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Search: Posts Made By: greyeyedfire
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-11-2015, 04:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 156
Posted By greyeyedfire
Practice

I'm working on a complete story, so this is a bit wordier than I usually post.
Harsh review is encouraged.

When you meet a celebrity, there's usually a moment of realization. When their laugh is...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-11-2015, 03:29 AM
Replies: 2,171
Views: 74,740
Posted By greyeyedfire
I've avoided posted in the community thread for a...

I've avoided posted in the community thread for a few years because I have a tendency to act up and get community threads shut down. However, reading through the last page of this, I feel like I need...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-11-2015, 02:38 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 251
Posted By greyeyedfire
I don't have a concise way to put this, so here's...

I don't have a concise way to put this, so here's a half drunk rambling for you.

There's this anime called Ergo Proxy, which I thought was pretty meh. This piece, and all your writing in general,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 03-11-2015, 02:19 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 446
Posted By greyeyedfire
So few words and so awesome. A style I appreciate.

So few words and so awesome.
A style I appreciate.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-22-2015, 05:37 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 204
Posted By greyeyedfire
Some clever pun with the name Romeo

Another panic attack averted
because sex is the cure for all my ailments
if only temporarily
I don't even act like I'm not getting attached
falling for her like I fell for all the others
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-28-2014, 02:37 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 251
Posted By greyeyedfire
Seven Months

Wings of steel and ink make a great image
but they don't do much to keep my head above water
and the guardian angel I hoped would keep me safe
is just watching me drown
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-22-2014, 03:34 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 202
Posted By greyeyedfire
Fixation

I'm still shivering
with the thought of her
dear sweeet Alaina
of all people
the thought of her
is the one that haunts me tonight
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-27-2014, 03:05 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 376
Posted By greyeyedfire
I feel like the shitty handrwirting mattesr

Deciphering the handwritign is half the game.
http://i.imgur.com/3p8G07o.jpg
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-11-2014, 11:11 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 414
Posted By greyeyedfire
Something something clever about her name

I like when her hair's purple
she knows it, too
strutting around in her hoodie
slung low under one shoulder
a dirty look over the other
to let me know there's nothing underneath
she's my favorite
and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 09-06-2014, 12:16 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 233
Posted By greyeyedfire
....

I feel voices in my head
for the first time in years
some puzzle piece
I turned out to be
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 03:23 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 580
Posted By greyeyedfire
The words people say don't interest me nearly as...

The words people say don't interest me nearly as much as what the words they don't say.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 02:10 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 710
Posted By greyeyedfire
Being somewhat of a minimalist with punctuation,...

Being somewhat of a minimalist with punctuation, I had a difficult time parsing this.
To be honest, the top half just hits me as a short list of images that fall flat.

The second half, however, is...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 01:56 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 433
Posted By greyeyedfire
This line here. I love it. I love what it means,...

This line here.
I love it. I love what it means, or at least what it means to me.
You're afraid of being a better person. Why is that ?
Does being a better person come with new responsibility, and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 01:40 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 610
Posted By greyeyedfire
Assuming you're around my age (24), I'm sensing...

Assuming you're around my age (24), I'm sensing some degree of nostalgia; thinking of loves past (or continuing, if you're lucky), the days when listening to music in your room constituted a proper...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 01:19 AM
Replies: 5
e.
Views: 409
Posted By greyeyedfire
The formatting is working against me, here. I...

The formatting is working against me, here. I have difficulty parsing phrases across line breaks, so this took me a couple of tries to make any sense of it.
I still can't make any sense of the second...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 12:17 AM
Replies: 32
Views: 1,869
Posted By greyeyedfire
I will use this phrase in a way that does not...

I will use this phrase in a way that does not make you roll your eyes.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-31-2014, 12:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 232
Posted By greyeyedfire
Brevity without gaudy word choices and an...

Brevity without gaudy word choices and an ambiguous, negative ending. I like it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-30-2014, 11:22 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 237
Posted By greyeyedfire
I'm going to write a movie about Rescued

I tried drawing another angel today
but I still can't get the proportion right
so I grabbed the Jameson
because the name reminds me of good decisions
that I regret anyways
and I put on Jack's...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2014, 09:24 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 414
Posted By greyeyedfire
Mismatched Romances

The warm glow from the horizon
revealed her horrified expression
wordless and breathless
she ran away from me
and into the burning city
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2014, 12:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 360
Posted By greyeyedfire
Sweet, Sweet Dreams

I can see her, even when I'm awake
the little snow demon that keeps me up at night
She's sitting next to me while I write
trying to hurry me along, so I can go to bed
because she can only hold me in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-18-2014, 12:48 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 256
Posted By greyeyedfire
Probably Anticipation

I felt her cool breath against my back
so I turned to her, the angel by my bed
beneath her grey robe and her perfect hair
I can feel her shaking
but I can't tell if it's with dread or anticipation
of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 12:24 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 254
Posted By greyeyedfire
Very OTS

Fair warning, this is drunk OTS

I spent the night drinking alone
with my new imaginary friend
telling her all about my problems
she doesn't get pissed off like my real girlfriend does
I told her how...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-05-2014, 11:56 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 270
Posted By greyeyedfire
Like a Good Irishman

The building burned down around me
and I just sat in the flames
quietly breathing smoke
with a good whiskey
to compliment the taste
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 09:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 310
Posted By greyeyedfire
Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves....

Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves. I find it holds you back from what you really wanted to say. This piece is fine (I vote to leave the extra stanza out), but next time you write,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 10:06 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 255
Posted By greyeyedfire
Cheeks

I laid my head down
next to the valkyrie's wings
while I traced the outline

furry and heavy
my battle angels are more
beautiful than most

why do you draw them
so furry, not feathery ?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2013, 08:05 PM
Replies: 4
asd
Views: 347
Posted By greyeyedfire
asd

My doctor says
I'm a puzzle piece
Madii says
I'm a puzzle piece of clear blue sky
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:14 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 388
Posted By greyeyedfire
This part

This part
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:09 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 333
Posted By greyeyedfire
Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery...

Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery and philosophical comments, but goes all over the place and lacks a strength. Try cutting back on a lot of words. Not necessarily in a minimalist...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-24-2013, 02:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 470
Posted By greyeyedfire
I Fear I May Have Missed a Foot or Two

There was a time when Madii told me all
about her dreams, her fears, her favorite things
I ruined it
now I can only listen to her sleep
fearing the things she dreams of me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-29-2013, 01:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 448
Posted By greyeyedfire
..... ....... .....

Somewhere, she mistook
me for a good example
and followed me home
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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