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Search: Posts Made By: Bag'ed
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-29-2013, 07:42 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 269
Posted By Bag'ed
This is trite, and has been done before thousands...

This is trite, and has been done before thousands of times. We know how easy it is to miss someone, we've all done it. But what did YOU feel when missing her? What feelings were specific to you? That...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-29-2013, 06:04 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 325
Posted By Bag'ed
I never really know what to say with pieces such...

I never really know what to say with pieces such as yours, Rushmores, vintage x metal and such. I always really enjoy them but can never offer anything constructive. I'd feel too presumptuous; these...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-29-2013, 05:57 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 179
Posted By Bag'ed
At Last, An Atlas (W.I.P)

Its been a while since I've posted or indeed written anything. I'm up for posting feedback on your stuff if you leave me a link, I'll put some thought into and all.


Born from lust, into wrath
I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-07-2012, 11:11 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 436
Posted By Bag'ed
I was going to ask the same question, but with...

I was going to ask the same question, but with James Joyce instead.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-05-2012, 07:27 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 607
Posted By Bag'ed
Yes, 100%. I haven't used UG in a long time,...

Yes, 100%.

I haven't used UG in a long time, and its pieces like this that remind you why its worth it. Would it be ironic to say I feel like you're beyond your years?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-05-2012, 07:21 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 375
Posted By Bag'ed
This is a very anxious piece. Literally, I think...

This is a very anxious piece. Literally, I think its about anxiety itself and if it is, then you've done a fair job at depicting it. A couple of qualms I have with this is the swearing at the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-05-2012, 01:55 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 168
Posted By Bag'ed
Defiance, not Compliance

Throwing this one out there too. As I said in the other post (presuming you saw it), comment and you SHALL get a comment back.

This is a song, so the change in flow is because of the song, I'm sorry...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-05-2012, 01:46 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 199
Posted By Bag'ed
See More Glass

Attempting to flex the writing muscles again now I've got a bit of time. Comment and I'll happily comment back, cheers.


I heard as time goes by, that time goes slow
This hasn't worked so swell for...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-10-2012, 09:39 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 489
Posted By Bag'ed
Alienist

Leave me a link in the comment you leave, I'll comment on whatever you like.
This is a song, not a poem.

Nightwatchmen
Can this wait till the morning?
I learnt not run and began contorting.

All...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-13-2012, 11:06 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 234
Posted By Bag'ed
Thats Fair Enough, but You Know What I Mean?

Crit for crit, favours for favours.

These are lyrics to a song.


Instead of escape,
we tread paths unsignposted.
The habits you've embraced
are key to your components.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-21-2011, 01:42 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 163
Posted By Bag'ed
Two things are very fitting; the comments left...

Two things are very fitting;

the comments left revolve around having a wank

and a line from the piece

"Tired from countless rhetoric"

This is topic covered over and over, using the same cliched...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-21-2011, 12:51 AM
Replies: 1,892
Views: 60,811
Posted By Bag'ed
Ganoosh, that sounds HORRIBLE. You are completely...

Ganoosh, that sounds HORRIBLE. You are completely right about natural talent; some people just know how to carve out a a niche in the craft (the winner of this months WotM is a good example) whereas...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-14-2011, 10:45 PM
Replies: 1,892
Views: 60,811
Posted By Bag'ed
House of Leaves sounds pretty interesting, might...

House of Leaves sounds pretty interesting, might have to give it a read. Read Lolita by Nabokov though, his word choice is just brilliant. I was going to read Despair, but I've left it for...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-13-2011, 11:51 PM
Replies: 1,892
Views: 60,811
Posted By Bag'ed
Thats weird, I was thinking about doing the same...

Thats weird, I was thinking about doing the same thing with The Brothers Karamazov just today, though I think I'm going to read Despair by Nabokov first.

For some reason I'm hooked on Russian...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-13-2011, 06:46 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 355
Posted By Bag'ed
It wasn't really a crit, but thats OK. What I...

It wasn't really a crit, but thats OK. What I meant was that to me you seem to be lacking a clear meaning here, but you've got the style down well.

But I could be wrong, our minds work differently...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-13-2011, 12:56 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 355
Posted By Bag'ed
I'm unsure why this has gone unnoticed? It flows...

