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Search: Posts Made By: Ganoosh
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-02-2015, 11:43 PM
Replies: 2,155
Views: 72,821
Posted By Ganoosh
Go for a walk. Preferably in a place with lots of...

Go for a walk. Preferably in a place with lots of trees and fresh air. And preferably with a dog, even if you have to borrow one from somebody else. If no dogs, a calm human can also work.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-01-2015, 04:02 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 142
Posted By Ganoosh
here is one of my pomes

my jaw is wracked with mindlessness.
a blank ocean lurches beneath my skull.
I chew on teeth and problems

anxiety
hangs from my temples.
I push nails through shaking fingers

sounds are far...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2015, 01:21 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 173
Posted By Ganoosh
*the tribal drums - they are falling apart. Now...

*the tribal drums - they are
falling apart. Now dance*

What I like here is how you give so much color to the drums falling apart by ending the sentence and putting the imperative "now dance" in the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2015, 01:13 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 114
Posted By Ganoosh
I love the content, demanding an encore of an...

I love the content, demanding an encore of an irreversible suicide is really biting. I just watched Birdman last night and this is reminiscent of something Michael Keaton's character would maybe...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2015, 01:07 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 100
Posted By Ganoosh
*our world had a short time, heaven knows it's...

*our world had a short time, heaven knows
it's littered and smells of smoke*

I love the way you end the first stanza, in terms of the meter you use. You have a longer line that ends with a comma and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-28-2015, 01:03 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 112
Posted By Ganoosh
Yeah that's exactly what I think is so awesome...

Yeah that's exactly what I think is so awesome about writing and making things. You get to make what you would like to see made, and sometimes you find people who are ready to see the same things but...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-26-2015, 10:01 PM
Replies: 1,590
Views: 89,997
Posted By Ganoosh
This is good. What made this place stale, I...

This is good.

What made this place stale, I think, is that critique got transformed into some kind of business transaction instead of just a discussion of lyrics and poetry. I get that the purpose...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-26-2015, 09:47 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 112
Posted By Ganoosh
I've been wanting so badly for written poetry to...

I've been wanting so badly for written poetry to start with this whole excessive rhyming, multiple rhymes in one line, using lots of slant rhymes, thing that you see in rap music and the occasional...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-26-2015, 09:34 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 96
Posted By Ganoosh
Good job!

Good job!
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-26-2015, 09:24 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 139
Posted By Ganoosh
This is a great start for a song, it would work...

This is a great start for a song, it would work really well as a chorus or something. The reason I love lyrics as opposed to poetry is that they can be much more playful and diverse, and you don't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-23-2015, 12:58 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 204
Posted By Ganoosh
a sunday drive

morning air goddamn
fresh.
birds arranged on a wire;
I wonder are they a system?
Sky splayed before me in scant
yellow and blue
We are all makers;
(make cool strange me and make love and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-23-2015, 12:45 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 310
Posted By Ganoosh
For such a short poem this has a really...

For such a short poem this has a really well-defined pace that you set up with the line breaks and stanzas. It thins out as it reaches the end, and without that I think the flat-ness of "the ground"...
Forum: The Pit 01-21-2015, 10:33 PM
Replies: 72
Views: 1,082
Posted By Ganoosh
How much of the soda have you drank so far?

How much of the soda have you drank so far?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-21-2015, 08:38 PM
Replies: 2,155
Views: 72,821
Posted By Ganoosh
All I know is that this conversation has been...

All I know is that this conversation has been happening since before I signed up. So at least 6 years.
Forum: The Pit 10-28-2014, 12:02 AM
Replies: 171
Views: 2,058
Posted By Ganoosh
I never get on this website anymore. I log in to...

I never get on this website anymore. I log in to see what's up and I find this thread. No regrets.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-21-2014, 10:12 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 361
Posted By Ganoosh
Ending lines in irrational places is fashionable...

Ending lines in irrational places is fashionable and cool, and it's even better for me because I like to take lines and read them by themselves. You have a couple good ones that sit by themselves and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-21-2014, 09:59 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 337
Posted By Ganoosh
Like a less ferocious Sylvia Plath, kind of. It...

Like a less ferocious Sylvia Plath, kind of.

It goes big-little-big-little-big-little. The little minute part seems to win out, but then you end on something as huge as the chilled sky, the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-10-2014, 10:53 PM
Replies: 2,155
Views: 72,821
Posted By Ganoosh
Well I think the fact that you're acting this...

Well I think the fact that you're acting this question means something. You're obviously interested. The only way to find out if you feel the way you think you feel is to go for it. Don't get stuck...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:58 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 325
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey! You did a really good job in most places...

Hey! You did a really good job in most places avoiding any forced rhymes. Everything seemed pretty natural as far as that goes.

I'm not sure I really like that very last line, because it just...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:51 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 365
Posted By Ganoosh
I like how you're using line breaks with purpose...

I like how you're using line breaks with purpose here. The only places you start a new line are new sentences or clauses, and the only places you disrupt a sentence in an awkward spot are when you...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-07-2014, 09:45 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 234
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey! Nice to be reading you again, this is...

Hey! Nice to be reading you again, this is delicious.

Really vivid images here, everything just kind of pops and you wanted it that way, so in that way it's great control you're displaying.

I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2014, 05:58 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 372
Posted By Ganoosh
This is very raw, I wouldn't change it much at...

This is very raw, I wouldn't change it much at all. With the music like that it's best if you're just being really straightforward like this, sometimes that's the best way to show emotion.

I don't...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2014, 05:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 373
Posted By Ganoosh
I ****ing like this and I like that you posted it...

I ****ing like this and I like that you posted it here.

I don't know what the clot of lines is supposed to be, beetle, doctor, whatever. I like it's position visually, with the words kind of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 06:17 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 353
Posted By Ganoosh
Those last two lines do awesome things for the...

Those last two lines do awesome things for the rest of the piece. The hypothetical wife, and then you go back and you think about the questioning of whether love exists; so this person made up an...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 06:02 PM
Replies: 1,590
Views: 89,997
Posted By Ganoosh
:( That sounds brilliant and I'm sad that you...

:(




That sounds brilliant and I'm sad that you all never did it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:38 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 134
Posted By Ganoosh
Hey, you're like a commenting tornado! Such a...

Hey, you're like a commenting tornado!

Such a nice message here, but I think you're confused about what kind of tone you're trying to go for. To me, it seems like somebody having to repeat "let me...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:14 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 208
Posted By Ganoosh
So what's happening in these lyrics? Is this a...

So what's happening in these lyrics? Is this a phone conversation? Journal entry? Drunk text?

Adding that context would put a spin onto how the speaker is really feeling about this, and it could...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-04-2014, 05:09 PM
Replies: 6
r.
Views: 440
Posted By Ganoosh
The 25th anniversary of the Berlin Wall is soon!...

The 25th anniversary of the Berlin Wall is soon! I took it that you meant that time-wise, as in the girl experienced life both before and after.

That rhythm in the last two stanzas is killer. It...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-06-2013, 01:48 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 457
Posted By Ganoosh
Levihemoth. Awesome.

Levihemoth. Awesome.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-01-2013, 11:46 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 352
Posted By Ganoosh
Post I'm sad to see this has gotten such little...

I'm sad to see this has gotten such little attention.

I like the spacing of your tips and taps in the beginning. It gives the onomatopoeia an extra dimension; you can hear the footsteps of somebody...
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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