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Search: Posts Made By: Winter Sky
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2013, 06:55 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 474
Posted By Winter Sky
i really like this as a written piece; the flow...

i really like this as a written piece; the flow is great, i liked a lot of your phrasing and word choice, and it's always nice to see alliteration used well. the only thing that bothered me was some...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2013, 11:25 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 659
Posted By Winter Sky
after reading it twice, i still don't quite know...

after reading it twice, i still don't quite know what to think of it. the story and the emotions of this are lost in wordiness and strange grammar and line breaks, which made it a bit painful to...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2013, 04:25 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 1,212
Posted By Winter Sky
of rivers and oceans

c4c (please leave a link)

part I

i swallowed the summer heat,
wondering if you felt the same as your words tried to claim
when you wrote me that damning letter.

i wish i'd kept it to hide it away...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-24-2011, 06:57 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 387
Posted By Winter Sky
You've always been one of the writers I keep an...

You've always been one of the writers I keep an eye on because your work has such a unique voice, and this piece is one of the better ones I've read over the years.

The only part that stuck out to...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-24-2011, 06:44 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 313
Posted By Winter Sky
rd93: I'll look back over the exact definition of...

rd93: I'll look back over the exact definition of tautologies, but it made sense to me in a vague sort of way when I wrote it. Thanks, man.

vintage x metal: I should have specified that this is a...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-23-2011, 09:44 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 313
Posted By Winter Sky
Jamais Vu

C4C, as always.

I am sorry that the best I could do
was watch nervously as you
fought sorrow with shame and nicotine,
but I could not calm my nerves to intervene.

I tried to speak honestly,
but my...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2011, 05:21 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 279
Posted By Winter Sky
I'm not really feeling this piece. It's not...

I'm not really feeling this piece. It's not putting ideas or images in my head. I guess it just reads a bit dull compared to some of your other work.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 03:19 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 209
Posted By Winter Sky
While this does have a certain charm to it and...

While this does have a certain charm to it and plenty of good lines, it seems a bit disorganized and lackluster compared to other pieces of yours that I've read. I really enjoyed the fourth and last...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2011, 02:50 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 329
Posted By Winter Sky
I felt that it was overall predictable and...

I felt that it was overall predictable and ordinary. Nothing struck me as particularly interesting or well-written, but the whole thing holds itself together as a decent piece. I suggest working...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-29-2011, 10:24 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 326
Posted By Winter Sky
an impressively stealthy holocaust

Been a while since I've posted, so here's something. C4C, as always.

you appeared in my selfish youth
like a ghost to a scientist,
bearing nothing but platitudes
and a fondness for frightening my...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-24-2011, 06:27 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 322
Posted By Winter Sky
It needs a good edit, but this is a great draft....

It needs a good edit, but this is a great draft. I dig it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-24-2011, 12:31 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 470
Posted By Winter Sky
By far one of the best pieces I've seen 'round...

By far one of the best pieces I've seen 'round here in months. Nice to see someone who can actually use rhyming effectively. Congrats.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-19-2011, 05:23 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 485
Posted By Winter Sky
I would have absolutely loved this piece if not...

I would have absolutely loved this piece if not for the last two lines; you've been here long enough to know we leave the cliches to the newbies. Nah, but it was a great read nonetheless....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-19-2011, 04:59 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 482
Posted By Winter Sky
It seems a bit too random here and there, like...

It seems a bit too random here and there, like you were throwing words at the piece because they were pretty, but as a whole, I really enjoyed reading this. Lines 1-8(and a half) are particularly...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-07-2011, 04:27 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 215
Posted By Winter Sky
The Cap Of A Botte OF Water (OTS)

Yeah, I know it's not my best but I haven't posted in a while and this is the latest piece I could find, and I think I wrote it OTS at the time, so I let it be. And I think I wrote it stoned... I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-07-2011, 04:14 AM
Replies: 2,020
Views: 64,472
Posted By Winter Sky
This seemed a better place than the dreaded pit...

