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Search: Posts Made By: Nilchii
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-14-2013, 10:39 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 566
Posted By Nilchii
Out of curiosity, did you add the punctuation...

Out of curiosity, did you add the punctuation afterwards, or did you write each line including punctuation before rearranging the lines?

Cool experiment.

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-09-2013, 08:46 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 190
Posted By Nilchii
I don't feel like the chosen form (a monolithic...

I don't feel like the chosen form (a monolithic block of text) does the language any favors, and that's unfortunate, because your language is always built from the most well-chosen words for the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2013, 03:56 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 534
Posted By Nilchii
Yep. Lovely. You've totally nailed the feeling of...

Yep. Lovely. You've totally nailed the feeling of being young and failing to understand middle age.

And done that beautifully.

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2013, 03:53 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 417
Posted By Nilchii
No, I don't like it much. Too contrived to be...

No, I don't like it much. Too contrived to be emotional; too raw to be polished.



peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2013, 03:40 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 293
Posted By Nilchii
Right on. A few more verses, and you'd have a...

Right on. A few more verses, and you'd have a murder ballad.
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2013, 03:34 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 340
Posted By Nilchii
Bla-bla-bla I like to think that line breaks in poetry...

I like
to think that line breaks in
poetry ought
to serve some artistic
purpose or
at least give


some kind of clue as
to how
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 02-08-2013, 11:14 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 118
Posted By Nilchii
Don't Give Me That

You think it's rock n' roll
Don't give me that
You would be a star
Anywhere that you are
Sold your trust in your soul
For the fancier car

You think you got it bad
Don't give me that
Plenty people...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 12-17-2012, 03:25 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 185
Posted By Nilchii
Mother Load

In the silence that follows the blowup
She can hear every word that he cries
In the darkness insisting he grow up
She can see every tear in his eyes
Every choice he makes
It leads him down the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-10-2012, 11:18 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 403
Posted By Nilchii
How about "Fun for everybody is" to...

How about "Fun for everybody is" to keep with your pointlessly inverted word order in line five? Alternately, "I live in this jungle gym" keeps the facile rhyme scheme intact without injecting the...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-09-2012, 02:45 PM
Replies: 0
Views: 208
Posted By Nilchii
Checkmate - OTC

We are stardust projectors
In a beat-up '99 Venti Latte
Our purpose in life
That do goody good bullshit
We'll never die

Testosterone drive-by
Alert to the air-conditioned ruse
In the Garden of...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 10-07-2012, 04:13 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 310
Posted By Nilchii
There's some nice stuff here. I like the third...

There's some nice stuff here. I like the third stanza and the first line of the fourth, especially. The "baggage/passenger" bit is nice.

It feels a bit rushed, though, as if you're pretty convinced...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-11-2012, 10:31 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 378
Posted By Nilchii
Hank Williams III - check...

Hank Williams III - check it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vd7sM0iiAUs&feature=related
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-08-2012, 08:28 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 410
Posted By Nilchii
I think the lyrics don't make any sense. Line by...

I think the lyrics don't make any sense. Line by line, you have ideas, but the words don't go anywhere. On acid, sure, it's all groovy, but you want stuff to make sense to sober people, too.

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-08-2012, 08:24 AM
Replies: 8
Views: 378
Posted By Nilchii
Nice - kind of reminds me of HWIII. Also, just...

Nice - kind of reminds me of HWIII. Also, just because you learned one forum rule doesn't mean you shouldn't pay attention to the others...

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-05-2012, 10:24 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 256
Posted By Nilchii
Here's the link...

Here's the link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=th9ClkRW2Ig&feature=youtu.be). :cheers:
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-05-2012, 09:17 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 501
Posted By Nilchii
I feel like it's a better song than it is a poem....

I feel like it's a better song than it is a poem. I also dislike the "drop the o and bid them" line; it feels more contrived than clever. However, in a song it could be catchy. It sounds ethereal and...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-04-2012, 09:50 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 477
Posted By Nilchii
I don't like all the commas on the seventh line,...

I don't like all the commas on the seventh line, but other than that this bore re-reading well. Very nice.

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 08-04-2012, 09:18 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 256
Posted By Nilchii
Can't Remember You

Haven't been sober
Since you left my bed
Sick, drunk devil
Crawlin' 'round in my head
Lost my keys
And shaky legs
My teeth are achin'
And you might be dead
I can't remember you
I got them whiskey...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 07-10-2012, 03:28 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 262
Posted By Nilchii
A good thing to know is some standard chord...

A good thing to know is some standard chord progressions (I-IV-V is the classic). The other dude is right about scales, since all chord progressions are based on them. I'd suggest that you start with...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-21-2012, 01:33 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 857
Posted By Nilchii
Why "reign?" peace

Why "reign?"

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-20-2012, 10:46 AM
Replies: 0
Views: 265
Posted By Nilchii
Pagliacci

Uploaded here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF1gn6aLKxk). Incidentally, I know "Pagliacci" is pronounced "pa-lee-AH-chee," but the blues made me pronounce it right. Damn.


What's the matter with...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-16-2012, 05:02 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 311
Posted By Nilchii
So, I'm back to this. The way the melody is...

So, I'm back to this.

The way the melody is structured, you place emphasis on some fairly meh words to be emphasizing:

He did a... LOT
...
He did bad... THINGS
...

and so forth. The fact that...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-16-2012, 10:13 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 494
Posted By Nilchii
Nice. I don't like your invocation of ****...

Nice.

I don't like your invocation of **** because the fifth grader in me sees that in the otherwise-adult language of the piece and he goes, "OOOH! He said the second worst word ever!" and then I...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-14-2012, 10:43 AM
Replies: 3
Views: 316
Posted By Nilchii
I don't like "divulge" and...

I don't like "divulge" and "metaphorically" on lines by themselves. I also wanted "you're heated" and "you're arguing" to have more space by themselves. These are minor quibbles. I like it, it's...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-12-2012, 12:29 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 311
Posted By Nilchii
I feel like it wants a chorus. I'll check out the...

I feel like it wants a chorus. I'll check out the recording later; I'm too distracted at the moment. Just commenting now so it gets the little black dot so I can come back to it later.

peace
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-08-2012, 05:21 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 380
Posted By Nilchii
The poetic tradition of circling around a subject...

The poetic tradition of circling around a subject is much more accepted in song than in poetry; I think the unfocused wordplay is typical of and acceptable within the parameters of the genre....
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-07-2012, 05:19 PM
Replies: 1
Views: 234
Posted By Nilchii
I'm Doing Fine

Uploaded here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAaAKJ2aJ4k).

Lord you left me behind
Traded me in for another lover
I make my bed in a bitter bower
All my grapes are a little sour
But I'm doin'...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-04-2012, 11:58 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 909
Posted By Nilchii
The chord progression is, in fact, lovely. The...

The chord progression is, in fact, lovely. The lyrics are goofy as hell, but of course there's a novelty song market. Good luck with that.

peace

[EDIT:] Having said that and played with it a little...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-04-2012, 11:47 PM
Replies: 2
Views: 369
Posted By Nilchii
It's always bizarre to me when people who...

It's always bizarre to me when people who generally ignore things like capitalization and punctuation suddenly decide to punctuate. Why bother, if you're going to do it ungrammatically? It's just...
Forum: Songwriting & Lyrics 06-02-2012, 07:26 AM
Replies: 5
Views: 308
Posted By Nilchii
Eh, fair enough.

Eh, fair enough.
Showing results 1 to 30 of 500

 
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