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Search: Posts Made By: brokencoastline
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-23-2014, 11:02 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 139
Posted By brokencoastline
Succinct. I see it less as zooming in and out and...

Succinct. I see it less as zooming in and out and more as zooming in consistently as it goes. The first two stanzas are very meta, but then we have a projection of being onto the sky, and then very...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-21-2014, 12:41 PM
Replies: 2,093
Views: 68,533
Posted By brokencoastline
I got involved with an ongoing zine/small press....

I got involved with an ongoing zine/small press. We're looking for stuff on the more raw side, but if anyone's interested in submitting you can check it out here (http://trashtalkpress.tumblr.com).
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-15-2014, 07:35 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 464
Posted By brokencoastline
It is a very strong piece. The banana image is...

It is a very strong piece. The banana image is used originally, to describe a sense of softness, and works even being so central to the piece. The paleness described in the first two lines gets...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-15-2014, 07:26 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 306
Posted By brokencoastline
Thanks both of you. Ryan, your reading is more...

Thanks both of you.

Ryan, your reading is more or less spot-on with my intentions for this. One of the more validating comments I've ever received, thanks.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-05-2014, 12:37 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 274
Posted By brokencoastline
I think these lines rely on too many abstractions...

I think these lines rely on too many abstractions to answer the first two lines in a meaningful way. After that the poem takes on more emotional pull without being too forward about it.



These...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-30-2014, 06:25 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 238
Posted By brokencoastline
I'm trying to pin down why your style works so...

I'm trying to pin down why your style works so well for me. The images are mostly very distinct, you tend toward a lot of categorically related visuals (things that are oceanic, edible, animals, or...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-30-2014, 12:59 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 306
Posted By brokencoastline
basement song

everything still gleams
like it did when you were twenty

and it seems somehow crisper,
even the air in this basement
with its familiar mildew.

your father calls from where
he straddles a line
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 01:08 PM
Replies: 6
r.
Views: 384
Posted By brokencoastline
Your recent poems really have been very tight and...

Your recent poems really have been very tight and collected. They all have a similar feeling of implied continuation by ending on words like "your" or "we" or "a."

"seas in the islands swim" is a...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-12-2014, 07:23 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 238
Posted By brokencoastline
east falls church storm drain

nod to Jimmy in the first stanza.


Gaping always, as I sometimes sleep and later lie next to I-495 with
its wash of noise. But I told the truth when she asked me if I cared
and I said I was...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-05-2014, 12:41 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 267
Posted By brokencoastline
The way the piece branches out from the...

The way the piece branches out from the five-pointed shape near the center gives the whole thing a strong resemblance to a map of a city, which agrees wonderfully with the content.

It is also very...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-03-2014, 02:42 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 522
Posted By brokencoastline
It's very conversational poetry. Emotionally...

It's very conversational poetry. Emotionally descriptive, yet without any kind of physical description, action, or occurrence.

I have to echo hippieboy about the space at least. The lines float on...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-28-2014, 03:19 AM
Replies: 2,093
Views: 68,533
Posted By brokencoastline
I was just talking with someone about how I...

I was just talking with someone about how I missed Blacksburg and you and your husband. I just got back from a couple weeks on the road but once I've been settled back in for a while, I'd love to try...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-29-2014, 01:12 AM
Replies: 4
09
Views: 359
Posted By brokencoastline
I don't think "thicker/ than syria, coarser...

I don't think "thicker/ than syria, coarser thann/ afghannistann" is working. At first I thought you were trying to illustrate a degree of ethnicity but it seems more like your intent was to play off...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-27-2014, 02:18 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 411
Posted By brokencoastline
I think the first two lines are a little too...

I think the first two lines are a little too similar given how little you're trying to work with. The images in both convey much of the same (dampness or wetness, and that the speaker is probably in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-27-2014, 02:04 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 710
Posted By brokencoastline
thanks everyone. It's the same book, yeah!...

thanks everyone.



