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Search: Posts Made By: greyeyedfire
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-15-2014, 09:24 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 174
Posted By greyeyedfire
Mismatched Romances

The warm glow from the horizon
revealed her horrified expression
wordless and breathless
she ran away from me
and into the burning city
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2014, 12:10 AM
Replies: 2
Views: 257
Posted By greyeyedfire
Sweet, Sweet Dreams

I can see her, even when I'm awake
the little snow demon that keeps me up at night
She's sitting next to me while I write
trying to hurry me along, so I can go to bed
because she can only hold me in...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-18-2014, 12:48 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 206
Posted By greyeyedfire
Probably Anticipation

I felt her cool breath against my back
so I turned to her, the angel by my bed
beneath her grey robe and her perfect hair
I can feel her shaking
but I can't tell if it's with dread or anticipation
of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-12-2014, 12:24 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 193
Posted By greyeyedfire
Very OTS

Fair warning, this is drunk OTS

I spent the night drinking alone
with my new imaginary friend
telling her all about my problems
she doesn't get pissed off like my real girlfriend does
I told her how...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-05-2014, 11:56 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 216
Posted By greyeyedfire
Like a Good Irishman

The building burned down around me
and I just sat in the flames
quietly breathing smoke
with a good whiskey
to compliment the taste
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 09:38 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 260
Posted By greyeyedfire
Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves....

Strict rhyming is one of my personal pet peeves. I find it holds you back from what you really wanted to say. This piece is fine (I vote to leave the extra stanza out), but next time you write,...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 01-03-2014, 10:06 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 218
Posted By greyeyedfire
Cheeks

I laid my head down
next to the valkyrie's wings
while I traced the outline

furry and heavy
my battle angels are more
beautiful than most

why do you draw them
so furry, not feathery ?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-26-2013, 08:05 PM
Replies: 4
asd
Views: 277
Posted By greyeyedfire
asd

My doctor says
I'm a puzzle piece
Madii says
I'm a puzzle piece of clear blue sky
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:14 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 351
Posted By greyeyedfire
This part

This part
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-26-2013, 06:09 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 306
Posted By greyeyedfire
Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery...

Your writing is full of this elaborate imagery and philosophical comments, but goes all over the place and lacks a strength. Try cutting back on a lot of words. Not necessarily in a minimalist...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 05-24-2013, 02:25 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 423
Posted By greyeyedfire
I Fear I May Have Missed a Foot or Two

There was a time when Madii told me all
about her dreams, her fears, her favorite things
I ruined it
now I can only listen to her sleep
fearing the things she dreams of me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 04-29-2013, 01:44 AM
Replies: 1
Views: 388
Posted By greyeyedfire
..... ....... .....

Somewhere, she mistook
me for a good example
and followed me home
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-30-2012, 08:53 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 244
Posted By greyeyedfire
Bored On My Favorite Holiday

We just laid there and watched the sky
her looking for the beauty in every star
me too scared to breathe
because it might set her off
and ruin the new year
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 11-05-2012, 10:06 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 259
Posted By greyeyedfire
Speechless

Moving around furniture
to make room for carpentry projects with my father
places for friends to sit and watch tv
even vacuumed the carpet
so the girlfriend can come home to a clean apartment

I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-18-2012, 05:54 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 331
Posted By greyeyedfire
You still are one of the most talented writers...

You still are one of the most talented writers I've ever had the pleasure of reading.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-04-2012, 02:27 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 301
Posted By greyeyedfire
Better ?

Better ?
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-04-2012, 12:19 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 301
Posted By greyeyedfire
Flower

http://i.imgur.com/VYacJ.jpg

If any mods feel this doesn't qualify as writing, feel free to remove it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-02-2012, 10:34 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 263
Posted By greyeyedfire
I didn't know how to end it because the ending...

I didn't know how to end it because the ending hasn't happened yet.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-01-2012, 06:41 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 263
Posted By greyeyedfire
Just Like Old Times

I'm in one of my moods again
so she keeps her distance
content to know I'll come back to her
on wings of steel and ink
calling her my Konstantine
she'll kiss me in my living room
then I'll sing her...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-01-2012, 03:33 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 432
Posted By greyeyedfire
I say leave the word "forehead". It...

I say leave the word "forehead".
It works great.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-29-2012, 12:34 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 383
Posted By greyeyedfire
x-xxx-xxx-xxxx

I finally worked up the nerve to call her
she answered without a word
and we held our conversation in silence
I fell asleep first
and she stayed up a little longer
obsessed with my breathing
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-16-2012, 10:09 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 322
Posted By greyeyedfire
I loved it right up to the last two lines.

I loved it right up to the last two lines.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-07-2012, 01:37 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 702
Posted By greyeyedfire
It's perfect, don't touch it.

It's perfect, don't touch it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-06-2012, 10:33 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 179
Posted By greyeyedfire
Entitlement

She's hiding behind half-assed kisses and divorcing parents
waiting for me to write that poem I promised her
while I hang on to dead love/hate relationships
content to know that I'm daydreaming about...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-30-2012, 08:56 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 281
Posted By greyeyedfire
Silly Little Lullabies

She could have done it gracefully
but her way's cuter
twisting and wrenching her way
in between my guitar and me
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-25-2012, 01:41 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 429
Posted By greyeyedfire
**** grammar, this was beautiful.

**** grammar, this was beautiful.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-24-2012, 11:52 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 239
Posted By greyeyedfire
Did not like this line. Otherwise, I loved it.

Did not like this line.
Otherwise, I loved it.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2012, 11:28 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 301
Posted By greyeyedfire
Much too long for it's own good, but more...

Much too long for it's own good, but more importantly, I believe the last few lines weakened the piece. You told me what you were feeling when you should have been showing me.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-23-2012, 11:24 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 316
Posted By greyeyedfire
I agree with Dylan, last two lines would be...

I agree with Dylan,
last two lines would be stronger without the explanation beforehand.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-19-2012, 10:51 AM
Replies: 10
<3
Views: 505
Posted By greyeyedfire
<3

She would whisper cute little nothings in my sleep
like "I heart you"
while she was tying me to the bed
You learn to miss certain things
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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