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Search: Posts Made By: 21wickwing
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-11-2015, 10:21 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 149
Posted By 21wickwing
A <Silent> Message

Constant noise tempts us like the sirens of old,
where we indulge and participate in a never silent world.
Words streamtogether as we quicklyspewthem
our mouths forgetting the space bar underneath...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-11-2015, 10:15 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 196
Posted By 21wickwing
Wow. I wish my experimental poetry was this good....

Wow. I wish my experimental poetry was this good. I love how you play with grammar and words in a way that creates a visual artwork as well as the message it conveys. It reminds me of e.e. cummings....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-11-2015, 10:12 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 671
Posted By 21wickwing
I love this, especially the walk on hues tidbit...

I love this, especially the walk on hues tidbit and color blindness... because I am color blind and relate haha. Every aspect of this poem is wonderful. Great job! I feel as though you have...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2015, 01:00 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 469
Posted By 21wickwing
I loved the Smell of your words... it reminds me...

I loved the Smell of your words... it reminds me of a line from Steve Roggenbuck poem "make something beautiful before you are dead" which is " bring cookies and juice and we're gonna eat them...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2015, 12:55 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 525
Posted By 21wickwing
Very raw emotions and the ending was fantastic....

Very raw emotions and the ending was fantastic. The only thing I would look into editing is the middle verse because it is a bit cliche.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2015, 12:52 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 591
Posted By 21wickwing
I love this. I haven't been around for like a...

I love this. I haven't been around for like a year and this is the poem I read first and now I feel as though my expectations are too high to read another.

The brilliance! I love your effects with...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2015, 12:43 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 136
Posted By 21wickwing
This.

This.
This Here.
This Now.
This Everywhere and Within.

This is the Moment.
What are you seeing?
What are you feeling?
This.
This.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-10-2014, 07:37 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 342
Posted By 21wickwing
Thanks a ton for your review... the harsher the...

Thanks a ton for your review... the harsher the better. When I post on here these days, it means I feel like it is lacking.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-06-2014, 10:07 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 342
Posted By 21wickwing
A Painting Of Visions

Please give me honest criticisms. This will be for a meeting at work to practice public speaking and will be used as a performance piece. Let me know what you think! (C4C)

Edit Version:

If I were...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-26-2014, 01:31 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 310
Posted By 21wickwing
Your Words

I read and I hear many words
but too often those words are not but mere careless words.

I live for when the words mean something more.
I live for when the words tickle my tongue as I speak them.
I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2014, 01:04 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 439
Posted By 21wickwing
Right :D

Right :D
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-09-2014, 10:04 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 439
Posted By 21wickwing
thank you both for your input. I agree the title...

thank you both for your input. I agree the title is a bit revealing of the ending. I can change that to Tears On Cavalry... Cavalry being the hill of Jesus' crucifixion
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-07-2014, 04:45 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 439
Posted By 21wickwing
My Deadly Flower

Legend says Mary cried
upon these grounds
while she watched her son
march towards his death.

And there you are,
my love, my flower,
standing upon holy ground
planting your blessings.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-05-2014, 10:06 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 391
Posted By 21wickwing
Sure, here is the first version: Life doesn’t...

Sure, here is the first version:

Life doesn’t give you lemons;
you need to plant them,
water them,
fertilize them,
and ripen them yourself.
-and sometimes it won’t work-
Sometimes bugs will eat...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-05-2014, 12:09 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 391
Posted By 21wickwing
Thanks, I knew this needed work and wanted to get...

Thanks, I knew this needed work and wanted to get some feedback and you hit the nails on the head!

I edited it and would appreciate your thoughts on the new version.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-04-2014, 06:44 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 391
Posted By 21wickwing
Lemons

(edited)

Life doesn’t give you lemons;
you need to plant them,
water them,
fertilize them,
and ripen them yourself.
-and sometimes it won’t work-
Sometimes bugs will eat them,
damn fruit flies.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-01-2014, 08:13 PM
Replies: 4
" "
Views: 455
Posted By 21wickwing
I second this motion. I found it a little bit odd...

I second this motion. I found it a little bit odd and unusual for you to include something a bit unnecessary as it would be assumed anyway. I can see how it might add some other direction by...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-27-2014, 07:00 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 666
Posted By 21wickwing
Sounds like an interesting idea to me :)

Sounds like an interesting idea to me :)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-27-2014, 03:31 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 531
Posted By 21wickwing
I do like how you capture the perceptions of...

I do like how you capture the perceptions of politicians and you pull off some nice lines. I was expecting a bit of a deeper level of connection between the narrator and the politician... perhaps...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-27-2014, 03:26 PM
Replies: 7
nPP
Views: 546
Posted By 21wickwing
I may be stupid, but I am unsure as to what the...

I may be stupid, but I am unsure as to what the message is. Is it about resisting growing up or conforming to society?

I would perhaps expand upon it and add a middle verse that brings in more...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-25-2014, 11:35 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 860
Posted By 21wickwing
I like the context here, and the poem/story...

I like the context here, and the poem/story definitely manages to pull in the reader and capture his/her/its? attention. I also loved the part where you messed with the word "remembered" although I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-25-2014, 11:31 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 549
Posted By 21wickwing
The Canyons

My own your
h h
ea ea
rt rt


is p s ...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-20-2014, 05:33 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 406
Posted By 21wickwing
thanks Eccer. It is a work in progress, but more...

thanks Eccer. It is a work in progress, but more in the style of Pipeline
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-18-2014, 12:54 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 406
Posted By 21wickwing
A Sapiosexual's One-Night Stand

You know, countless hundreds and hundreds of billions of years ago, some star -a soul- , somewhere in the universe brewed all the necessary ingredients for life and exploded

and after years of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2014, 05:47 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 565
Posted By 21wickwing
"is freedom ever anything more than to be...

"is
freedom ever anything more
than to be free to love her?"

Awesome line. I thought this poem was very well written and flowed nicely. The ending gave me a nice giggle as well. This could...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2014, 05:43 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 507
Posted By 21wickwing
vintage, I love how you organize your poems so...

vintage, I love how you organize your poems so effectively. The structure of your verses really paces this well and adds to the quirky nature of the poem. Also the recurring usage of "hello" was a...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-15-2014, 05:40 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 223
Posted By 21wickwing
Life and Death

Slice.
Juice.
Life.

Slice.
Blood.
Death.

What once was stolen,
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-12-2014, 02:31 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 377
Posted By 21wickwing
Thank you, this was the first time I ever...

Thank you, this was the first time I ever experimented with punctuation in this type of manner so I was just kinda throwing shit at the wall and frankly I wasn't feeling it too much either. I figured...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-08-2014, 10:55 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 576
Posted By 21wickwing
Congrats on WotW Definitel deserving of it

Congrats on WotW

Definitel deserving of it
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-07-2014, 01:17 AM
Replies: 5
3
Views: 350
Posted By 21wickwing
I liked the style, the mashingofwordstogether,...

I liked the style, the mashingofwordstogether, the spacing, etc. It really gave the piece a nice disjointed feel about it which fits the message of the poem itself. The references to Nazi Germany...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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