to
your heart, dear,
it would be better than
christmas, all the christmases
i have lived through; and,,
and the birthdays, too;

it would be more surprising
and noble than
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2014, 06:32 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 355
Posted By hippieboy444
i wanted to limit myself simply for the...

i wanted to limit myself simply for the challenge. i wanted to try and see how muych i could capture in 4 lines.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-22-2014, 10:41 PM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
yeah, i lift! i love it. i am more interested in...

yeah, i lift! i love it. i am more interested in powerlifting. of course, i'm a weak pussy so i've got a long ways to go.

i dont what to say about self esteem. i like you, you are a good guy. i...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-22-2014, 06:59 PM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,491
Posted By hippieboy444
like angrygoldfish says, dont listen to people on...

like angrygoldfish says, dont listen to people on the internet. people who hide behind usernames and keyboards are cowardly and not worth your worry. they represent the worst of humanity, if at all...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-22-2014, 06:11 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 355
Posted By hippieboy444
i'm not sure how i feel about this. i was trying...

i'm not sure how i feel about this. i was trying to limit myself to 4 lines and to express the belongingless-ness. a sort of alienation from place. i am not sure this is successful.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-19-2014, 07:46 PM
Replies: 4
09
Views: 294
Posted By hippieboy444
this is really a nice read. it seems more...

this is really a nice read. it seems more balanced and tempered than tapeworm in its experimentation.

i think what struck me the most was how coherent the imagery was, and yet how surprisingly and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-19-2014, 07:40 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 424
Posted By hippieboy444
i really dont like the abundance of =s. to me,...

i really dont like the abundance of =s. to me, the piece could be even more effective if the = space was empty. perhaps i am mistaken.

i think some of the grammar could be more jarring, but only in...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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