|
|||||||
|
Showing results 1 to 30 of 56
Search took 0.13 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: doubtfulsalmon |
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-17-2013, 01:49 PM
|
|
Replies: 1
Views: 78
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
This is probably my favourite thing i've read...
This is probably my favourite thing i've read from you recently, you've really mastered that implied comparison thing with the switchblade stanza. The repetition of slithers is cool as well. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-17-2013, 01:46 PM
|
|
Replies: 1
Views: 67
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
I love the way you drop haggard in there at the...
I love the way you drop haggard in there at the end of the first stanza, and this is brilliant as a whole, great comic undertones. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-17-2013, 01:44 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 92
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
I'm not very good at critiquing straight up...
I'm not very good at critiquing straight up lyrics like this, but i'll give it a go. I really like that first verse, great subtle rhyming and the wording is interesting. The other verses progress... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-17-2013, 01:32 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 75
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
I just used that spelling without thinking, as...
I just used that spelling without thinking, as i'm english lol, I always forget you guys spell things differently. Having now looked it up, fetal seems to be the scientifically accepted spelling and... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-16-2013, 08:45 AM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 75
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
hypothermia
i bend my arms foetal against the cold, old and crippled, i am earthquakes and osteoporosis. i am rickety mountains trembling under gravid, granite peaks i grow in shadow |
|
Forum: Promote YOUR Band
05-25-2013, 12:59 PM
|
|
Replies: 1,249
Views: 42,468
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
splints
hardcore/punk/post rock
UK
We just...
splints hardcore/punk/post rock UK We just released our first EP and would appreciate it if you could do us a review. http://splints.bandcamp.com/ (you can listen to it... |
|
Forum: Promote YOUR Band
05-25-2013, 09:19 AM
|
|
Replies: 112
Views: 10,863
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-14-2013, 01:15 PM
|
|
Replies: 6
Views: 284
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
oh god that falling in reverse song is...
oh god that falling in reverse song is disgusting, please don't remind me about it. with regard to the OP: drop the swearing, it's just ridiculous and doesn't add anything if its used in every... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-06-2013, 12:34 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 171
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
oops, yeah it should be, i'll fix that.
thanks...
oops, yeah it should be, i'll fix that. thanks for taking a look :) |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-05-2013, 04:27 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 171
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
gone fishing
a woman of water splashed, airless, turbid in the river. eel kinked its tail question mark like broadsheet black, it dragged her out and punctuated. unctuous she gasped fish |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-05-2013, 10:12 AM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 249
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i really feel you dude.
this was incredible,...
i really feel you dude. this was incredible, nothing else to say. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-28-2013, 03:29 AM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 322
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i think the thing that's holding you back here is...
i think the thing that's holding you back here is how you're writing to the line breaks, it makes the piece feel disjointed as each line is a stand alone phrase. you should explore writing in longer,... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-25-2013, 03:26 PM
|
|
Replies: 1
Views: 245
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i don't have much experience with sonnets, but i...
i don't have much experience with sonnets, but i think this is well executed overall, the main thing that stands out to me is that some of the punctuation interrupts the flow when i read this out... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-25-2013, 03:09 PM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 458
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i really enjoyed these. something about the...
i really enjoyed these. something about the gentle, quietly confident tone captivates me. oh and that final stanza is fantastic. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-25-2013, 03:05 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 242
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-25-2013, 03:04 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 294
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i get the feeling that the substance in this...
i get the feeling that the substance in this piece is too watered down to have the impact necessary in metalcore, and there are a cliche lines that don't help this. i'd recommend cutting this down to... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-24-2013, 12:48 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 242
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-17-2013, 03:37 PM
|
|
Replies: 6
Views: 328
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
thank you all very much, i wasn't expecting this...
thank you all very much, i wasn't expecting this at all :) |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-17-2013, 03:33 PM
|
|
Replies: 6
Views: 444
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
there's so much about this i love, i don't know...
there's so much about this i love, i don't know where to start... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-14-2013, 01:44 PM
|
|
Replies: 6
Views: 328
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
Writing of the Week - alchemy/literary
dig molehills like mountains literally, (dis)counting Avogadro and the urge i had to number words as blemishes: immeasurable. chemists found this compound-noun |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
04-02-2013, 04:51 AM
|
|
Replies: 8
Views: 861
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-26-2013, 04:52 AM
|
|
Replies: 19
Views: 585
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
totally agree with seventh angel, get this thing...
totally agree with seventh angel, get this thing punctuated, you're on to something really good here. also i love those last 5 lines. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-16-2013, 03:27 PM
|
|
Replies: 0
Views: 176
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i'm getting better at people
wake to god tickling my feet love dangles above (not attraction drawn from fate but stepping persons who have held or stood for not being receptive enough) if i stand if i stand on them |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-10-2013, 05:04 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 327
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
this is simple, honest and good story telling,...
this is simple, honest and good story telling, which is all that words about a girl need to be. there are a few cliche rhymes and ideas in the mix (which is maybe something to think about) but they... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-10-2013, 04:53 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 240
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
really this piece just needs padding out with...
really this piece just needs padding out with more ideas and exploration, focusing on flow of ideas to give the reader more of an impression of what you're getting at, and as this piece is lacking... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-03-2013, 10:31 AM
|
|
Replies: 7
Views: 489
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
as always your flow of ideas is very good, and...
as always your flow of ideas is very good, and the imagery is obviously well thought out. i really like how you use line breaks and repetition to establish a rhythm throughout, which also gives the... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
03-03-2013, 10:21 AM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 375
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
unfortunately its from personal experience, i...
unfortunately its from personal experience, i recently lost a childhood friend to leukemia. its been difficult to come to terms with, even though it was something i'd kinda prepared myself for, and... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
02-28-2013, 04:02 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 375
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
02-23-2013, 05:52 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 287
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
i feel like some of the concepts and phrasing...
i feel like some of the concepts and phrasing here are more cliche than the piece deserves, however your execution more than makes up for it, especially the ending. also i absolutely loved... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
02-23-2013, 05:35 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 375
Posted By
doubtfulsalmon
"although imagining an afterlife can tend to mend a broken heart..."
...a young friend of mine passed on last weekend. it's no more my place than yours to try to comprehend that he's gone: if it was all-right or wrong to wake him from his aching, breaking |
| Showing results 1 to 30 of 56 |
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:26 AM.