I'm unsure why this has gone unnoticed? It flows very well, you've got some good imagery and basically ticks all the boxes to make a solid piece.

I'd say what you're lacking in is proper substance....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-13-2011, 12:51 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 354
Posted By Bag'ed
I'm sorry, but I thought this was poor. And thats...

I'm sorry, but I thought this was poor. And thats being mild. Think of songs you like, go and look ast the way they're structured and try and emulate them. It will get you used to the fundamentals of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-12-2011, 12:58 AM
Replies: 70
Views: 9,380
Posted By Bag'ed
Song from Under the Floorboards by Magazine. Some...

Song from Under the Floorboards by Magazine. Some of the finest lyrics to grace my ears.


I am angry I am ill and I'm as ugly as sin
my irritability keeps me alive and kicking
I know the meaning of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-12-2011, 12:43 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 166
Posted By Bag'ed
Her Daily Male (revised, still WIP)

Critforcrit ect. I must remind some that as always, this is a SONG. Not a poem. It does seem jerky and whathaveyou but different parts are repeated in places, and it didn't seem right repeating...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-12-2011, 12:14 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 344
Posted By Bag'ed
Quite tired, some lines are forced but for your...

Quite tired, some lines are forced but for your first go, its not bad. I don't if your tongue was in your cheek but I have to say I laughed aloud at

The government want power
and to see a nation...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-11-2011, 11:55 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 951
Posted By Bag'ed
That'd be good. Great, even. It wouldn't have to...

That'd be good. Great, even. It wouldn't have to be long, I think my problem is my approach and temperament to writing and I'd like to see where writers that I appreciate on here are coming from....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-11-2011, 10:23 PM
Replies: 34
Views: 951
Posted By Bag'ed
Agreed, 100%. Nothing else I can add to that. My...

Agreed, 100%. Nothing else I can add to that. My only gripe though -and its certainly selfish- I wish I could have a proper conversation with some of the more polished writers about how to do certain...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-02-2011, 02:52 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 328
Posted By Bag'ed
Yeah, everyone seems to have pointed out whats...

Yeah, everyone seems to have pointed out whats wrong with this, just boring and plain.

However if spelling is your thing how come you've spelt your username wrong?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-02-2011, 09:50 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 269
Posted By Bag'ed
Thanks for taking the time man but two...

Thanks for taking the time man but two things:

You say avoid using punctuation in poetry altogether, then go on to suggest using a chorus? From where I stand, songs and poems are different things....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2011, 11:18 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 269
Posted By Bag'ed
@Winter: I agree. I'm glad you remember too. But...

@Winter: I agree. I'm glad you remember too. But I'm just starting up again and for me, you set the standard (that might sound weird) but I compare myself to your writing style and whilst I don't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2011, 09:15 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 212
Posted By Bag'ed
Hmmm. I'm not sure what to make of this. You seem...

Hmmm. I'm not sure what to make of this. You seem like you're trying to be florid in your vocabulary and it sort of works, but in some parts fall flat. Example:

just me and the close proximity;...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 11:39 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 347
Posted By Bag'ed
I agree.. I wasn't going to comment because I...

I agree.. I wasn't going to comment because I don't feel like I can say anything constructive.

I don't think I took a breath reading this though, from start to finish,
literally "breathtaking".
( i...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 11:29 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 269
Posted By Bag'ed
Our Britain, nowadays (WIP)

CRIT4CRIT ISMISMISM

Slowly I start to see,
The poor will work for free.
The rich and patient get educated,
and we'll serve their needs.

When did it become wrong,
to keep on asking questions?
Today...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 11:20 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 318
Posted By Bag'ed
I always used to like reading your stuff, doesn't...

I always used to like reading your stuff, doesn't seem like long ago but it was a good few months.

You certainly have carved yourself a style which you ought to be proud. It may be that I could...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 11:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 197
Posted By Bag'ed
Like Winter said, this isn't as strong as other...

Like Winter said, this isn't as strong as other pieces I've read from you. You usually have a very distinct voice, but in this piece its been lost to your rhyme scheme.

You do have a few good lines,...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 214

 
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