It's the same book, yeah! I've been going back to it more as the weather's gotten warmer. Something about the lines I picked out from it is so crazy and vivid but very resonant...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-17-2014, 01:07 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 765
Posted By brokencoastline
I think those conversations are the most telling,...

I think those conversations are the most telling, which I really like but I know a lot of people find uncomfortable. I could never know the things you say (or anyone says) about my own writing...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-17-2014, 12:43 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 474
Posted By brokencoastline
How much html-based or otherwise digital poetry...

How much html-based or otherwise digital poetry do you read? There's a lot of stuff out there that might resonate with you. Dig around ubuweb a little if you never have before (particularly these...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-14-2014, 03:28 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 526
Posted By brokencoastline
I said what I said about initially thinking I'd...

I said what I said about initially thinking I'd suggest cutting more only because the poem is initially overwhelming. Once you start digging into it, though, it's not terribly difficult to get...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-05-2014, 04:27 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 724
Posted By brokencoastline
Inherent in the form of this is a reading...

Inherent in the form of this is a reading experience that's fairly disjointed. It's related through dreams (and potentially some memory of reality, which becomes similarly fractured and distorted...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-20-2014, 07:00 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 710
Posted By brokencoastline
WotW: California Elegy: moving out, moving constantly.

California Elegy: moving out, moving constantly.
for A.

There was a cloud parked on the horizon.
I thought it looked like an albatross drumstick
marinated in phosphorescent kool-aid.
-Kevin...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-25-2014, 02:46 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 293
Posted By brokencoastline
Without regard to content for now, I thought the...

Without regard to content for now, I thought the sonics and rhythm were really captivating and whimsical. I'd like to see if you could end within that structure, just because it is so prominent here....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-25-2014, 12:27 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 418
Posted By brokencoastline
I can't seem to read anyone's pieces without...

I can't seem to read anyone's pieces without going back to Iceland but I'm seeing the ride out to Keflavík in this. The peninsula and hills, the journey coming to a close. Early winter was when you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-21-2014, 10:42 PM
Replies: 2,093
Views: 68,533
Posted By brokencoastline
Do it.

Do it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-20-2014, 12:21 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 350
Posted By brokencoastline
Presentation, I'm thinking about it all the time....

Presentation, I'm thinking about it all the time. Poetry on the backs of receipts, which are a very immediate and common document. They tend toward clutter but somehow these are the kinds of thoughts...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-20-2014, 12:06 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 446
Posted By brokencoastline
Yeah, there's definitely a kind of dreamy,...

Yeah, there's definitely a kind of dreamy, wandering-around-a-little-seaside-town-full-of-wildflowers thing you're always getting at but achieving more some times than others. It's here a lot, in the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-17-2014, 02:00 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 360
Posted By brokencoastline
Oh shit. I was just thinking about your poetry...

Oh shit. I was just thinking about your poetry the other day and now it's here.

"a broken plate that I took from your house and you never found out" is such an image. It divulges more to the reader...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-28-2014, 10:16 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 309
Posted By brokencoastline
I would really like to come visit. How's mid-May...

I would really like to come visit. How's mid-May through June for you? I promise I can make something work in that timeframe.

Poetry by way of text message is really interesting. Digital mediums for...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-26-2014, 04:20 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 309
Posted By brokencoastline
I feel like visual art shows up in poems you...

I feel like visual art shows up in poems you write a lot (mosaic in this case) and that's something that really resonates with me as somebody with a lot of interest in both photography and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-15-2014, 01:58 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 490
Posted By brokencoastline
There is something a bit entropic about it, fear...

There is something a bit entropic about it, fear and death and heartbreak enough to cause cosmic disintegration. Your ending has an odd sense of acceptance to it, not quite peaceful, but stilled.

I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-04-2014, 01:32 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 549
Posted By brokencoastline
I should have come to this sooner. This is really...

I should have come to this sooner. This is really great, Jimmy. There's a lot of sentiment and imagery that hits very hard. It wanders in an incredibly pleasing way for the most part. If anything,...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 173

 
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