|
|||||||
|
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500
Search took 1.56 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: rd93 |
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
07-15-2012, 12:52 PM
|
|
Replies: 9
Views: 317
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
07-12-2012, 05:10 PM
|
|
Replies: 9
Views: 317
Posted By
rd93
Kireji doesn't translate to English. Consider the...
Kireji doesn't translate to English. Consider the semicolon one if you really need it but a modern haiku, for the most part, is just 5-7-5. Thanks for reading everyone. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
07-12-2012, 04:13 PM
|
|
Replies: 9
Views: 317
Posted By
rd93
For 100% of a gentleman, you're pretty ignorant...
For 100% of a gentleman, you're pretty ignorant when it comes to the rules and nature of this forum, aren't you? Maybe you should go reread what this forum is for and what a haiku is before you make... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
07-12-2012, 03:54 PM
|
|
Replies: 9
Views: 317
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
06-18-2012, 11:48 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 323
Posted By
rd93
To respectfully disagree with Zanas, I really...
To respectfully disagree with Zanas, I really enjoyed those lines as their imagery and clever rhyming really picked up the flow and made it more interesting to me. Not that it wasn't interesting in... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-25-2012, 12:36 AM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 379
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
05-24-2012, 01:52 AM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 379
Posted By
rd93
$2.80
**** off mockingbird! leave me to slither through the gutter and scavenge pawn my gifts for guilty pleasures and cheap thrills. the city lights block the stars so we don't dream at night (dreams cost... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
02-27-2012, 04:31 AM
|
|
Replies: 14
Views: 794
Posted By
rd93
Classic example of one of your poems. Your style...
Classic example of one of your poems. Your style doesn't get old. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
02-23-2012, 12:56 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 380
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-27-2012, 01:43 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 240
Posted By
rd93
Yeah I haven't had many new things to write about...
Yeah I haven't had many new things to write about lately haha but thanks for reading it. Always good to get a read from you :cheers: |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-27-2012, 01:41 PM
|
|
Replies: 7
Views: 386
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-26-2012, 05:04 PM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 369
Posted By
rd93
The flow and rhythm is excellent. One of the best...
The flow and rhythm is excellent. One of the best pieces I've read recently |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-25-2012, 12:10 AM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 210
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-22-2012, 02:11 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 201
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-20-2012, 11:31 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 152
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-20-2012, 11:29 PM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 201
Posted By
rd93
I didn't like the (if you can), especially just...
I didn't like the (if you can), especially just before "if you want". But this is good. Glad to read your work |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-20-2012, 11:26 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 240
Posted By
rd93
the glory
i woke up under the sunlight but didn't let it warm me until i was ready to shine and walk through the glory: above the envy of your peers when you harass them at ungodly hours of the early... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-17-2012, 01:03 AM
|
|
Replies: 15
Views: 1,115
Posted By
rd93
*judgment
I wish I had more to say in return for...
*judgment I wish I had more to say in return for your crit, but this was well-written and entertaining. Personally, I would change some of the line breaks up a bit, as each line in itself contains a... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-17-2012, 12:59 AM
|
|
Replies: 7
Views: 386
Posted By
rd93
Thanks a lot, that was a really useful crit and I...
Thanks a lot, that was a really useful crit and I can get a lot out of it in the future. I'll take a look at your piece :cheers: |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-15-2012, 02:06 AM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 220
Posted By
rd93
I haven't written about anything original ever...
I haven't written about anything original ever but I get what you're saying haha. Appreciate the read EDIT: Ehhh maybe once |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-14-2012, 06:19 PM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 275
Posted By
rd93
"lung meat collapse" doesn't sound...
"lung meat collapse" doesn't sound right to me, either it doesn't make sense or I just don't like the words "lung meat". I couldn't really find anything wrong with this; it's one of the better pieces... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-14-2012, 05:58 PM
|
|
Replies: 2
Views: 220
Posted By
rd93
reasons to buy a duster
i. that moment when you open a gift from a distant relative and it's nothing that could be of any use to the stereotypes you fit - a polite thankyou and the white, almost transparent lies of the... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-12-2012, 12:38 PM
|
|
Replies: 7
Views: 386
Posted By
rd93
|
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-11-2012, 02:55 AM
|
|
Replies: 3
Views: 198
Posted By
rd93
^Agreed, the title makes this piece predictable...
^Agreed, the title makes this piece predictable and without shock value. I also would have made the last stanza two longer lines, and the line breaks in the first stanza kind of bug me. But that's... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-11-2012, 02:42 AM
|
|
Replies: 1,414
Views: 64,369
Posted By
rd93
Jesus doesn't go to school so
stop wasting your...
Jesus doesn't go to school so stop wasting your time; everybody knows that twenty grand a year is really for sex drugs and education |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-11-2012, 02:34 AM
|
|
Replies: 4
Views: 351
Posted By
rd93
It gets better every time you read it. I would...
It gets better every time you read it. I would have put a stanza break after "burns" though. |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-10-2012, 03:09 AM
|
|
Replies: 6
Views: 393
Posted By
rd93
Not really feeling the adage/proverb line, but...
Not really feeling the adage/proverb line, but more importantly, I think this would be MUCH better if broken up as a more conventional poem. Bunched into a paragraph made up of similarly styled... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-10-2012, 02:55 AM
|
|
Replies: 7
Views: 386
Posted By
rd93
year of the dragon
O! how refreshing it feels - to be drawn into a spiral of repetition such as this fire-breathing and venom spitting lifestyle of young souls a tired subject, surely though not exhausted quite... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-10-2012, 02:08 AM
|
|
Replies: 5
Views: 209
Posted By
rd93
I don't like the fifth line. I think at that...
I don't like the fifth line. I think at that point, the descriptions become too repetitive and the transition is too sudden and not fluent, either because of the wording or the punctuation. But other... |
|
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics
01-08-2012, 06:32 PM
|
|
Replies: 12
Views: 526
Posted By
rd93
|
| Showing results 1 to 30 of 500 |
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:46 AM.