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Search: Posts Made By: narners
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-02-2012, 08:29 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 439
Posted By narners
"Purgatory"

Please rip in because this is my first effort in about 4 years so I am expecting it to be below par... Advice would be fantasic. Thank you in advance :)

You can call it funny
You can, call it what...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-07-2010, 12:37 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 131
Posted By narners
Day Today

Day Today

Corner desk, flower Pot,
CPU and coffee too,
The features blur together,
Like the months and the weather,

Everybody knows,
When its winter it is cold,
And it falls somewhere in,
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-06-2010, 11:52 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 281
Posted By narners
Thank you :)

Thank you :)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-06-2010, 11:51 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 931
Posted By narners
I am a big fan of this! I would love to hear it...

I am a big fan of this! I would love to hear it with music. Keep up the good work :)
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-03-2010, 11:43 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 281
Posted By narners
Middle Age

Your sitting on the sidelines,
Thinking, Is it just me,
Or is there something going on around here?

The streets are quiet,
Theres no one around,
Its just you and the dust at your feet,

Its the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2010, 10:03 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 189
Posted By narners
Are You Used To It Yet?

Is it cold, Without me in your bed?
One less pillow for, One less head,
Or have you found, somboddy else?
To ease the pain behind your eyes.

Are you lonely, Baby does it hurt?
Have you settled in?...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-20-2010, 01:56 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 517
Posted By narners
Hey, This is pretty damn good. I like this bit...

Hey,
This is pretty damn good.
I like this bit the most by far

"I see the world as it tries to sleep,
Try to touch the bottom but the water's too deep,
Dived down from the surface with my blinded...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-18-2010, 02:32 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 217
Posted By narners
You Animal!

I love you, you say,
I need you, today,
I've needed you all along..
I've made a, mistake,
I'm through with, these games,
I admit I was wrong..

I just can't live without you,
I just can't move on..
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-08-2009, 08:23 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 159
Posted By narners
Change

3 Months ago i died.
I was poisoned by change.
A regular foe with whom,
many battles have raged.

With each of our past encounters,
Our engineered struggles,
Scars began to show,
Though we wouldn't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-08-2009, 06:53 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 486
Posted By narners
I also really like it. Nice. I'd prefer if you...

I also really like it. Nice. I'd prefer if you called it "I'm getting too old for this", cause we all know the feeling
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-02-2009, 02:10 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 101
Posted By narners
An Evening Spent Dancing

I start my night off in,
the best fashion possible,
A drink in one hand,
And an open bar all night,

But before i get a chance,
To take in my surroundings,
You came and ask to dance,
And then it all...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2009, 10:20 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 649
Posted By narners
I agree with whats stated above. it is very nice,...

I agree with whats stated above. it is very nice, meaningful and upon second reading it does tell the story. Beautiful. I also agree about it seeming like a poem, halfway through i thought to myself...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2009, 06:50 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 191
Posted By narners
thanks for your crits i will get rid of the...

thanks for your crits

i will get rid of the goodbye at the end..
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-30-2009, 01:43 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 491
Posted By narners
I really like this piece. You use imagery very...

I really like this piece.

You use imagery very well. It is very well written.

I love how you have extended the second stanza with each line being longer, your use of repetition is great because it...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-29-2009, 10:07 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 191
Posted By narners
Rose Season

Well the roses,
That summer brought to life,
Have all withered and died,
With the chill of winter,
Thats been imprinted in the sky..

And like the roses,
In summer you stole my heart,
With the sun,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-24-2009, 10:10 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 229
Posted By narners
hey man, thanks alot for the crit. i've edited...

hey man, thanks alot for the crit.

i've edited all the their/theres.

Cheers
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-24-2009, 09:54 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 302
Posted By narners
hey man, thanks for the crit! there isnt really...

hey man, thanks for the crit!

there isnt really much to say that hasnt been said. It has a good flow, the song tells the story it should.

i think the last stanza is the best also. a couple more...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-23-2009, 08:01 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 229
Posted By narners
Possible chorus at the end: And I could write a...

Possible chorus at the end:

And I could write a song,
About all the things that I, hated about you,

But that won't be as true,
As what i'm about to do,
I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-23-2009, 07:52 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 229
Posted By narners
I Don't Miss You

You left me around this time of year i guess,
You said you were going out for the weekend,
12 months on and im still sitting in that chair,
Waiting for you now, like i was waiting for you then,

I've...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-29-2009, 01:27 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 181
Posted By narners
Enough is Enough - Hard Rock

Verse
Its you
That i'm talking bout,
Your the one standning there
With your fingers in your hair,
Acting unaware,
Of the damage that you've caused
To my head and my heart
But that is just the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-26-2009, 10:00 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 117
Posted By narners
The Sky (Bluesy type Duet song)

A Bluesy-Country duet thats about Love

I was standing in the street,
Looking at the sky,
When I noticed a girl in the street,
Doing just like I,

Solo (4 bars)

So I walked over to her,
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-24-2009, 12:22 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 291
Posted By narners
I am a big fan of this I liked your rhyme...

I am a big fan of this
I liked your rhyme structure and and your song structure
I also like the idea of the song and the imagery that you use
I, though, have no idea about the reference

Good work...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-24-2009, 12:17 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 181
Posted By narners
Thanks dude

Thanks dude
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-18-2009, 12:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 181
Posted By narners
They call this the blues

Hey just a quick piece, nothing special but some of you might like it. C4C. would love advice. Cheers

The Blues

Where I come from
They call this the blues
For breakfast 3 beers
And lunch another...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-08-2009, 12:58 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 160
Posted By narners
For my Lover, Friend

At 3:01pm it was over.
On monday the 7th of september.
Lucky for me my mind was elsewhere.
Well at least thats what I keep telling myself.

I wasn't even able to see you off.
To be there and hold...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2009, 08:56 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 127
Posted By narners
London

tired eyes
and an empty bed
thats all thats left,
thats all thats left

a wounded soul,
trying to let go,
i'm on my own
for the first time in years
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-17-2009, 10:46 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 241
Posted By narners
thanks alot for the crits, i know what you mean...

thanks alot for the crits,
i know what you mean about the last 2 lines but i dont know how to explain what im trying to using different words? (any suggestions)

are these lyrics ok enough to go...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-17-2009, 09:51 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 224
Posted By narners
I really love the way the piece starts and ends....

I really love the way the piece starts and ends. It is really good. In between i feel aren't as powerful as the start and end. I agrew with what the last comment says about the ever, never, every,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-14-2009, 02:44 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 211
Posted By narners
I actually don't mind this song in a writing...

I actually don't mind this song in a writing sense.
And i dont mind the rhyming, although there will be people with issues with it.

From what i get from this your having a tough time and trying to...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-13-2009, 01:49 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 171
Posted By narners
Not Sure, Anymore

Wanna Change the ending, but not sure how. Help Please and C4C, and help naming.

V1
You say you sat through the crusades,
And you saw all the world wars,
But you can't be sure of anything...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 115

 
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