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Search: Posts Made By: Jammydude44
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-03-2015, 08:58 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 575
Posted By Jammydude44
I think my main issue with this in the transition...

I think my main issue with this in the transition from the "they say" to the "if we're all". Because they don't call and respond to each other coherently.

Nothing above the line "if we're all in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-03-2015, 08:48 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 327
Posted By Jammydude44
Sorrrry not on board with this one, I've always...

Sorrrry not on board with this one, I've always preferred you when you're passionately throwing down shapes on the dance floor rather than over-choreographed ballet. You'll impress with minimalism...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-03-2015, 08:41 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 216
Posted By Jammydude44
Victoria

hold, hold me close
I must be toast
just hanging on
by my fingerprints, I'm nearly gone

drag me up, to your level I beg
I can't see the bottom and it's scaring me to death

oh Victoria I know
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-18-2015, 08:21 AM
Replies: 2,248
Views: 102,020
Posted By Jammydude44
Anyone been/are a fan of 'Friends' the TV show?...

Anyone been/are a fan of 'Friends' the TV show? My masters project is on sitcom fandom, so I'm looking to get in touch with any avid viewers.

Feel free to get in touch if it sounds like you :)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-15-2015, 10:02 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 235
Posted By Jammydude44
Absolutely

absolutely, yes I do
continue to think about you
I try to switch the channel
but it looks like my batteries are dead

absolutely, yes I will
write about if as if I were ill
but the diagnosis is all...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-05-2015, 06:04 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 436
Posted By Jammydude44
DDD&D

down, deeper deeper and down

sayonara, she said
I pretended I was dead
ketchup oozing from the back of my head
oh I was dead, man

see you later, she meant
those words I didn't bend
no I didn't bend...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-29-2015, 07:35 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 394
Posted By Jammydude44
Aurora

I feel their eyes
see their knives
go back inside

draw another day
the blacks and greys
default today

aurora
waiting for the sky to dance
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-23-2015, 06:04 AM
Replies: 2,248
Views: 102,020
Posted By Jammydude44
Hope you're well :cheers:

Hope you're well :cheers:
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-21-2015, 05:49 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 289
Posted By Jammydude44
Despair in the Midnight Air

he fiddled with the wrapper of a twix
counting the minutes until you would arrive
he might have been a bit shy
but give him time, I'm sure he'll be alright

he faffed about with his hair do
in the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-07-2015, 10:36 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 444
Posted By Jammydude44
Bunny Ears

You sit and spec the construct over
fine food, wine. Wonder if the wiki
on male grooming was a waste of time,
split atoms with your heart beat
vibrato like a big issue busker
focusing on grime. An...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-22-2015, 04:03 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 272
Posted By Jammydude44
A nice little line that isn't overly developed....

A nice little line that isn't overly developed. Everything else either side needs a fair bit of salt and pepper at least - and the endings is pretty juvenile - but I'm a fan of 'slip on my sticky...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-22-2015, 03:59 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 191
Posted By Jammydude44
Barstool

there's a twist upon the gilded eve
one that flits and smirks right up your sleeve
and slips on out, with sleight of hand
I never had a doubt you came prepared with such perception

no concrete vibes...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-22-2015, 03:23 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 430
Posted By Jammydude44
I suggested presenting your ideas in a more...

I suggested presenting your ideas in a more unique, personal vision. The use of cliche can be substituted for something more unique that tells us your personal story in a way we haven't heard before...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2015, 05:31 PM
Replies: 2,248
Views: 102,020
Posted By Jammydude44
Noice one son.

Noice one son.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2015, 05:29 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 430
Posted By Jammydude44
You're clearly adept at the form of songwriting....

You're clearly adept at the form of songwriting. But I would direct you to look at some of the word and phrases you are selecting to use, and ask yourself if they really provide your unique view on...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2015, 05:26 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 232
Posted By Jammydude44
For me this reads a little bit like you had an...

For me this reads a little bit like you had an ending line or idea and tried to cajole the rest of the piece out of it. I think what might be best addressed here is to focus on the formal aspects -...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2015, 05:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 461
Posted By Jammydude44
The Curtain's Gap

you chew the meaning of your words
that drip upon the so-absurd
canvas you've got, to scrawl down your imagination's hands
but not the detail of your knuckles

we obfuscate the the basic...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2015, 05:35 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 398
Posted By Jammydude44
Like a fine wine. Edit: Mike just read your...

Like a fine wine.

Edit: Mike just read your other piece on the previous page '...Exquise', didn't want to bump. Top drawer. You curse like a pro.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2015, 05:32 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 347
Posted By Jammydude44
Hey Jimi. I think this needs a bit more form....

Hey Jimi. I think this needs a bit more form. It's got this slow-drawl ramble to it, which is the S&L way but I think there's opportunity here to trim, resize and most importantly reshape. I really...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2015, 05:24 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 411
Posted By Jammydude44
I would invest a little more energy in trying to...

I would invest a little more energy in trying to portray these ideas with the old fashioned mantra, show not tell. A lot of this is a little to word-for-word description of an emotional state. I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2015, 05:19 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 519
Posted By Jammydude44
I would argue this is a little bland. I think in...

I would argue this is a little bland. I think in particular you tend to choose relatively safe and uninspiring visions of how you see the world. Phrases like "calm before the storm" and "tall tales"...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2015, 05:12 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 258
Posted By Jammydude44
The Scissors

you've got that invisible ring on your finger
so I won't linger but I might grab a glance
though in amongst all the ritz and the rubble
it looks like you're preparing to dance

baby I'm forever...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-02-2015, 10:20 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 428
Posted By Jammydude44
Different Towns

you made your point
what can I say?
you made your point as clear as day
I got shot down
you got het up
I played the fool and king at once
which ****ed it up

and it's all over now and there's not...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-29-2015, 07:12 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 382
Posted By Jammydude44
Worlds Apart

remember when we used to feel
we were in charge of gravity
and we'd decide how the planets aligned
and how the tides would turn at sea

now we're poles apart, and you're an afterthought
(I'm running...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2015, 08:09 PM
Replies: 1,594
Views: 103,836
Posted By Jammydude44
I still think you should get shot of the two sub...

I still think you should get shot of the two sub forums and run monthly contests through the main forum as a sticky, and also open up the rules to allow lyric writing discussion. Like, yeah.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2015, 07:38 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 372
Posted By Jammydude44
Your Heart Will Feel So Damn Sore

I can't take back my love
but I can take away my hand
I won't take your melodies
but I'll take away the band

and you'll be sitting on the sofa
and your heart will feel so damn sore

I can't take...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-04-2015, 04:10 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 393
Posted By Jammydude44
Out by the Exit

I pocketed the notion, quick on the uptake
as per usual - talk slow, low, on the side
and resist the temptation to flick a pupil
her way. The air thickened into slag, each
psychic wave held in molten...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-02-2015, 05:29 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 271
Posted By Jammydude44
Centre Stage

it takes a tick for you to fib
and rob the moment of it's fizz
a sentence hangs upon your lip
but it never drops

inaudible the truth it creeps
from the corner of your eye it seeps
into your double...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-21-2015, 02:48 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 571
Posted By Jammydude44
Frustratingly, grasping for meaning in the...

Frustratingly, grasping for meaning in the universal alongside the recognition of the more ordinary local seems to recur a lot in your work, and I've always found you far more interesting when you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-21-2015, 02:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 347
Posted By Jammydude44
Red Hair

you always had the kind of eyes that were more intrigued by the novel
than what was new yesterday
preferred my cheek to be covered in stubble than have your lips slip straight off my face
you got...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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