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Search: Posts Made By: Ganoosh
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Yesterday, 10:44 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 64
Posted By Ganoosh
Captain Ahab

yellow milk bursting from the ocean's edge
feeling tendrils ask the tip of sky;
erect dome, virile expansive

I lift my hand against the toothless sun,
my brain leaking from my fingernails
snaking...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Yesterday, 10:12 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 85
Posted By Ganoosh
Ending lines in irrational places is fashionable...

Ending lines in irrational places is fashionable and cool, and it's even better for me because I like to take lines and read them by themselves. You have a couple good ones that sit by themselves and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics Yesterday, 09:59 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 81
Posted By Ganoosh
Like a less ferocious Sylvia Plath, kind of. It...

Like a less ferocious Sylvia Plath, kind of.

It goes big-little-big-little-big-little. The little minute part seems to win out, but then you end on something as huge as the chilled sky, the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-10-2014, 10:53 PM
Replies: 2,091
Views: 68,429
Posted By Ganoosh
Well I think the fact that you're acting this...

Well I think the fact that you're acting this question means something. You're obviously interested. The only way to find out if you feel the way you think you feel is to go for it. Don't get stuck...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:58 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 261
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey! You did a really good job in most places...

Hey! You did a really good job in most places avoiding any forced rhymes. Everything seemed pretty natural as far as that goes.

I'm not sure I really like that very last line, because it just...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:51 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 308
Posted By Ganoosh
I like how you're using line breaks with purpose...

I like how you're using line breaks with purpose here. The only places you start a new line are new sentences or clauses, and the only places you disrupt a sentence in an awkward spot are when you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:45 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 177
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey! Nice to be reading you again, this is...

Hey! Nice to be reading you again, this is delicious.

Really vivid images here, everything just kind of pops and you wanted it that way, so in that way it's great control you're displaying.

I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2014, 05:58 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 229
Posted By Ganoosh
This is very raw, I wouldn't change it much at...

This is very raw, I wouldn't change it much at all. With the music like that it's best if you're just being really straightforward like this, sometimes that's the best way to show emotion.

I don't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2014, 05:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 220
Posted By Ganoosh
I ****ing like this and I like that you posted it...

I ****ing like this and I like that you posted it here.

I don't know what the clot of lines is supposed to be, beetle, doctor, whatever. I like it's position visually, with the words kind of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 06:17 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 282
Posted By Ganoosh
Those last two lines do awesome things for the...

Those last two lines do awesome things for the rest of the piece. The hypothetical wife, and then you go back and you think about the questioning of whether love exists; so this person made up an...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 06:02 PM
Replies: 1,582
Views: 87,218
Posted By Ganoosh
:( That sounds brilliant and I'm sad that you...

:(




That sounds brilliant and I'm sad that you all never did it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 102
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey, you're like a commenting tornado! Such a...

Hey, you're like a commenting tornado!

Such a nice message here, but I think you're confused about what kind of tone you're trying to go for. To me, it seems like somebody having to repeat "let me...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 168
Posted By Ganoosh
So what's happening in these lyrics? Is this a...

So what's happening in these lyrics? Is this a phone conversation? Journal entry? Drunk text?

Adding that context would put a spin onto how the speaker is really feeling about this, and it could...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:09 PM
Replies: 6
r.
Views: 383
Posted By Ganoosh
The 25th anniversary of the Berlin Wall is soon!...

The 25th anniversary of the Berlin Wall is soon! I took it that you meant that time-wise, as in the girl experienced life both before and after.

That rhythm in the last two stanzas is killer. It...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-06-2013, 01:48 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 420
Posted By Ganoosh
Levihemoth. Awesome.

Levihemoth. Awesome.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-03-2013, 07:12 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 310
Posted By Ganoosh
The changes in voice were intentional, a la the...

The changes in voice were intentional, a la the "swinging here and there" at the end.

Let me know if you guys have anything for me to look at
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-02-2013, 08:32 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 310
Posted By Ganoosh
That sounds awesome. I pm'ed you my email.

That sounds awesome. I pm'ed you my email.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2013, 11:46 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 316
Posted By Ganoosh
Post I'm sad to see this has gotten such little...

I'm sad to see this has gotten such little attention.

I like the spacing of your tips and taps in the beginning. It gives the onomatopoeia an extra dimension; you can hear the footsteps of somebody...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2013, 11:37 PM
Replies: 8
Views: 310
Posted By Ganoosh
#inbetween

everything I swear sometimes is
pockets bleeding posies
I lick an ear
black eyelash kisses
bite pink smelly toesies.

aside
(if color spins our moldy top then
color's what i lack
my eyes have been...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2013, 10:45 PM
Replies: 2,091
Views: 68,429
Posted By Ganoosh
Somehow I'm astonished(pleasantly) every time I...

Somehow I'm astonished(pleasantly) every time I pop back on here and see that you guys still exist.

:heart:
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-03-2012, 06:13 PM
Replies: 2,091
Views: 68,429
Posted By Ganoosh
http://www.blurb.com/ Don't spend a hundred...

http://www.blurb.com/

Don't spend a hundred bucks on one book, that's silly. I used blurb for a project in school and it worked really well, you might want to hurry up and get it put together so it...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-28-2012, 04:27 PM
Replies: 1,582
Views: 87,218
Posted By Ganoosh
I thought the same thing when I was here first,...

I thought the same thing when I was here first, and every time I critiqued somebody's piece I felt like an idiot. Just do it, do it, do it. Express your opinion. Didn't like what you read? Say so....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-07-2012, 09:25 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 337
Posted By Ganoosh
This gives a great sense of silence and of the...

This gives a great sense of silence and of the impending fury personified when a subway rushes by. I'd like to know what was happening before "we" tamed the monster, though.

Short ones are always...
Forum: The Pit 11-01-2012, 07:21 PM
Replies: 11
ugh
Views: 267
Posted By Ganoosh
This thread....is the best thread.

This thread....is the best thread.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-31-2012, 02:34 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 248
Posted By Ganoosh
If you want to refine it, the best thing to do is...

If you want to refine it, the best thing to do is to forget about it for a week and then come back and edit.


Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDDBxT9uqBk
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-29-2012, 03:13 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 606
Posted By Ganoosh
Doing away with traditional structure doesn't...

Doing away with traditional structure doesn't mean you can forget about cadence or flow or rhythm or whatever you may want to call it -- a few out of place words can still sound awkward even if the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-29-2012, 03:07 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 285
Posted By Ganoosh
I really hope this was meant to be more of a...

I really hope this was meant to be more of a traditional blues song because I love that genre and this, in my head, fits pretty well with that sound. I love the first line, but after that things seem...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-29-2012, 10:11 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 366
Posted By Ganoosh
Nope, not a song.

Nope, not a song.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-28-2012, 11:01 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 366
Posted By Ganoosh
all that is was ever am america.

A thousand lonely saxes noodling soft
in a steamy bayou;
a small question in earnest,
I hear them calling and I, America,
extend an answer.

Fast and slow,
a single thought impelling all movement
and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-27-2012, 09:30 PM
Replies: 2,091
Views: 68,429
Posted By Ganoosh
...

http://www.thepattersonfoundation.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/like-button.png
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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