This seemed a better place than the dreaded pit to ask this, but I hope it's within the rules. And, please, I'm being serious, so even if it is kind of funny, I'd appreciate no flaming.

Hola, my...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-27-2011, 09:20 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 204
Posted By Winter Sky
Mercurial

C4C, as always.

It's been so long now
since I've held your wind
in my lungs,
since I've felt your landscapes
beneath me.

The regretfully distant paths
that my intergalactic space travels
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-27-2011, 09:06 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 221
Posted By Winter Sky
Overall, this was a bit more real and raw feeling...

Overall, this was a bit more real and raw feeling than your usual work, but I enjoyed your imagery and word choice as usual. Keep it up, mate.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-25-2011, 06:53 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 268
Posted By Winter Sky
Thanks, guys. My writing has admittedly gotten...

Thanks, guys. My writing has admittedly gotten too vague and shallow lately. I think I'll wait until some new inspiration hits me before 'i posy here anymore. I need to get back to my roots and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-22-2011, 09:47 PM
Replies: 70
Views: 9,501
Posted By Winter Sky
AngryGoldfish: Yeah, I live in America, but I...

AngryGoldfish: Yeah, I live in America, but I mostly listen to Scottish bands (as well as some American post-rock and indie). Biffy Clyro is my absolute favorite, and their older stuff is definitely...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-21-2011, 07:40 PM
Replies: 70
Views: 9,501
Posted By Winter Sky
Biffy Clyro - With Aplomb...

Biffy Clyro - With Aplomb (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgbmXasnN8s)

Absolutely one of my favorite songs. The lyrics are creative and vague, and the musical buildup halfway through the song is...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Techniques 09-21-2011, 06:49 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 457
Posted By Winter Sky
Think of anything that reminds you of what you're...

Think of anything that reminds you of what you're actually writing about, and write about that instead. For example, I use space imagery as metaphors for loneliness, heartache, etc. because space is...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-20-2011, 11:48 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 268
Posted By Winter Sky
Yeah, I waited 24 hours between threads, and I...

Yeah, I waited 24 hours between threads, and I hadn't posted in over a week before then, so I'm within the rules. Thanks for watching out though.
:cheers:

EDIT: And, yes, 90% of my recent work has...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-20-2011, 11:08 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 268
Posted By Winter Sky
Hello, Earth

C4C, as always.

Hello, Earth,
my cerulean lover.

Have I been missed?
Have you been kissed
since I left?

Do the stars yet light your path
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-20-2011, 09:33 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 302
Posted By Winter Sky
I'd love to give you a thorough critique, mate,...

I'd love to give you a thorough critique, mate, but Zoot Allures mirrored my thoughts exactly. Other than a few wording and flow issues, I could really feel this as a song, and it definitely read as...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-20-2011, 09:12 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 252
Posted By Winter Sky
Thank you all for the critiques. It is...

Thank you all for the critiques. It is post-rockish, so I understand that the lyrics may not look great on paper. It's the musical accompaniment that bring the emotion and strength to the piece....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-19-2011, 10:05 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 252
Posted By Winter Sky
Keeping Warm

I'm back to posting lyrics for a while, as my band is nearing the completion of our first EP. The genre is something along the lines of indie/post-rock - you know, lots of distortion, delay, and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-13-2011, 12:56 AM
Replies: 15
Views: 632
Posted By Winter Sky
I had no doubts that Carmel would win; her...

I had no doubts that Carmel would win; her writing is amazing. Thanks for the support to those who think I'll win WotM in the future and whoever voted for me. I've been trying to win it, but no luck...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-08-2011, 03:17 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 543
Posted By Winter Sky
That's even more distasteful... I guess if it's...

That's even more distasteful... I guess if it's supposed to be metal or something, go for it. But in my opinion, that line is just unpleasant to read or hear.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2011, 11:27 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 502
Posted By Winter Sky
As a poem, it's a bit too straightforward and...

As a poem, it's a bit too straightforward and wordy to be "good". Sounds more like one of my drunken rants than a work of literature, but I like the sentiment of it.
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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