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Search: Posts Made By: greyeyedfire
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 12:24 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 146
Posted By greyeyedfire
Very OTS

Fair warning, this is drunk OTS

I spent the night drinking alone
with my new imaginary friend
telling her all about my problems
she doesn't get pissed off like my real girlfriend does
I told her how...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-05-2014, 11:56 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 180
Posted By greyeyedfire
Like a Good Irishman

The building burned down around me
and I just sat in the flames
quietly breathing smoke
with a good whiskey
to compliment the taste
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 09:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 220
Posted By greyeyedfire
Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves....

Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves. I find it holds you back from what you really wanted to say. This piece is fine (I vote to leave the extra stanza out), but next time you write,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 10:06 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 177
Posted By greyeyedfire
Cheeks

I laid my head down
next to the valkyrie's wings
while I traced the outline

furry and heavy
my battle angels are more
beautiful than most

why do you draw them
so furry, not feathery ?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2013, 08:05 PM
Replies: 4
asd
Views: 238
Posted By greyeyedfire
asd

My doctor says
I'm a puzzle piece
Madii says
I'm a puzzle piece of clear blue sky
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:14 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 317
Posted By greyeyedfire
This part

This part
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:09 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 295
Posted By greyeyedfire
Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery...

Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery and philosophical comments, but goes all over the place and lacks a strength. Try cutting back on a lot of words. Not necessarily in a minimalist...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-24-2013, 02:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 393
Posted By greyeyedfire
I Fear I May Have Missed a Foot or Two

There was a time when Madii told me all
about her dreams, her fears, her favorite things
I ruined it
now I can only listen to her sleep
fearing the things she dreams of me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-29-2013, 01:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 359
Posted By greyeyedfire
..... ....... .....

Somewhere, she mistook
me for a good example
and followed me home
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-30-2012, 08:53 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 219
Posted By greyeyedfire
Bored On My Favorite Holiday

We just laid there and watched the sky
her looking for the beauty in every star
me too scared to breathe
because it might set her off
and ruin the new year
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-05-2012, 10:06 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 246
Posted By greyeyedfire
Speechless

Moving around furniture
to make room for carpentry projects with my father
places for friends to sit and watch tv
even vacuumed the carpet
so the girlfriend can come home to a clean apartment

I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-18-2012, 05:54 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 310
Posted By greyeyedfire
You still are one of the most talented writers...

You still are one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-04-2012, 02:27 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 279
Posted By greyeyedfire
Better ?

Better ?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-04-2012, 12:19 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 279
Posted By greyeyedfire
Flower

http://i.imgur.com/VYacJ.jpg

If any mods feel this doesn't qualify as writing, feel free to remove it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-02-2012, 10:34 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 243
Posted By greyeyedfire
I didn't know how to end it because the ending...

I didn't know how to end it because the ending hasn't happened yet.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-01-2012, 06:41 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 243
Posted By greyeyedfire
Just Like Old Times

I'm in one of my moods again
so she keeps her distance
content to know I'll come back to her
on wings of steel and ink
calling her my Konstantine
she'll kiss me in my living room
then I'll sing her...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-01-2012, 03:33 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 419
Posted By greyeyedfire
I say leave the word "forehead". It...

I say leave the word "forehead".
It works great.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-29-2012, 12:34 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 351
Posted By greyeyedfire
x-xxx-xxx-xxxx

I finally worked up the nerve to call her
she answered without a word
and we held our conversation in silence
I fell asleep first
and she stayed up a little longer
obsessed with my breathing
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2012, 10:09 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 308
Posted By greyeyedfire
I loved it right up to the last two lines.

I loved it right up to the last two lines.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-07-2012, 01:37 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 685
Posted By greyeyedfire
It's perfect, don't touch it.

It's perfect, don't touch it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-06-2012, 10:33 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 159
Posted By greyeyedfire
Entitlement

She's hiding behind half-assed kisses and divorcing parents
waiting for me to write that poem I promised her
while I hang on to dead love/hate relationships
content to know that I'm daydreaming about...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-30-2012, 08:56 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 255
Posted By greyeyedfire
Silly Little Lullabies

She could have done it gracefully
but her way's cuter
twisting and wrenching her way
in between my guitar and me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-25-2012, 01:41 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 417
Posted By greyeyedfire
**** grammar, this was beautiful.

**** grammar, this was beautiful.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-24-2012, 11:52 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 227
Posted By greyeyedfire
Did not like this line. Otherwise, I loved it.

Did not like this line.
Otherwise, I loved it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2012, 11:28 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 292
Posted By greyeyedfire
Much too long for it's own good, but more...

Much too long for it's own good, but more importantly, I believe the last few lines weakened the piece. You told me what you were feeling when you should have been showing me.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2012, 11:24 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 297
Posted By greyeyedfire
I agree with Dylan, last two lines would be...

I agree with Dylan,
last two lines would be stronger without the explanation beforehand.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-19-2012, 10:51 AM
Replies: 10
<3
Views: 489
Posted By greyeyedfire
<3

She would whisper cute little nothings in my sleep
like "I heart you"
while she was tying me to the bed
You learn to miss certain things
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-18-2012, 10:33 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 201
Posted By greyeyedfire
I like this much more than your other piece on...

I like this much more than your other piece on the front page right now.
This confusing, difficult format was perfect. The messages mixed within each other distracted you despite which story you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-18-2012, 10:23 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 288
Posted By greyeyedfire
I feel it's a great showcase of what you can do. ...

I feel it's a great showcase of what you can do. It has the simple emotion I strive for in my own writing, but with a certain wordiness and warmth that so well compliments the optimism.

Check your...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2012, 10:24 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 271
Posted By greyeyedfire
She Doesn't Deserve Me

She woke up to find me
clawing my way back up to my hands and knees
my determination forcing its way back in between heartbeats
Taylor
she says my name
and grabs my shoulder
and I feel better
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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