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Search: Posts Made By: Cyclones41
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-23-2014, 06:27 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 156
Posted By Cyclones41
You know I actually really like this. I used to...

You know I actually really like this. I used to hate short pieces, because they always left me wanting. But I've grown to appreciate ones like these--ones that, while short, still relay a message...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-23-2014, 06:19 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 61
Posted By Cyclones41
Dear...,

Before tonight, I’d never written a love letter.
Before tonight I tried to ink my love to you, but a
lover does not love make, so instead I wrote fear.
I wrote the fear of being alone
and the fear of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-30-2014, 02:39 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 241
Posted By Cyclones41
vocoderboy: yes, as in deli, but it's a...

vocoderboy: yes, as in deli, but it's a restaurant that spells it Delly. :) I almost spelled it wrong, because I wanted to spell it right...if that makes sense, lol. thanks for the positive...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-30-2014, 01:05 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 241
Posted By Cyclones41
College Delly

I will critique back, of course. Here's a link to the audio:

https://soundcloud.com/brett-rae-1/college-delly-1

It's a bumpy road I'm walkin' on
one day I'm here, and the next I'm gone
I don't know...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-15-2013, 02:37 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 240
Posted By Cyclones41
^ yep. Loved it.

^ yep. Loved it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-13-2013, 02:03 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 266
Posted By Cyclones41
Nameless

Dear friend I can no longer name,

You were the first friend I had that asked me questions and waited around for the answer.
You were the first friend I had that woke me up long before I was ready...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-07-2013, 04:06 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 700
Posted By Cyclones41
Thanks for the welcome back, Andre! Glad to be...

Thanks for the welcome back, Andre! Glad to be back posting/reading. Okay, I really like the first section. I thought it ended with a punch, which is excellent. I think the second and third stanzas...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-07-2013, 03:59 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 289
Posted By Cyclones41
This was hard to read because there didn't seem...

This was hard to read because there didn't seem to be a very consistent flow with it. It was also super simple--which I normally like--but it could stand to have some imagery. The topic is one that's...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-07-2013, 03:46 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 263
Posted By Cyclones41
On the Shores

I remember checking my mail and finding a picture of a man and his sand sculpture. “It reminded me of you,” was all you had written. Back then I took it as a compliment; as a cute sign of hope that...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-06-2013, 05:57 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 338
Posted By Cyclones41
Jimi, you always have a way of taking something...

Jimi, you always have a way of taking something average and making it beautiful. I loved this. I stumbled a bit (every time I read this--which was about 5 times) over, "but the body, once removed,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-04-2013, 11:02 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 435
Posted By Cyclones41
Indiana

I'll return critiques, as always.

i.
I never liked the color green, tea, or recycling. That is, until you told me those were all of your favorite things. A day passed after you had disclosed your...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-25-2013, 06:16 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 295
Posted By Cyclones41
I'm from Iowa, so this was particularly...

I'm from Iowa, so this was particularly intriguing to me, but man, this made me feel so many feels. The only thing that stuck out on first read was the "of one day and one day." The repetition felt...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-18-2013, 10:20 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 343
Posted By Cyclones41
Wholly Yours

I hardly ever write songs anymore. But I've written a couple in the past two days. This is the one I wrote this afternoon, so it's still a little rough. Here's the link to listen:...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-21-2012, 01:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 381
Posted By Cyclones41
To be honest, I didn't like this. It was my first...

To be honest, I didn't like this. It was my first time reading it, but I felt like I had read it all before, you know? The imagery and rhyme schemes have all been used up--i.e., face the truth, or...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-21-2012, 01:38 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 278
Posted By Cyclones41
This read a bit awkward to me. The two uses of...

This read a bit awkward to me. The two uses of "ever" in the last line was repetitive. The first line felt disjointed from the rest of it, and "with someone with your..." doesn't really make...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-19-2012, 02:59 PM
Replies: 2,026
Views: 64,892
Posted By Cyclones41
I'm super slow to the party, but Dylan! You go to...

I'm super slow to the party, but Dylan! You go to UTS?? That's awesome. I have a couple friends up there. They produce good stuff. I'm on track to go to Duke for my MDiv next fall.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-10-2012, 01:17 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 693
Posted By Cyclones41
Sorry for your loss, Andre. I agree with Kyle,...

Sorry for your loss, Andre. I agree with Kyle, though. I much prefer this one to Coma. This is quality work, man. Congrats on WOTW.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-05-2012, 11:55 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 446
Posted By Cyclones41
This piece felt somewhat disjointed to me. Like,...

This piece felt somewhat disjointed to me. Like, I like the big middle chunks, but not with the beginning and end. The beginning and end aren't bad, I just don't like them with this middle. It's good...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-05-2012, 11:51 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 927
Posted By Cyclones41
I someday hope to be good enough to get something...

I someday hope to be good enough to get something so meaningful out in so few of lines. You are good, Jimi. I love this.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2012, 06:03 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 380
Posted By Cyclones41
Thanks, man. I wondered about all of the things...

Thanks, man. I wondered about all of the things you brought up, haha. The reason I switched it from narrative is because I'm unsure about what to do with pronouns in the last stanza. Would it seem...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2012, 05:14 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 380
Posted By Cyclones41
A Letter Home

Rip it apart. You know the drill.

"Again! Again!"
It's the voice of the 3-year-old
girl with pigtails being lifted over and over
again by the hands that clasp hers.
She never grows tired of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-19-2012, 12:08 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 625
Posted By Cyclones41
The only thing I didn't like about this was the...

The only thing I didn't like about this was the "**** your face" part. The rest is perfect. I had the same thoughts as Kyle.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-19-2012, 11:57 AM
Replies: 11
Views: 381
Posted By Cyclones41
Jesus I love your writing. This is really, really...

Jesus I love your writing. This is really, really solid work man. (P.S. Your novel is really good so far, too!)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-17-2012, 03:57 PM
Replies: 2,026
Views: 64,892
Posted By Cyclones41
Something_Vague, I cannot remember your name, but...

Something_Vague, I cannot remember your name, but I want in on that!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-17-2012, 12:18 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 384
Posted By Cyclones41
Dylan, I'm with Zanas. I didn't like the first...

Dylan, I'm with Zanas. I didn't like the first stanza. It read like a rushed ots. But the second stanza was so brilliant and powerful.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-17-2012, 12:12 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 411
Posted By Cyclones41
Alright. I've read through this one a few times,...

Alright. I've read through this one a few times, and I like it pretty well. The "autopsy" part doesn't bother me, in fact the first time I read it my response was, "oohh, clever." So I wouldn't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-16-2012, 10:06 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 229
Posted By Cyclones41
That was the line I was iffy about too. I felt...

That was the line I was iffy about too. I felt like I was forcing it. I'm working on a new piece of prose right now, so hopefully that means I'm out of my writers block, in which case, hell yeah I'll...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-16-2012, 08:52 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 229
Posted By Cyclones41
Doors

I'm ba-aack. You know the drill. You can hear this at: https://soundcloud.com/brett-rae-1/doors

Every little compartment of our lives has a door, and the closet is the worst.
Thousands of people...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-16-2012, 08:44 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 218
Posted By Cyclones41
Go ahead and post it! I have been for years and...

Go ahead and post it! I have been for years and have never been in trouble for it. Thanks for checking the rules out, though.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-19-2012, 11:05 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 676
Posted By Cyclones41
I think this has a lot of potential, but I don't...

I think this has a lot of potential, but I don't think it's quite there yet. I haven't been around as much because school started (I am rushing to class right now) but I will come back to give you a...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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